I knew it didn’t sound good. Momma and I’d kept
our mouths shut, that is until Aunt Matilda found out daddy left us and she
came to stay.
“Be
proud of who you are!” Aunt Matilda would look deep into my eyes. She gave me
scarves to match the auras I’d describe to her and she made me skirts with all
the colors of the rainbow in them.
That’s
when I wished Aunt Matilda was my momma instead of Dawn. Then, one day momma
went to the market and never came back. For the longest time, I thought I’d
actually wished her away.
But
all that’s in the past.
Still,
I’m going to be helping Erin out at Color Me Love. Actually, I’m going to sit
behind a two-way mirror window reading the client’s aura while Erin interviews
them.
I
will tell Erin which suitor will be the best match for her client based on
their aura compatibility.
That
way, they won’t see me, but I will be able to see their auras. She has to do
this one suitor at a time or my senses go all haywire. This was one of the
other reasons I started Splitsville.com. If I focus on too many people at once,
I pass out. And that becomes very hard to explain once you do it several times
a day. Plus, I’ve been fired a lot because they think I’m a liability.
I
clicked over to my PayPal account and made sure Nick had paid for my services.
I was happy to see the payment was made.
“Who
is this?” Rebecca laughed into the phone. “This is a joke, right?”
“Oh,
Rebecca, I never joke about breakups.” I took the list off the bulletin board.
“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com.” This time I said it a lot slower. I’m tired of
repeating myself. And I do a lot of that in this job.
And
tapped the first stage in “the process.”
Panic.
Here
it comes.
“Splitsville
dot what?” Rebecca’s voice was a tad more serious. “Why would Nick give you my
number?”
Wow!
We made it to the second stage of “the process” pretty fast. Disbelief.
“Actually,
he hired me to break up with you through my online breakup service,
Splitsville.com.” I try to get the words out as fast as I can, because as soon
as the dumpee hears the word hire , they freak. “And he’s breaking up
with you because you’ve turned into the cat lady. He said that four cats in one
apartment are very annoying.”
I
had to pause to catch my breath. I attached the phone headset to my ear so I
can go let my dog, Herbie out to pee.
I
looked out the front window. Usually my Aunt Matilda was here by now, but I
didn’t see her truck. I glanced at my watch and noticed that I had to hurry up.
Don’t want to be late for my new gig.
“There
has to be a better reason than that,” Rebecca said.
“Nope.”
I led the way to the back door and let Herbie out into the fenced in yard. I
waved and then put my finger up to my mouth when I saw Aunt Matilda pull her
truck into my driveway. That way she’d know I was on a dump. “Nick said that
your apartment stinks, your clothes stink. And guess what? He doesn’t’ even like cats.”
I
laugh out loud while I walked into the kitchen with Aunt Matilda behind me. I
grabbed an extra mug and filled them up with coffee before I headed back to my
office and plopped down in my chair.
“Well,
he said he did.” Rebecca shot back.
“A
cat, Rebecca, one cat. Not four.” I had to get to the point. I pulled out the
secrets Nick listed on his form so Rebecca would believe me and begin to accept
the fact that Nick had dumped her. “He says he doesn’t like the cat in the room
when you two are intimate.”
“You
mean sex?” Rebecca questioned. “They are cats.”
“Do
you bring one of the cats in the bed after you are finished having sex?” I know
this one is going to hit below the belt, but he said it. I read it right from the
form he had to fill out. “Eww…what about all that hair?”
“You
know what, this is a joke.” I could hear Rebecca fiddling around in the
background.
I
knew I’d gotten her attention. Time to move in for the
our mouths shut, that is until Aunt Matilda found out daddy left us and she
came to stay.
“Be
proud of who you are!” Aunt Matilda would look deep into my eyes. She gave me
scarves to match the auras I’d describe to her and she made me skirts with all
the colors of the rainbow in them.
That’s
when I wished Aunt Matilda was my momma instead of Dawn. Then, one day momma
went to the market and never came back. For the longest time, I thought I’d
actually wished her away.
But
all that’s in the past.
Still,
I’m going to be helping Erin out at Color Me Love. Actually, I’m going to sit
behind a two-way mirror window reading the client’s aura while Erin interviews
them.
I
will tell Erin which suitor will be the best match for her client based on
their aura compatibility.
That
way, they won’t see me, but I will be able to see their auras. She has to do
this one suitor at a time or my senses go all haywire. This was one of the
other reasons I started Splitsville.com. If I focus on too many people at once,
I pass out. And that becomes very hard to explain once you do it several times
a day. Plus, I’ve been fired a lot because they think I’m a liability.
I
clicked over to my PayPal account and made sure Nick had paid for my services.
I was happy to see the payment was made.
“Who
is this?” Rebecca laughed into the phone. “This is a joke, right?”
“Oh,
Rebecca, I never joke about breakups.” I took the list off the bulletin board.
“I’m Jenn from Splitsville.com.” This time I said it a lot slower. I’m tired of
repeating myself. And I do a lot of that in this job.
And
tapped the first stage in “the process.”
Panic.
Here
it comes.
“Splitsville
dot what?” Rebecca’s voice was a tad more serious. “Why would Nick give you my
number?”
Wow!
We made it to the second stage of “the process” pretty fast. Disbelief.
“Actually,
he hired me to break up with you through my online breakup service,
Splitsville.com.” I try to get the words out as fast as I can, because as soon
as the dumpee hears the word hire , they freak. “And he’s breaking up
with you because you’ve turned into the cat lady. He said that four cats in one
apartment are very annoying.”
I
had to pause to catch my breath. I attached the phone headset to my ear so I
can go let my dog, Herbie out to pee.
I
looked out the front window. Usually my Aunt Matilda was here by now, but I
didn’t see her truck. I glanced at my watch and noticed that I had to hurry up.
Don’t want to be late for my new gig.
“There
has to be a better reason than that,” Rebecca said.
“Nope.”
I led the way to the back door and let Herbie out into the fenced in yard. I
waved and then put my finger up to my mouth when I saw Aunt Matilda pull her
truck into my driveway. That way she’d know I was on a dump. “Nick said that
your apartment stinks, your clothes stink. And guess what? He doesn’t’ even like cats.”
I
laugh out loud while I walked into the kitchen with Aunt Matilda behind me. I
grabbed an extra mug and filled them up with coffee before I headed back to my
office and plopped down in my chair.
“Well,
he said he did.” Rebecca shot back.
“A
cat, Rebecca, one cat. Not four.” I had to get to the point. I pulled out the
secrets Nick listed on his form so Rebecca would believe me and begin to accept
the fact that Nick had dumped her. “He says he doesn’t like the cat in the room
when you two are intimate.”
“You
mean sex?” Rebecca questioned. “They are cats.”
“Do
you bring one of the cats in the bed after you are finished having sex?” I know
this one is going to hit below the belt, but he said it. I read it right from the
form he had to fill out. “Eww…what about all that hair?”
“You
know what, this is a joke.” I could hear Rebecca fiddling around in the
background.
I
knew I’d gotten her attention. Time to move in for the
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