No. Had I told my class that in the Old Testament adultery applied only to married women, that married men sleeping with unmarried women committed no sin whatsoever? Yes.
Had I called it the Golden Age of Patriarchy? Guilty.
Had I ever made jokes about homosexual monkeys?
‘Chimps.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Homosexual chimps,’ I said, ‘tossing quarters on the shower floor.’
After a moment of murderous contemplation, Dr Blackwell asked me if I thought such humour was appropriate?
‘Seemed so at the time.’
When Leslie Blackwell had finished her questions, she capped her ink pen and gave me a cool gotcha smile. ‘I should tell you you’re entitled to legal representation.’
‘I guess you should have told me that before you asked your questions.’
‘This is just a preliminary investigation, Mr Albo.
If the charges have any validity, I will forward them to the vice president for academic affairs, and he will conduct a formal inquiry.’
‘What exactly are the charges?’
Dr Blackwell blinked as if talking to an idiot. ‘Sexual harassment.’
‘Sexual harassment involves unwanted sexual advances, bargaining sex for a grade, that kind of thing. Are you saying I did that?’
‘I’m not saying you did anything at this point. I’m simply looking at the complaints as they were filed.’
‘May I see the complaints?’
‘The actual complaints are part of my work product at this point.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning that material is not available to you until I’ve completed my investigation.’
I WANTED TO KILL Buddy Elder, but the moment I left Leslie Blackwell’s office I had more pressing concerns. I called our lawyer and told her what had happened.
‘I want to know what the charges are, and they’re refusing to provide me with copies of the complaints.’
‘Give me the name,’ Gail Etheridge answered. I did, and Gail told me she would take care of it.
I thought about going to Walt Beery, if only to gather courage from the voice of experience, but I decided there was an outside chance that Leslie Blackwell would actually keep the investigation confidential, as that was university policy.
The following Monday, four days after my interview, Dean Lintz called me into his office. He shut the door and sat down behind his desk. ‘What the hell is going on, Dave?’
‘You tell me,’ I said.
‘Leslie Blackwell in Affirmative Action informs me that two of your students have brought charges against you.’
‘What kind of charges?’
‘Sexual harassment. Look, don’t play the innocent with me. I know you’ve been told what’s going on.’
‘Do you have the complaints?’
‘Of course not. That’s confidential.’
‘Then why are we talking?’
‘There’s some concern that you will attempt to approach some of the witnesses. Dr Blackwell wants you to understand that any attempt to talk to anyone involved in the investigation will result in your immediate suspension.’
‘Who are the people involved?’
‘She says you have that information. You want to be careful, David. There’s a general feeling that Affirmative Action hasn’t done a good job for quite a while. That’s why they brought Blackwell in. People want to see her take somebody down, and she knows it.’
I gave Dean Lintz a relaxed smile. At least it was meant to be relaxed. ‘Wrong man, wrong case.’
‘For your sake, I hope you’re right. But try to show some restraint. Who tells jokes about gay monkeys in the classroom?’
‘So you’ve seen the complaints?’
Dean Lintz shook his head irritably. ‘I told you no.
Dr Blackwell wanted to give me some idea of the behaviour you’ve been up to. It’s incredible! And this thing about adultery, that it’s okay for married men and single women! You’re just asking for it with something like that!’
‘Personally, I’m against adultery, but there’s a lot of it going on in some of the literature.’
‘Well, skip it! You’re a married man, David!
Had I called it the Golden Age of Patriarchy? Guilty.
Had I ever made jokes about homosexual monkeys?
‘Chimps.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Homosexual chimps,’ I said, ‘tossing quarters on the shower floor.’
After a moment of murderous contemplation, Dr Blackwell asked me if I thought such humour was appropriate?
‘Seemed so at the time.’
When Leslie Blackwell had finished her questions, she capped her ink pen and gave me a cool gotcha smile. ‘I should tell you you’re entitled to legal representation.’
‘I guess you should have told me that before you asked your questions.’
‘This is just a preliminary investigation, Mr Albo.
If the charges have any validity, I will forward them to the vice president for academic affairs, and he will conduct a formal inquiry.’
‘What exactly are the charges?’
Dr Blackwell blinked as if talking to an idiot. ‘Sexual harassment.’
‘Sexual harassment involves unwanted sexual advances, bargaining sex for a grade, that kind of thing. Are you saying I did that?’
‘I’m not saying you did anything at this point. I’m simply looking at the complaints as they were filed.’
‘May I see the complaints?’
‘The actual complaints are part of my work product at this point.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning that material is not available to you until I’ve completed my investigation.’
I WANTED TO KILL Buddy Elder, but the moment I left Leslie Blackwell’s office I had more pressing concerns. I called our lawyer and told her what had happened.
‘I want to know what the charges are, and they’re refusing to provide me with copies of the complaints.’
‘Give me the name,’ Gail Etheridge answered. I did, and Gail told me she would take care of it.
I thought about going to Walt Beery, if only to gather courage from the voice of experience, but I decided there was an outside chance that Leslie Blackwell would actually keep the investigation confidential, as that was university policy.
The following Monday, four days after my interview, Dean Lintz called me into his office. He shut the door and sat down behind his desk. ‘What the hell is going on, Dave?’
‘You tell me,’ I said.
‘Leslie Blackwell in Affirmative Action informs me that two of your students have brought charges against you.’
‘What kind of charges?’
‘Sexual harassment. Look, don’t play the innocent with me. I know you’ve been told what’s going on.’
‘Do you have the complaints?’
‘Of course not. That’s confidential.’
‘Then why are we talking?’
‘There’s some concern that you will attempt to approach some of the witnesses. Dr Blackwell wants you to understand that any attempt to talk to anyone involved in the investigation will result in your immediate suspension.’
‘Who are the people involved?’
‘She says you have that information. You want to be careful, David. There’s a general feeling that Affirmative Action hasn’t done a good job for quite a while. That’s why they brought Blackwell in. People want to see her take somebody down, and she knows it.’
I gave Dean Lintz a relaxed smile. At least it was meant to be relaxed. ‘Wrong man, wrong case.’
‘For your sake, I hope you’re right. But try to show some restraint. Who tells jokes about gay monkeys in the classroom?’
‘So you’ve seen the complaints?’
Dean Lintz shook his head irritably. ‘I told you no.
Dr Blackwell wanted to give me some idea of the behaviour you’ve been up to. It’s incredible! And this thing about adultery, that it’s okay for married men and single women! You’re just asking for it with something like that!’
‘Personally, I’m against adultery, but there’s a lot of it going on in some of the literature.’
‘Well, skip it! You’re a married man, David!
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