Read Online Comedy of Erinn by Celia Bonaduce - Free Book Online Page B

sub-ter-fugierie .”
    â€œYes, Erinn. Thank you, I know what subterfuge means. And how do I know? Because you have told me a thousand times. But OK, you’re right. Cary gave me the poop.”
    Erinn winced at her agent’s choice of words. Clearly, the expression her agent was grasping for was “Cary filled me in,” or the clichéd but perfectly serviceable “Cary gave me the lowdown,” or even the industry-tinged “Cary gave me the breakdown.”
    â€œI’m not sure what to make of this Jude person,” Erinn said as she heaved herself out of the car. “He seems to have a very unusual sense of humor.”
    â€œTranslation: He makes fun of you and you don’t like it.”
    â€œI have a sense of humor, Mimi.”
    â€œYes, dear.”
    â€œI do,” Erinn continued as she walked up the path to the front door. “But like everything else, comedy has rules—and he doesn’t seem to follow any of them.”
    â€œYou’ll warm up, I’m sure of it.”
    â€œI wouldn’t count on it. Do you want to hear what he did today?”
    â€œMore than you know.”
    Erinn stopped on the front step. “In a moment of misguided good will, I asked Jude if he wanted to show me the office. We started walking down hallway after identical hallway, with Jude bleating out, “Here’s where they do home and gardening, here’s where they do travel destinations, here’s more History Network, here’s where they’re doing a documentary on Saint Paul.”
    â€œOh God.”
    â€œYes! Well, of course I thought, this is a perfect time for a stirring intellectual discussion.”
    â€œOh God.”
    â€œI said to him, ‘Oh? And what is the position of documentary writers on Saint Paul?’ And do you know what he said to me? Of course you don’t. He said... ‘I don’t think they have a position.’ Then he asked me if I had a position!”
    â€œOh God.”
    â€œI said of course I have a position! And he asked me what that might be.”
    Mimi whimpered on the other end of the phone.
    â€œI said I held Saint Paul personally responsible for all the small-minded, superstitious misogyny that permeates the world today. Well, half the world. And do you know what he said? Of course you don’t. He said, ‘I don’t think anybody here thinks that.’ I was ready to walk out the door.”
    â€œBut you didn’t—right?”
    â€œJude followed me to the elevator, and as I stepped inside, he said, ‘I’d love to keep this going, Erinn, but the documentary is for the Travel Channel. It’s about the city of Saint Paul.’ And then the elevator door slammed.”
    Mimi snickered.
    â€œIt’s not funny,” Erinn said.
    â€œI know, honey,” Mimi said. “But it could be worse. Trust me.”
    â€œI’m not sure if the fact that I’m going to be traveling around with just Jude is going to make things better or worse.”
    â€œIt is what you make of it.”
    â€œThank you, Yoda.”
    â€œWas that a pop culture reference—after only one day in TV production?”
    Erinn smiled. “I can sling thirty-year-old pop culture references with the best of them!”
    They hung up as Erinn let herself into the house. She sniffed the air—the aroma transported her back to Italy, and for a moment she was lost in the delectable soup of memory. Caro brought her back to the present with a grating meow. He stared up at her and abruptly turned his back on her. Erinn followed the cat—and the dull clanging sounds of pots and pans—toward the kitchen.
    She found Massimo, wearing a white dress shirt rolled at the cuffs, charcoal-gray trousers, and leather shoes, confidently whisking, stirring, and boiling. He didn’t seem to be aware of her, and as she looked on, she wondered: Did I take leave of my senses and offer my house to