Crushing Desire

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Authors: April Dawn
Tags: Romance
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as being more than he intended?” Reena inspected the white lace that trimmed the pillow she held. “What if he thought the chess queen looked like me because she was tall, ungainly, and had big feet?”
      “Oh dear girl,” Emily laughed, rubbing Reena’s arm with amused sympathy. “You still don’t realize it yet, do you dear heart? You are an attractive woman. Not all men want what society deems perfect. Some men prefer different kinds of beauty.”
    Emily sat up.
    “I believe that there is a man for every woman. There is a man somewhere in the world that will value every woman’s special type of beauty. How will you ever know if Joshua is the man who will appreciate your loveliness, if you never give him the chance to see it?”
    Reena swung her legs off the bed and brushed once at the large wrinkles that had creased into her dress. Facing the mirror, she also faced herself. She was passing pretty, but far from beautiful.
    “What if he isn’t? What if the man that will appreciate my beauty lives in Scotland, or France, or somewhere else?” Reena toyed with the bodice of her gown. “What if I don’t appreciate his beauty? What if we don’t even speak the same language?”
    Emily laughed again and stood from the bed. She moved to stand before Reena, her dress miraculously free of wrinkles.
    “Reena, my girl” She took both of Reena’s hands into her own. “You’re man will find you if he must.”
    Reena sniffled and stared at their joined hands. “But I don’t want another man to find me,” she whispered
    Emily loosed her hands and pushed Reena’s chin up so her downcast eyes met Emily’s. “Dear heart, you have options.” She wiped a stray tear, which had tracked down Reena’s cheek. “You can sit back and see what happens. Let life take its course and take what you are given. Or, you can consider your other options. You do have some wonderful men courting you.”
    Reena gritted her teeth.
    “You can enter a nunnery and give your life to God,” Emily inclined her head in a conspiratorial fashion, “though we both know you’re far too strong willed for the life of a cloistered nun.” They both smiled, but then Emily’s face turned serious, her gaze searching Reena’s. “Or you can fight for what you want. You can try to win Joshua for yourself.”
    Emily took Reena by the hand, leading her to the small chairs that faced the window. She sat in the chair across from Reena’s.
    “We could come up with a plan to snare him. Something that would make him admit his feelings for you, good or bad.”
    Reena inspected her hands.
    “You would devise a good plan, I know,” Reena said. “You always come up with good plans, and more often than not, they work.” She worried her thumb pad over her smooth fingernail. “But do I really want to wonder, for the rest of my days, if he was mine only because we tricked him?”
      And if he found out about their plans, would he hate her forever? Would she hate herself for the lies? No, she couldn’t and wouldn’t trick him. Reena cared so much for him, and she couldn’t do anything to hurt him. She had lived her life with thoughts of him always foremost in her mind, and she shouldn’t forgive herself if those thoughts were filled with betrayal and lies. No, she wouldn’t trick him, even if it meant she would be alone forever.
    “No, Emily. Schemes and plans are necessary from time to time, but never in matters of the heart.” Reena looked out the window. “I know my feelings for him must be dreadfully tedious to you, and I apologize for that, but I cannot trick him into caring for me. I should never be able to live with myself if I did.” Reena spied a small bird flying from a treetop, no doubt off to find food for its young. It landed and snatched something from the ground, and then took off again, returning to its treetop. The knots left her stomach, and her shoulders relaxed as she watched the bird feed its young amongst the peaceful beauty

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