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emotionally exhausted. She desperately wanted a drink of water, but there was no time in between her contractions to ask for one, and she hardly had the energy to speak. The lights on the ceiling wavered in and out of focus and she was barely aware of who was in the room with her. She assumed James was still there somewhere because she heard his voice every now and again, but there could have been an entire football team in the room and she wouldn’t have noticed.
    With each contraction she felt for sure it was going to be the one that ripped her insides in two. The gas the midwife gave her hadn’t alleviated her pain, and despite the intensity and frequency of the contractions it seemed she was no closer to having the baby than she had been twenty-six hours earlier. An epidural had never been part of her birth plan, but when she thought she could handle the pain no more she mustered the strength to ask for one.
    Relief washed over her as the epidural took effect and the pain receded, but the relief was short-lived when she heard the conversation her midwife was having with the obstetrician.
    â€˜BP’s dropping.’
    â€˜How’s the baby doing?’
    â€˜Starting to show signs of distress during the contractions and a slow recover to baseline.’
    â€˜How long has she been on the Syntocinon?’
    â€˜Ten hours.’
    The obstetrician’s face hovered over Catriona’s. ‘We think it’s important to get your baby out soon, so we’d like to talk to you about your options.’
    â€˜What’s happening?’ she asked, struggling to prop up her body with her elbows. She looked across at James for reassurance, but he seemed as distressed as her.
    â€˜The epidural has caused your blood pressure to drop, and that’s affecting the amount of oxygen getting to your baby. Because you’re on a high dose of Syntocinon your contractions are very strong and we’re concerned about how your baby will cope if we continue.’
    Catriona looked at the heart-rate monitor, but in her exhausted state she couldn’t make sense of it. ‘What should we do?’
    â€˜We can’t be sure how much longer a natural delivery will take,’ the obstetrician said. ‘And if the heart rate continues in this pattern, then we’ll need to get your baby out as quickly as possible. My opinion is that a caesarean is the safest option for you and your baby at this point.’
    â€˜I don’t want that,’ Catriona said, hearing the whine in her voice but not caring. ‘I want a natural birth.’
    â€˜We can keep trying for a little while longer if you want. And another thing we can do is to take a sample of blood from the baby’s scalp, which will give us a better idea of how it’s coping, and then we can make a more informed decision,’ the obstetrician said. ‘It’s your decision, of course. But if your baby continues to shows signs of distress, then we’ll need to do an emergency C-section.’
    Catriona slumped back against the pillows and closed her eyes. Someone took hold of her hand and when she opened her eyes again, James’s face was next to hers.
    â€˜I think we should go with the caesarean now,’ he said. ‘If that’s what’s best for the baby. We don’t want to wait for it to get worse.’
    She stared into his eyes, beseeching him. ‘But I didn’t want a caesarean. We had a plan.’
    â€˜I know,’ he said, squeezing her hand. ‘But we need to do whatever’s best for our baby. And you’re exhausted. I know it’s not what you wanted, but I just want you both to be safe.’
    Catriona was disappointed that it had come to this, but she knew he was right. As she was prepared for surgery, James tried to reassure her that they were doing the right thing, telling her it would soon be over and their baby would be with them. She barely had time to respond before she