Read Online Dear Nobody by Berlie Doherty - Free Book Online Page A

that!’ I said. Mr Marshall gave me an odd look then. He must have heard panic in my voice, or something.
    â€˜His band’s playing at the Ringinglow tonight,’ I added. I wasn’t sure whether that was true or not. I couldn’t remember what day it was, even. ‘I’ll be fine in a minute. I feel better already.’
    Mr Marshall made me some tea and we waited a little for Chris to come back. I just wanted to go to bed. Mr Marshall walked with me to the corner of our road and then I just ran home and straight to my room. I wanted to howl.
    You don’t exist.
    You’re nobody.
    So why? Why?

    I had another letter to my mother in my pocket. When I read through the last one it sounded as if a seven-year-old hadwritten it. I walked home in the pouring rain, mouthing the words of the new letter, wondering whether I’d have the courage to actually send it, whether it was worth the effort even, when I saw my Aunty Jill arriving at our house and Dad letting her in. I ran into the house just as Dad was closing the door and shook myself like a dog in the hall, wanting to annoy them for some reason.
    â€˜Could have done with you half an hour ago,’ Dad told me. ‘Your Helen was here. She fainted down in the cellar. I’m not surprised, stuffy little hole it is.’
    â€˜I’ll go round and see her,’ I said.
    â€˜Do no such thing,’ Dad told me. ‘She’s as right as rain, but I told her to get an early night. No point waking her up, Chris.’
    â€˜She’s a nice girl, Helen,’ Jill said. ‘You’ll miss her when you go away.’
    â€˜I know,’ I said. My insides had gone as fidgety as an anthill. I didn’t want to stand in the hall chatting. I wanted to see Helen.
    Dad shrugged. ‘Who can tell, at their age? They think the world of each other, those two. Too young to get tied down, though, Chris.’
    â€˜I know. I know that. I’m not daft,’ I said. I went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. Anything to get away from them both, grinning away at me as if having a girl-friend was like winning a ribbon on sports day. ‘Did she come round for any reason?’ I asked, as casually as possible.
    â€˜Aye. She came to tell you she was fine,’ Dad laughed.
    I closed my eyes. I leaned my head against the tiled wall.
    â€˜She looked fine as well, white as a ghost down there.’
    â€˜She’s had flu,’ I said. ‘Something like that.’
    â€˜She told me she’s doing Dance for one of her exams,’ Dad said. ‘Funny subject, that.’
    â€˜No funnier than Greek,’ Jill said. ‘And that’s what I did. Look where that got me. Three kids and a field of horses.’
    Their voices buzzed behind me in the hall.
    â€˜Fancy a drink?’ Dad asked her.
    â€˜What d’you think I’ve come for? The nine o’clock news?’
    It was good to get rid of them. As soon as the door closedbehind them I put a cassette on really loud. The whole house was vibrating with the noise. Guy screeched at me to pack it in. I didn’t care. I opened all the windows wide. I wanted the music to throb down all the way to Helen’s house. She’s fine. Nothing’s wrong.

    Dear Nobody,
    Yesterday evening I bought another pregnancy test. This time I read the instructions properly. It had to be done first thing. This morning I shut myself in my room. Mum was in the kitchen downstairs, singing loudly to some jazz on the radio. She was in one of her rare happy moods. I think maybe when I was little she used to sing a lot. I don’t really remember. Most of the time she’s locked up in her own thoughts, like my nan. They don’t seem to like each other much, my mum and her mum. They hardly ever see each other. I hope it doesn’t ever get that bad between Mum and me. I’d hate that.
    â€˜I’ll tell her,’ I promised myself. ‘Whatever it says,