Read Online Complete Nothing by Kieran Scott - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kieran Scott
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tremulous voice repeated in my head.
Why not? he blurted in reply. Why not? Why not? Why not?
It was like I didn’t matter to him one bit. Like breaking up with me was nothing. Did he really think I wanted someone else? Someone like Lance? Did he think that I thought I was too good for him?
“No.”
I said the word so loudly I startled a girl reading a romance novel near the windows.
“Sorry,” I said, shoving everything haphazardly into my leather backpack. “Sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I felt snot forming inside my nose. I took a deep breath and blinked rapidly. I had to get out of there. Now. My knees shaking beneath me as if I’d just done five hundred first-position deep pliés at the barre, I somehow made it out the door.
There had to be some kind of mistake. Peter wouldn’t just break up with me out of nowhere. We were fine. We were happy. We were a perfect couple. We’d never fought in the fifteen months, three weeks, and three days we’d been together. Not once. Yes, he’d been snapping at me here and there, acting impatient, but that was different. That was a phase. Not a cause for a breakup. There had to be some kind of mistake.
I repeated this word to myself over and over again like a mantra as I walked toward the locker rooms just outside the gym.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Why not? Whynotwhynotwhynot?
No.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Mistake mistake mistake.
A twittering klatch of freshman girls stood near their lockers gossiping and messing with their hair. God, how excited they’d be when they heard that Peter Marrott was single again. I felt an ache in my heart that seemed unsurvivable, but yet, I kept walking.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Mistake mistake mistake.
I got to the door of the boys’ locker room. Only then did I realize I could follow Peter no farther. Inside, I heard boy laughter, the kind that normally made my heart quicken because it was just so male, so mysteriously carefree. Now I wanted to slam my hand against the door and scream. Were they laughing at me? Was he telling them he’d finally dumped the bookish bitch they couldn’t stand? I could see Lester doing a happy dance, whooping it up over my misery.
One humiliated tear spilled down my cheek, and then my teeth clenched. No. He loved me. He might never have said it, but he did. Or at the very least, he respected me. He wouldn’t talk about me behind my back. He’d never do that. I turned and walked through the doors of the always ice-cold gymnasium, then out the back door, where the football players would eventually emerge from their locker room. The JV girls’ soccer team was gathered into a huddle with their coach under a copse of trees, and that True girl sat on one of the metal benches, watching Gavin and Orion chat by the door with Mitchell Ross.
Well, at least if those three were out here, they weren’t laughing at me inside. Part of me wanted to walk over there and talk to Gavin. To see if he knew anything about this. He and I had always gotten along pretty well, I thought. At least compared tome and Peter’s other friends. Gavin was more mature than the rest of them. More intelligent. He actually listened when I spoke. Maybe he’d have an explanation for me. Maybe he’d even talk to Peter for me.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go over there and beg the best friend for information. I had my pride. I needed to talk to Peter myself. I had to explain. I didn’t think he was pathetic. Not really. I understood that he didn’t want to graduate. Leaving the world we knew behind was going to be hard for everyone, but everyone else was at least trying to figure out what came next. I just wanted him to wake up and smell the future. I didn’t want him to get left behind.
That was what I would tell him. I would tell him that I was only doing these things because I cared about him. I just had to tell him and everything would be fine.
The heavy metal
Why not? he blurted in reply. Why not? Why not? Why not?
It was like I didn’t matter to him one bit. Like breaking up with me was nothing. Did he really think I wanted someone else? Someone like Lance? Did he think that I thought I was too good for him?
“No.”
I said the word so loudly I startled a girl reading a romance novel near the windows.
“Sorry,” I said, shoving everything haphazardly into my leather backpack. “Sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Tears filled my eyes, and I felt snot forming inside my nose. I took a deep breath and blinked rapidly. I had to get out of there. Now. My knees shaking beneath me as if I’d just done five hundred first-position deep pliés at the barre, I somehow made it out the door.
There had to be some kind of mistake. Peter wouldn’t just break up with me out of nowhere. We were fine. We were happy. We were a perfect couple. We’d never fought in the fifteen months, three weeks, and three days we’d been together. Not once. Yes, he’d been snapping at me here and there, acting impatient, but that was different. That was a phase. Not a cause for a breakup. There had to be some kind of mistake.
I repeated this word to myself over and over again like a mantra as I walked toward the locker rooms just outside the gym.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Why not? Whynotwhynotwhynot?
No.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Mistake mistake mistake.
A twittering klatch of freshman girls stood near their lockers gossiping and messing with their hair. God, how excited they’d be when they heard that Peter Marrott was single again. I felt an ache in my heart that seemed unsurvivable, but yet, I kept walking.
Mistake mistake mistake.
Mistake mistake mistake.
I got to the door of the boys’ locker room. Only then did I realize I could follow Peter no farther. Inside, I heard boy laughter, the kind that normally made my heart quicken because it was just so male, so mysteriously carefree. Now I wanted to slam my hand against the door and scream. Were they laughing at me? Was he telling them he’d finally dumped the bookish bitch they couldn’t stand? I could see Lester doing a happy dance, whooping it up over my misery.
One humiliated tear spilled down my cheek, and then my teeth clenched. No. He loved me. He might never have said it, but he did. Or at the very least, he respected me. He wouldn’t talk about me behind my back. He’d never do that. I turned and walked through the doors of the always ice-cold gymnasium, then out the back door, where the football players would eventually emerge from their locker room. The JV girls’ soccer team was gathered into a huddle with their coach under a copse of trees, and that True girl sat on one of the metal benches, watching Gavin and Orion chat by the door with Mitchell Ross.
Well, at least if those three were out here, they weren’t laughing at me inside. Part of me wanted to walk over there and talk to Gavin. To see if he knew anything about this. He and I had always gotten along pretty well, I thought. At least compared tome and Peter’s other friends. Gavin was more mature than the rest of them. More intelligent. He actually listened when I spoke. Maybe he’d have an explanation for me. Maybe he’d even talk to Peter for me.
But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go over there and beg the best friend for information. I had my pride. I needed to talk to Peter myself. I had to explain. I didn’t think he was pathetic. Not really. I understood that he didn’t want to graduate. Leaving the world we knew behind was going to be hard for everyone, but everyone else was at least trying to figure out what came next. I just wanted him to wake up and smell the future. I didn’t want him to get left behind.
That was what I would tell him. I would tell him that I was only doing these things because I cared about him. I just had to tell him and everything would be fine.
The heavy metal
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