Read Online Daisy by Josi S. Kilpack - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Josi S. Kilpack
Tags: Fiction
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but I had, without question, believed she had cheated. I let my eyes fall closed and wanted to die.
“I think this is the last of it,” Paul said, carrying an armful of clothes he’d grabbed from the closet. Jared had already disappeared outside with the box he’d been carrying. I hurried to Stormy’s room, now stripped down to nothing but furniture, bedding, and a few unwanted odds and ends.
She must be in the car. I hurried outside; Stormy was in the front seat, listening to her iPod while petting Munchkin, who was curled up in her lap. I knocked on the window, and she looked up but then looked back out the windshield. I opened the door, and she pulled out one earbud, exaggerating her aggravation at having her music interrupted.
“I’m so sorry, Storm,” I said. “I know that’s not enough, but I am so, so sorry. I love you, so much, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I know I did, and I’m sorry. I feel awful.”
“Love you too, Mom,” she said, her voice chipper as though we hadn’t just had a conversation I would never forget. There was even a glimmer of satisfaction in Stormy’s eyes. “See ya.” She pulled the door shut as Jared opened the driver’s side door.
He smiled a good-bye. Paul came down the sidewalk and stood behind me. He didn’t usually like to display affection when Jared was around, but he must have sensed the fragmentation that was taking place inside me because he put his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder as Jared started the engine. I was frozen as my baby girl drove away with her father. What had I done?
“It won’t be so bad,” Paul said into my ear, “having me all to yourself, will it?”
I couldn’t answer; I couldn’t say anything at all for fear I would admit to him what had happened and he’d lose all respect for me. I also couldn’t agree with him. Yes, I wanted time with him, but not at the expense of my daughter, and I suddenly felt as though I’d traded one for the other. Was I so desperate to be free of my role as a mother that I’d unconsciously pushed Stormy away? Would she ever forgive me for this? Would I ever forgive myself?
Chapter 10
The guilt became overwhelming as I realized how easy it was to fall into a new routine that didn’t involve Stormy. I slept in until seven every morning. Paul and I had coffee and toast together before I left for work. In the evenings, we watched what we wanted to on TV, or went out to eat, or drove down to the beach. My pants got looser as the knot in my stomach kept me from wanting to eat much. Who knew that not having kids around could be such an effective weight-loss plan? Paul was invited to speak at an IT convention in Philadelphia in January, and I asked for the days off of work so I could join him. Just like that.
December called from her OB appointment a few days before Halloween and let me listen to the sound of my grandson’s heartbeat. I cried and made plans to visit her in Ohio the first part of February, which was when she was due, so that I could help her out. Again, it was so easy to make the arrangements since it was only my schedule I had to consider.
I told December what had happened with Stormy, but she already knew. The girls were pretty close despite being ten years apart in age. Though she commiserated with me for bumbling the incident, she was also a teacher and knew what a serious problem cheating was. She consoled me by saying she wished more parents were willing to consider the possibility that their child might be guilty rather than becoming instantly defensive.
“For every kid falsely accused, there are fifteen guilty ones screaming their innocence.” She also relayed how nice it was that Stormy had the chance to build a relationship with her dad.
I tried not to take that as another personal failure, as I’d never pushed December’s dad to stay in touch with her, and he hadn’t. Had that created a hole in her life?
I changed the subject, and she
“I think this is the last of it,” Paul said, carrying an armful of clothes he’d grabbed from the closet. Jared had already disappeared outside with the box he’d been carrying. I hurried to Stormy’s room, now stripped down to nothing but furniture, bedding, and a few unwanted odds and ends.
She must be in the car. I hurried outside; Stormy was in the front seat, listening to her iPod while petting Munchkin, who was curled up in her lap. I knocked on the window, and she looked up but then looked back out the windshield. I opened the door, and she pulled out one earbud, exaggerating her aggravation at having her music interrupted.
“I’m so sorry, Storm,” I said. “I know that’s not enough, but I am so, so sorry. I love you, so much, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you. I know I did, and I’m sorry. I feel awful.”
“Love you too, Mom,” she said, her voice chipper as though we hadn’t just had a conversation I would never forget. There was even a glimmer of satisfaction in Stormy’s eyes. “See ya.” She pulled the door shut as Jared opened the driver’s side door.
He smiled a good-bye. Paul came down the sidewalk and stood behind me. He didn’t usually like to display affection when Jared was around, but he must have sensed the fragmentation that was taking place inside me because he put his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder as Jared started the engine. I was frozen as my baby girl drove away with her father. What had I done?
“It won’t be so bad,” Paul said into my ear, “having me all to yourself, will it?”
I couldn’t answer; I couldn’t say anything at all for fear I would admit to him what had happened and he’d lose all respect for me. I also couldn’t agree with him. Yes, I wanted time with him, but not at the expense of my daughter, and I suddenly felt as though I’d traded one for the other. Was I so desperate to be free of my role as a mother that I’d unconsciously pushed Stormy away? Would she ever forgive me for this? Would I ever forgive myself?
Chapter 10
The guilt became overwhelming as I realized how easy it was to fall into a new routine that didn’t involve Stormy. I slept in until seven every morning. Paul and I had coffee and toast together before I left for work. In the evenings, we watched what we wanted to on TV, or went out to eat, or drove down to the beach. My pants got looser as the knot in my stomach kept me from wanting to eat much. Who knew that not having kids around could be such an effective weight-loss plan? Paul was invited to speak at an IT convention in Philadelphia in January, and I asked for the days off of work so I could join him. Just like that.
December called from her OB appointment a few days before Halloween and let me listen to the sound of my grandson’s heartbeat. I cried and made plans to visit her in Ohio the first part of February, which was when she was due, so that I could help her out. Again, it was so easy to make the arrangements since it was only my schedule I had to consider.
I told December what had happened with Stormy, but she already knew. The girls were pretty close despite being ten years apart in age. Though she commiserated with me for bumbling the incident, she was also a teacher and knew what a serious problem cheating was. She consoled me by saying she wished more parents were willing to consider the possibility that their child might be guilty rather than becoming instantly defensive.
“For every kid falsely accused, there are fifteen guilty ones screaming their innocence.” She also relayed how nice it was that Stormy had the chance to build a relationship with her dad.
I tried not to take that as another personal failure, as I’d never pushed December’s dad to stay in touch with her, and he hadn’t. Had that created a hole in her life?
I changed the subject, and she
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