and accommodating to me. And the thought of someone taking care of me makes me feel incredible. It’s just that I don’t want it to be him. I thought I was over Bradley, but I’m not. I want him to take care of me. I think that’s what’s bothering me.
When I took the test to see if I was pregnant at the doctor, all I could think of was that I wanted it to be positive. I’ve never thought I’d be excited, hopeful for that. But I found myself yearning for a baby with Bradley. I daydreamed about us picking out baby furniture, painting a nursery, and being a family. I want that. I am angry with myself for entertaining the thought of anything else.
I feel bad because Ian has been so good to me, but I realize I have to talk to Bradley on Wednesday. I know he basically gave me an ultimatum last week about wanting more. I think I just need to call him on that, and see if he’s bluffing. Maybe once he knows everything. Once he knows how I feel, he’ll feel differently.
As Ian pulls into my driveway, I feel that awkward tension. What to do now ? I am going to be okay. I no longer really need someone to carry me around. Do I invite him inside? Do I get his number even though I have no intentions of ever seeing him again? I have no clue what to do. I hate to be that girl. You know, the one that takes advantage of his kindness and then ditches him.
Turning towards him as I unbuckle my seat belt, our eyes lock. It’s so frustrating that we have this connection, this attraction. It’s very difficult for me to make clear, rash decisions in his presence. I know what I have to do, though. I swallow. “Ian, thank you so much for everything.”
He nods his head. “Sure. So I guess this is it, then?”
“Yeah. I had a really great time…” Shit, this is hard . I close my eyes before I say the next sentence. It’s because I know I don’t mean it. I need my game face, but I’m not sure I have the energy to use it. I’m not sure he will fall for it. Nothing I usually do has worked on him. “I’m just…I’m just not looking for anything serious right now.” Liar . All you want is something serious . This week has vividly shown me that.
“Yeah, me neither,” he replies with a wicked grin. “But I would love to have more of what we had before you went and got crazy sick on me this morning.”
As sick as I am, his sexy voice – those words – cause my body to jump to attention. I question whether I’m doing the right thing, but I think I am.
“I’m so sorry about this morning. I’m mortified, really. I am –”
He puts his finger over my lips, brushing a stray piece of hair that has fallen into my face from my messy ponytail back. “People get sick, I get it.” I know that look in his eyes. The one he gets before he’s about to kiss me. “No need to apologize.” He leans over and plants a tender, sweet kiss on my lips. “Feel better.”
Yet another sweet gesture from him. Sitting here I realize how confused I am. I know what I need to do. What I should do. Why is it so hard ? Snap out of it . I apologetically smile as I reach to open the door. I have never felt like I’ve taken advantage of someone until now. Part of me wants to invite him in and see where things go, but I know I can’t. Get. Out. Of. The. Car .
“Thanks again,” I whisper.
Ian smiles. “Bye Veronica.”
Well the smile at least makes me feel a little better. He waits for me to get inside before he drives away. As I put the key in the lock, I remember him last night, his body against mine. Chills pop up all over my skin, even in the sweltering Atlanta heat, at the mere thought of his breath on my neck, at his touch.
He seems like a great guy, and in any other situation, I’d be a fool for walking away from him. Forget about him, Veronica. Just let him go. Act like he doesn’t even exist .
I hold my head high and walk into the kitchen to put away all of my new medications. I reach for my cell phone that is charging
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