Read Online Circle the Soul Softly by Davida Wills Hurwin - Free Book Online Page B

gently lifts me toward him so that when he lies down, he can pull me on top.
    He kisses me again. I can feel the hardness of him pressing into my hip. He breathes faster. His hand clamps down behind my head and even though he’s not hurting me, all of a sudden—
    I don’t like it. I want him to stop.
    I squirm but he doesn’t notice; he holds me tighter. I don’t understand what’s happening to me—the panic simmering inside is way out of proportion. This is David. We’re in love. This is what I want.
    I manage to get us to roll side by side so I can catch my breath. He smiles, and his voice is like sweet chocolate.
    â€œSorry, I guess I better slow down, huh?”
    When I nod, he moves back a few inches and takes a long, deep sigh.
    â€œDo you know how hard this week has been? No pun intended.”
    I don’t trust my voice; I shake my head and smile.
    â€œI’m lucky I got to sleep at all.” I think of him snoring and relax a little. He pushes my hair back out of my eyes and kisses my forehead and then my nose. Then he cups my head again and gently guides me toward him. As we kiss, he holds me close. This time we’re lying on the bed, facing each other. I feel my body responding to him, wanting him, but panic bubbles up again. I start to breathe really fast.
    â€œI know,” he says, with a twinkle in his eye. “Look what you do to me.”
    He takes my hand and moves it onto the front of him. Holds it there. I freeze. Literally. When he kisses me, I can’t move. I’m terrified, and I can’t tell him. I want to run away, but I’m not connected to myself anymore. I realize I have no control of my body.
    I see David—
    I know where I am—
    I am aware of the noises in the street and music playing from downstairs—
    But I am no longer here.
    â€œKatie?” His voice is soft. “Hey—” He shifts his body and peers into my eyes. “Are you okay?”
    The most I can do is turn my eyes to his.
    â€œOh, baby, you’re scared. Don’t be scared.”
    I get to take a breath. It comes out hard.
    â€œHoney, we can stop. It’s okay. You want to stop?”
    I don’t know if I nod. I want to; maybe I do. He smiles. “Hey. I love you.” He touches my face. “I can’t even tell you how much. It’s too strange.”
    Now I’m starting to cry, little sneaky tears, the ones that leak out whether you want them to or not.
    â€œKatie, don’t cry. Nothing to cry about. We don’t need to do this now.”
    â€œI’m sorry,” I manage to say.
    â€œIt’s okay, it’s okay. It’s my fault for going too fast. I love you.” He takes my chin in his hand and lifts my eyes up to his. “Got that? I—love—you.” He glances down and makes a face. “Yeah. Okay. Be right back.”
    He goes into the bathroom. I sit up and stare out the window.
    I don’t know what I’m thinking.
    I don’t know what I feel.
    Everything is whirling about way too fast, and I don’t seem able to order it in any way that makes sense.
    I concentrate on breathing.
    I focus on the night outside the window.
    I feel I should do something, but don’t know what it is.

TWENTY-ONE
    â€œCat got your tongue?” Michael asks. We’re in the jeep, on the 580 toward Sacramento. David and Casey are on their way to Lake Tahoe to meet up with their parents. They have a house there, too.
    â€œTired.”
    â€œYou and David didn’t sleep too much, huh?” He’s wearing his Dumb Jock face, and it makes my stomach twinge.
    â€œIt’s not like that.”
    A pause—he loses the smile. “Sorry, Skates.” Does he actually hear the tone of my voice? “You want to talk about it?”
    Magic words. Because yes, I want to talk about it—if only I knew just what the hell it was. I sigh. I shrug. He waits a few more minutes before