Read Online Coming Undone by Staci Stallings - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Staci Stallings
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with grief, knowing she had no words to ease their sorrow, and slowly but surely she had learned that although she couldn’t, God could.
Her thoughts turned to Mr. Warren, the man with the incredibly sad eyes. He was struggling so hard. He wanted to do the right thing. That much was obvious. But how do you do the right thing when that means giving up? Kathryn shook her head at his dilemma. “We’re not programmed to be quitters, God. We’re not. We’re raised—the whole lot of us—to believe we can do anything we put our minds to or that we should be able to.” She closed her eyes to the pain that surged in her soul. “But when we can’t, where do we even go with that? Especially when we don’t know You. God, please be with Mr. Warren and with his dad. They need You so much, Lord. Both of them. Please guide them through this difficult time. And Lord, if I am to be any part of this, please give me the words to be part of Your solution. Do it through me if that is Your will. This I ask in Your name. Amen.”
“ Good morning,” Kathryn said as she strode into the unit the next morning. A good night’s sleep had done wonders for her disposition.
“ Kate.” Misty didn’t even let her get a step down the hallway.
Coffee in one hand, briefcase in the other, she stopped. She never liked that tone.
“ Kate,” Misty said, coming around the desk, and a list of the patients streamed through Kathryn’s mind. When Misty was only an arm’s length from her, she stopped and gazed at her friend for a very long moment. “Mrs. Baker passed away overnight.”
The coffee shook nearly spilling from her hand.
“ Here, let me take that.” Without brooking an argument, Misty took the coffee. “Come on, let’s go to your office.” She took hold of her friend’s elbow and steered her down the hallway.
“ What… what time?” It felt like a knife to the gut. Many, many patients went through. Some she hardly remembered, but there were some she knew she would never forget. Mrs. Baker—Emma was one of them.
“ I don’t really know. Janet checked on her at two, and she was sleeping. At four, she was gone.”
“ Have they… Have they notified the family?” Slowly the wheels of her role started to reassert themselves.
“ Yes. They’ve already been here to get her things. In fact, I think housekeeping has already cleaned the room.”
In the office, she sat down on the client side of the desk in one of the two chairs. Misty got her some tissue, and they sat like that for a moment. Kathryn could feel her heart cracking in half as she dabbed at her eyes.
“ I didn’t even get to say good-bye.”
“ No, but you helped them to. That’s what matters.”
There had been no change overnight in his father’s condition. That was so frustrating because if he just went one way or the other Ben would know what to do. He checked on everything at the eight a.m. visitation time, and then realizing he had to make this decision or stay in limbo forever, he pulled out his phone and dialed her number. Closing his eyes, he made a deal with the universe that if she didn’t answer, that would be his answer.
“ Let the service get it,” Misty said when the phone on Kathryn’s desk rang.
Determined to do her job the best she could whether or not she felt like falling apart, Kathryn stood. “No. It’s okay. I’m all right.” She stepped over and picked up the phone. She hadn’t even had time to make it forward to her cell, which was usually accomplished no later than 8:05. One glance told her 8:05 had long past. “St. Anthony’s Hospice, Kathryn Walker.” The first words had sounded so professional and then she sniffed, totally blowing her act.
Misty ripped three more tissues out and handed them to her.
“ Uh, Ms. Walker?” Ben knew in a heartbeat he shouldn’t have called. “I’m sorry. This is Ben Warren, from yesterday, if this is a bad time…”
“ No. No, Mr. Warren, this
Her thoughts turned to Mr. Warren, the man with the incredibly sad eyes. He was struggling so hard. He wanted to do the right thing. That much was obvious. But how do you do the right thing when that means giving up? Kathryn shook her head at his dilemma. “We’re not programmed to be quitters, God. We’re not. We’re raised—the whole lot of us—to believe we can do anything we put our minds to or that we should be able to.” She closed her eyes to the pain that surged in her soul. “But when we can’t, where do we even go with that? Especially when we don’t know You. God, please be with Mr. Warren and with his dad. They need You so much, Lord. Both of them. Please guide them through this difficult time. And Lord, if I am to be any part of this, please give me the words to be part of Your solution. Do it through me if that is Your will. This I ask in Your name. Amen.”
“ Good morning,” Kathryn said as she strode into the unit the next morning. A good night’s sleep had done wonders for her disposition.
“ Kate.” Misty didn’t even let her get a step down the hallway.
Coffee in one hand, briefcase in the other, she stopped. She never liked that tone.
“ Kate,” Misty said, coming around the desk, and a list of the patients streamed through Kathryn’s mind. When Misty was only an arm’s length from her, she stopped and gazed at her friend for a very long moment. “Mrs. Baker passed away overnight.”
The coffee shook nearly spilling from her hand.
“ Here, let me take that.” Without brooking an argument, Misty took the coffee. “Come on, let’s go to your office.” She took hold of her friend’s elbow and steered her down the hallway.
“ What… what time?” It felt like a knife to the gut. Many, many patients went through. Some she hardly remembered, but there were some she knew she would never forget. Mrs. Baker—Emma was one of them.
“ I don’t really know. Janet checked on her at two, and she was sleeping. At four, she was gone.”
“ Have they… Have they notified the family?” Slowly the wheels of her role started to reassert themselves.
“ Yes. They’ve already been here to get her things. In fact, I think housekeeping has already cleaned the room.”
In the office, she sat down on the client side of the desk in one of the two chairs. Misty got her some tissue, and they sat like that for a moment. Kathryn could feel her heart cracking in half as she dabbed at her eyes.
“ I didn’t even get to say good-bye.”
“ No, but you helped them to. That’s what matters.”
There had been no change overnight in his father’s condition. That was so frustrating because if he just went one way or the other Ben would know what to do. He checked on everything at the eight a.m. visitation time, and then realizing he had to make this decision or stay in limbo forever, he pulled out his phone and dialed her number. Closing his eyes, he made a deal with the universe that if she didn’t answer, that would be his answer.
“ Let the service get it,” Misty said when the phone on Kathryn’s desk rang.
Determined to do her job the best she could whether or not she felt like falling apart, Kathryn stood. “No. It’s okay. I’m all right.” She stepped over and picked up the phone. She hadn’t even had time to make it forward to her cell, which was usually accomplished no later than 8:05. One glance told her 8:05 had long past. “St. Anthony’s Hospice, Kathryn Walker.” The first words had sounded so professional and then she sniffed, totally blowing her act.
Misty ripped three more tissues out and handed them to her.
“ Uh, Ms. Walker?” Ben knew in a heartbeat he shouldn’t have called. “I’m sorry. This is Ben Warren, from yesterday, if this is a bad time…”
“ No. No, Mr. Warren, this
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