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what he was meant to do. He never doubted the call.
    What he too often doubted was humanity. He used to enjoy the Sacrament of Confession; now it had become a chore, a punishment. He had nightmares about his parishioners. He’d been thinking of asking for a sabbatical because he didn’t know if being a parish priest was his calling. There were other ways to serve. Ways that didn’t leave him with sleepless nights.
    He didn’t like the secrets he was forced to keep. He understood that it was Jesus who forgave, that he was only the vehicle, but he couldn’t unhear sins. He prayed and begged God to take the images that were in his head. Sometimes it worked.
    Mostly, it didn’t.
    The light went on as the next parishioner stepped in. “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been fourteen months since my last confession.”
    The voice was young, male, and familiar. One of the students at the school.
    Mateo said a brief prayer and asked the boy what he wanted Jesus to forgive.
    “My friend was murdered and I didn’t stop it.”
    Mateo’s stomach clenched. This wasn’t the first time he’d heard a child confess to witnessing a violent crime.
    “What happened, son?”
    “I can’t tell you.”
    “You’re not telling me. You’re telling God.”
    “I stole something that didn’t belong to me. I gave it back, but my friend was killed because of what I did.”
    Killed? A child was killed?
    “Have you gone to the police? Told a parent?”
    “I can’t. That’s why I’m here. I’m going to die and I don’t want to go to Hell.”
    “Son, you did not kill your friend.”
    “I’ve killed others. Other people. People I didn’t know. I was weak. I should have said no but I was so scared. I would have died if I said no. I’m not scared anymore.”
    Michael. It was Michael, Mateo knew it was the boy who had run away. What had happened to him?
    “Son,” Mateo said, trying to keep his voice calm. “Are you confessing to taking a human life?”
    “Yes. Six. I didn’t want to. I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t know why I’m here.”
    “Because you want to repent.”
    “I can’t.”
    “Yes, you can. We all deserve forgiveness. God forgives.”
    “I have to go.”
    “Please—Michael—”
    “Don’t, Father. I don’t want anyone else hurt. You can’t tell anyone I was here. You can’t!”
    “Your mother, Olive, she’s worried.”
    “You can’t say anything!” He was crying, and Mateo wanted to go to him, but he couldn’t. He was trapped in this damn booth. He almost cursed God for what he had to endure, what he had promised to uphold. He understood the principle, he respected the reasons, but this was a boy who was suffering, and Mateo couldn’t do anything but talk.
    “Okay, Michael, I won’t say a word. God knows what’s in your heart, He knows that you’re repenting. Pray for guidance, pray for strength. You only need to ask for my help and I will give it.”
    Michael didn’t say anything, but the light was on, so Mateo knew he was still there.
    “I left Olive a note,” Michael finally said. “Father, I am sorry for everything I’ve done. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. But I’m not scared anymore.”
    He sounded terrified.
    “I have to go back. There’s only one thing I can do to fix this.”
    “You’ve done it. You’ve asked for forgiveness.”
    “You don’t understand.”
    But Mateo did. He understood more than Michael could know.
    “Please give me absolution, Father.”
    Mateo gave the boy absolution. Then he said, “Absolution is for past sins. Not future sins. Michael, think about what you plan to do. There is always someone who can help.”
    The light went out. Michael was gone.

 
    CHAPTER 5
    Ryan followed Lucy to Olmos Park, an older, exclusive neighborhood only ten minutes from FBI headquarters. She pulled into the garage, then walked around the front to greet Ryan on the tiled front path. Ryan whistled softly. “Nate was right.”
    “About what?” she