stop. I lower my head and put it on the steering wheel. I don’t know what I expected from him, but this seems close. So , why am I crying? I knew going into this last night that Ryan wasn’t a forever kind of guy. Hell, I’m not even his type. The idea that I was a pity bang flashes in my mind and my tears turn to big, wet, ugly sobs.
I stay like that for a minute or five, I’m not sure, but the engine is still cold and I’m covered in goose bumps when there is a knock on my window. I startle and sit up. Ryan’s standing there. I lock my jaw to keep from crying. The tears dry up, but my face is still wet. I grab the gear shifter and throw the car in reverse, re ady to lift my foot from the br ak e and floor it .
“Holly, please.” Ryan’ s voice is muffled through the window, but I hear it. I hear something fragile there too. Even in all my distress, I hear the way his voice warbles slightly when he says my name. Again, he says, “Please.”
How do I want things to be? The thought flashes in my mind before I act. The only thing I know for certain is that I don’t want things to end like this. I throw the car back into park and press my finger to the window button. It screeches as it slides down at a god - awful pace.
It’s barely opened a crack when Ryan grumbles something and reaches for my door. He yanks it o pen and pulls me out of the car carefully, gently. It’s not like his desperate movement in the elevator last night. His touch is firm, but gentle, like he knows he’ll never touch me again. Then, Ryan take s both sides of my damp face in his palms and says , “I need to tell you something and I suck at this. It scares me to death.” He breaths like he’s been running, like he put on clothes and chased after me. His blue gaze lowers and he speaks to me through his lashes, like he can’t bear to say the words. “I wouldn’t trade last night for anything. I’m glad it was real, that it really happened. I’ve wanted you for so long, but it never worked out. Then last night came and I saw you there. It was like I had a second chance and I didn’t want to lose you ag ain, even if it tore me apart, e ven if you didn’t feel the same way about me.” His eyes flick up. He swallows hard and says, “Holly, I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” His hands slip off my cheeks and I stand there, half frozen, with my jaw hanging open. Did he really say that?
Sniffling, I ask, “You have feelings for me?”
Ryan looks at my shoulder, not my face, and nods. “It’s why Greg tries to keep me away from you. I act like an intoxicated idiot when you’re around, according to him anyway. You’re the only person who I couldn’t get over, and I never even kissed you before last night. I can’t image how hard it will be now.” His voice sounds strained, but he smiles as he says it, like it ’ s inevitable .
I’m startled into silence. I stare at Ryan and feel like I’m caught between dreams and wake , and that there is no way this can be real. Despite the snow, I no longer shiver. I’ve gone numb. I hear the car engine behind me. I can leave. I can leave this behind and never look back, but I don’t want to.
I find myself speaking before I know what I’m going to say, “I can’t imagine how you didn’t know, how you didn’t see it. I was certain everyone knew.” Ryan half looks like he wants to hear, but he cringes away waiting for the hammer to slam into him. I reach out for his hand. “I’ve kind of had a thing for you for the past three years. I tried to stay away from you , because I didn’t want to get my heart squashed and I obviously wasn’t your type. You don’t like this,” I lift the ends of my very brown hair and then gesture to the rest of me.
A hesitant smile spreads across his lips. “Actually, I prefer this type. I prefer you. You’re the one who made me have a type in the first place. But, I dated girls who were the opposite to try and get you out
I stay like that for a minute or five, I’m not sure, but the engine is still cold and I’m covered in goose bumps when there is a knock on my window. I startle and sit up. Ryan’s standing there. I lock my jaw to keep from crying. The tears dry up, but my face is still wet. I grab the gear shifter and throw the car in reverse, re ady to lift my foot from the br ak e and floor it .
“Holly, please.” Ryan’ s voice is muffled through the window, but I hear it. I hear something fragile there too. Even in all my distress, I hear the way his voice warbles slightly when he says my name. Again, he says, “Please.”
How do I want things to be? The thought flashes in my mind before I act. The only thing I know for certain is that I don’t want things to end like this. I throw the car back into park and press my finger to the window button. It screeches as it slides down at a god - awful pace.
It’s barely opened a crack when Ryan grumbles something and reaches for my door. He yanks it o pen and pulls me out of the car carefully, gently. It’s not like his desperate movement in the elevator last night. His touch is firm, but gentle, like he knows he’ll never touch me again. Then, Ryan take s both sides of my damp face in his palms and says , “I need to tell you something and I suck at this. It scares me to death.” He breaths like he’s been running, like he put on clothes and chased after me. His blue gaze lowers and he speaks to me through his lashes, like he can’t bear to say the words. “I wouldn’t trade last night for anything. I’m glad it was real, that it really happened. I’ve wanted you for so long, but it never worked out. Then last night came and I saw you there. It was like I had a second chance and I didn’t want to lose you ag ain, even if it tore me apart, e ven if you didn’t feel the same way about me.” His eyes flick up. He swallows hard and says, “Holly, I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” His hands slip off my cheeks and I stand there, half frozen, with my jaw hanging open. Did he really say that?
Sniffling, I ask, “You have feelings for me?”
Ryan looks at my shoulder, not my face, and nods. “It’s why Greg tries to keep me away from you. I act like an intoxicated idiot when you’re around, according to him anyway. You’re the only person who I couldn’t get over, and I never even kissed you before last night. I can’t image how hard it will be now.” His voice sounds strained, but he smiles as he says it, like it ’ s inevitable .
I’m startled into silence. I stare at Ryan and feel like I’m caught between dreams and wake , and that there is no way this can be real. Despite the snow, I no longer shiver. I’ve gone numb. I hear the car engine behind me. I can leave. I can leave this behind and never look back, but I don’t want to.
I find myself speaking before I know what I’m going to say, “I can’t imagine how you didn’t know, how you didn’t see it. I was certain everyone knew.” Ryan half looks like he wants to hear, but he cringes away waiting for the hammer to slam into him. I reach out for his hand. “I’ve kind of had a thing for you for the past three years. I tried to stay away from you , because I didn’t want to get my heart squashed and I obviously wasn’t your type. You don’t like this,” I lift the ends of my very brown hair and then gesture to the rest of me.
A hesitant smile spreads across his lips. “Actually, I prefer this type. I prefer you. You’re the one who made me have a type in the first place. But, I dated girls who were the opposite to try and get you out
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