Read Online Damaged, The Romance of Nick and Layla (Part 4) by Crystal Cierlak - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Crystal Cierlak
Tags: Romance
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think deep down I knew you were slowly falling out of love with me, whether you realized it or not, and every day I watched that light fade just a little bit more. Then the accident.” He puts a fist up to his mouth as he chokes on the words, and I force myself to take a sip of champagne to keep from unraveling.
The second waiter quietly brings our dishes and retreats silently, not wanting to disturb us. We each take a first bite, and the silence stretches on for a few moments before Nick begins again.
“In the aftermath of our son’s passing I knew that that light had gone out. And that the day Tyler died, so did your love for me.” Nick is solemn, and beneath the moon and twinkle of lights he suddenly looks much older than his thirty years.
It takes every ounce of my emotional strength not to bring up the memories I had worked so hard to forget. Images I never wanted to see again were burned from my mind and I prayed they would never return. It was the only way I could cope, the only way I could not lose my sanity entirely.
He looks at me again. “In spite of my own devastation I knew you needed me to comfort you, to help you through the unbearable pain of our loss. But you turned away from me, Layla, and I knew that no matter how bad you felt you would not come to me. I can’t even count on one hand the number of times I saw you between Tyler’s passing and the divorce. It all happened so quickly and before I knew it I was mourning the death of just about everything I loved and held most precious and dear to me.”
We each take a sip of champagne and continue eating in another stretch of silence. It seems rather odd to be surrounded by such beauty while talking about something so inherently sad, but it must have the effect of taking the sting out of the pain because my heart is not trying to escape my chest as Nick relives the darkest moments of our lives.
“What I realized recently, which I couldn’t have possibly known then, is that I shouldn’t have let you walk away from our life and our marriage so soon after Tyler. I should have done anything possible to protect you, to comfort you, to be the support system you needed. Hell, and for you to be the comfort and support that I needed. But I didn’t realize all that then and my life was … considerably worse.”
He mentioned earlier his attempts to take his own life, and I can’t help but wonder how exactly he attempted. No . I push the thoughts from my mind. I can’t open that door and let in the other thoughts and images I’d worked so hard to push far, far away.
Suddenly my heart is open, and in the moment I’m transported back into the muscle memory of my love for Nick. It fills my chest and a flood of memories of our life together come rushing out. Every first we shared, from the first kiss to the first time we made love, and every poignant moment before and after, whether good or bad. We were kids, just stupid kids so desperately in love with each other that we could barely stand to be apart. The miles we traveled together as I joined him on tours around the world, having passionate sex in every tour bus and hotel in every conceivable city along the way. Buying our first house together, dropping money on whatever expensive luxuries we desired. The first time I ever suspected him of sleeping with another woman. The sleepless nights when I wasn’t with him on tour and he’d forget to call and I’d imagine him fucking someone else. All the pain and manipulation we inflicted upon each other because we were two fucked up kids who craved one another. We couldn’t have made our love or our marriage work in the way I always thought it was supposed to function even if we tried. It just wasn’t who we were. We weren’t my parents.
And in our darkest hours of need I ran away. I allowed myself to be consumed by desperate anguish without any help or emotional support. Even if that light had diminished in me entirely like he believed it had, I should
The second waiter quietly brings our dishes and retreats silently, not wanting to disturb us. We each take a first bite, and the silence stretches on for a few moments before Nick begins again.
“In the aftermath of our son’s passing I knew that that light had gone out. And that the day Tyler died, so did your love for me.” Nick is solemn, and beneath the moon and twinkle of lights he suddenly looks much older than his thirty years.
It takes every ounce of my emotional strength not to bring up the memories I had worked so hard to forget. Images I never wanted to see again were burned from my mind and I prayed they would never return. It was the only way I could cope, the only way I could not lose my sanity entirely.
He looks at me again. “In spite of my own devastation I knew you needed me to comfort you, to help you through the unbearable pain of our loss. But you turned away from me, Layla, and I knew that no matter how bad you felt you would not come to me. I can’t even count on one hand the number of times I saw you between Tyler’s passing and the divorce. It all happened so quickly and before I knew it I was mourning the death of just about everything I loved and held most precious and dear to me.”
We each take a sip of champagne and continue eating in another stretch of silence. It seems rather odd to be surrounded by such beauty while talking about something so inherently sad, but it must have the effect of taking the sting out of the pain because my heart is not trying to escape my chest as Nick relives the darkest moments of our lives.
“What I realized recently, which I couldn’t have possibly known then, is that I shouldn’t have let you walk away from our life and our marriage so soon after Tyler. I should have done anything possible to protect you, to comfort you, to be the support system you needed. Hell, and for you to be the comfort and support that I needed. But I didn’t realize all that then and my life was … considerably worse.”
He mentioned earlier his attempts to take his own life, and I can’t help but wonder how exactly he attempted. No . I push the thoughts from my mind. I can’t open that door and let in the other thoughts and images I’d worked so hard to push far, far away.
Suddenly my heart is open, and in the moment I’m transported back into the muscle memory of my love for Nick. It fills my chest and a flood of memories of our life together come rushing out. Every first we shared, from the first kiss to the first time we made love, and every poignant moment before and after, whether good or bad. We were kids, just stupid kids so desperately in love with each other that we could barely stand to be apart. The miles we traveled together as I joined him on tours around the world, having passionate sex in every tour bus and hotel in every conceivable city along the way. Buying our first house together, dropping money on whatever expensive luxuries we desired. The first time I ever suspected him of sleeping with another woman. The sleepless nights when I wasn’t with him on tour and he’d forget to call and I’d imagine him fucking someone else. All the pain and manipulation we inflicted upon each other because we were two fucked up kids who craved one another. We couldn’t have made our love or our marriage work in the way I always thought it was supposed to function even if we tried. It just wasn’t who we were. We weren’t my parents.
And in our darkest hours of need I ran away. I allowed myself to be consumed by desperate anguish without any help or emotional support. Even if that light had diminished in me entirely like he believed it had, I should