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Authors: Johann Christoph Arnold
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all want to
“do something.” But perhaps the best thing may be simply to
look to God for strength, peace, and courage to face whatever
comes, which we want to do in any case. You know, my faith is a
bit like a damp dishrag. I don’t have any question that God can
heal…I never read in the gospels that Jesus said, “I don’t want to
heal you.” But I don’t – and can’t – have any idea how God plans
our lives. The only thing we know for sure is that Dale and I want
our lives to be in God’s hands. And whatever form that takes, we
are not only willing but eager, with heart and soul, for that to
happen.
I really must witness to the power of prayer. My whole life
has been one tremendous fight against depression, against
suicide, and I even had to be kept under strict watch at times.
There were also times when my spirits were very high and I was
unpredictable. The members of our church have prayed for me
continuously, even when I had no courage whatsoever to even
go to worship meetings, and in these last years I’ve also been
faced with the fight against cancer. All I can say is that for me the
battle was won five years ago when tremendous victory was
given over my mental illness – when the darkness of depression
had been so thick that I could even visualize death. This is completely gone now, and it is making my fight against cancer much
easier. No one should feel sorry for me, because I can only say I
have tremendous joy, and what I experience now in my fight
with cancer is nothing compared to that fight against depression and suicide years ago.
Over the last year of her life, Carole was continually in our prayers.
She still had her ups and downs and shared them openly, not only
with my wife and me, but also with other members of our congregation. A few months before she died, she wrote to me again:
With a free and very relieved heart, Dale and I want to stop the
whole medical process now, even if the cancer has spread to my
liver. Medically there is really no chance for me, and to go into
heavy-duty chemo next week would just be the end of things. I
don’t want to waste any more time in that way. None of us
knows what God has in mind for us, be it life or
Life,
and with or
without chemo, all we want is God’s will for us. What means so
very much to me in these days is to be up and around, working
when I can, and to be in constant contact with young people,
people who are enthusiastic for life. All of that will not be possible if we undergo another round of chemotherapy.
Just to say again – we have not been able to, or even wanted
to, ask for healing in our personal prayers. This doesn’t come out of
any “holy” conviction, but it’s just that we feel deeply that God’s will
is
going to be done, with or without medicine.
And in another letter:
I just want to tell you that these last few years have been the
happiest of my whole life, in spite of the cancer. I’ve always been
so frantically afraid of death, and now I’m just waiting for it,
whenever it happens. Dale and I have both been given this
indescribable gift – the prayer of the church. I don’t think in all
our lives we have experienced so much peace and happiness
and very deep joy. It’s just a wonder to us both. The physical pain
is sometimes hard to bear, but even that is relieved, knowing
that help and prayer are always there.
We’ve talked together about dying many, many times. Dale
said that the time when he really faced losing me was when I
went into the lock-up ward during a bout with depression. He
said he feared I would never be able to “come back,” and now
we’re so very much more together, even though we’ve had a few
rough patches since then, but who hasn’t?
Dale and I feel that we need to really make use of the days
and the minutes we have left together. We have often talked
about how we wasted
“do something.” But perhaps the best thing may be simply to
look to God for strength, peace, and courage to face whatever
comes, which we want to do in any case. You know, my faith is a
bit like a damp dishrag. I don’t have any question that God can
heal…I never read in the gospels that Jesus said, “I don’t want to
heal you.” But I don’t – and can’t – have any idea how God plans
our lives. The only thing we know for sure is that Dale and I want
our lives to be in God’s hands. And whatever form that takes, we
are not only willing but eager, with heart and soul, for that to
happen.
I really must witness to the power of prayer. My whole life
has been one tremendous fight against depression, against
suicide, and I even had to be kept under strict watch at times.
There were also times when my spirits were very high and I was
unpredictable. The members of our church have prayed for me
continuously, even when I had no courage whatsoever to even
go to worship meetings, and in these last years I’ve also been
faced with the fight against cancer. All I can say is that for me the
battle was won five years ago when tremendous victory was
given over my mental illness – when the darkness of depression
had been so thick that I could even visualize death. This is completely gone now, and it is making my fight against cancer much
easier. No one should feel sorry for me, because I can only say I
have tremendous joy, and what I experience now in my fight
with cancer is nothing compared to that fight against depression and suicide years ago.
Over the last year of her life, Carole was continually in our prayers.
She still had her ups and downs and shared them openly, not only
with my wife and me, but also with other members of our congregation. A few months before she died, she wrote to me again:
With a free and very relieved heart, Dale and I want to stop the
whole medical process now, even if the cancer has spread to my
liver. Medically there is really no chance for me, and to go into
heavy-duty chemo next week would just be the end of things. I
don’t want to waste any more time in that way. None of us
knows what God has in mind for us, be it life or
Life,
and with or
without chemo, all we want is God’s will for us. What means so
very much to me in these days is to be up and around, working
when I can, and to be in constant contact with young people,
people who are enthusiastic for life. All of that will not be possible if we undergo another round of chemotherapy.
Just to say again – we have not been able to, or even wanted
to, ask for healing in our personal prayers. This doesn’t come out of
any “holy” conviction, but it’s just that we feel deeply that God’s will
is
going to be done, with or without medicine.
And in another letter:
I just want to tell you that these last few years have been the
happiest of my whole life, in spite of the cancer. I’ve always been
so frantically afraid of death, and now I’m just waiting for it,
whenever it happens. Dale and I have both been given this
indescribable gift – the prayer of the church. I don’t think in all
our lives we have experienced so much peace and happiness
and very deep joy. It’s just a wonder to us both. The physical pain
is sometimes hard to bear, but even that is relieved, knowing
that help and prayer are always there.
We’ve talked together about dying many, many times. Dale
said that the time when he really faced losing me was when I
went into the lock-up ward during a bout with depression. He
said he feared I would never be able to “come back,” and now
we’re so very much more together, even though we’ve had a few
rough patches since then, but who hasn’t?
Dale and I feel that we need to really make use of the days
and the minutes we have left together. We have often talked
about how we wasted
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