in her heart; she fought the sensation, but it was difficult, given the day, not to just pull her knees up to her chest and call the whole damn thing off. “I need to know,” he said finally, “Why you called Munch and not me. Why you called Jack and not me. I need to know why you don’t trust me.”
She took a deep breath. This was both the conversation that needed to happen, and the one she’d been hoping to avoid. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. But… Shit, Mason, the last time a guy threatened me, look what happened!”
The look on his face chilled down to the temperature of cold oceans. “Yes, I’m sure I should ask forgiveness for protecting you from a guy who would have killed you if he’d thought for one second that you knew enough to be a danger to him.”
“It’s not that—I appreciate you keeping me safe. But I— we should have gone to the cops in the beginning, Mason. We wouldn’t be in this hole now.”
“You’re right. You wouldn’t be in this hole. You’d be in your pretty little house with your pretty little dog, and I’d be in jail on charges of embezzlement, guns trafficking, and distribution. But your ass would be perfectly safe, so what’s the difference?”
“You don’t know that,” Caroline said, working to keep her tone calm and even. “Jack’s friend is going to try and get you a deal.”
“What deal? I don’t need a deal, because I haven’t done anything!”
She stared at him, and he stared right back. He didn’t flinch or hesitate. “Where’s Declan, then?”
The grin that spread over his face was fueled by nothing but cruelty and pain. “I could tell you,” He said, enunciating each word like a stage actor after an elocution lesson, “But then, I would have to kill you.”
If she’d been standing, she would have stumbled away from him. Sitting, all she could do was press herself back away from him, into the arm of the couch. She saw uncertainty flicker through his eyes, but it was too late. What he’d said— there was no way to take it back.
She stood up and shook her head. “I’m not sure what you think is going on here,” she said. “I was trying to protect you. I was trying to handle my problems like an adult. I went to Teddy because I’ve known him my entire life. I went to Jack because I was scared Randall would move on him next. You were here. You have your own personal army ready to defend you. I love you, Mason, but I can’t—I’m not a rebel. I’m not a renegade. I don’t know how to live like you live.”
“No one’s asking you to live this way,” he said, and she knew he didn’t mean it, knew that he was as frightened by the coldness of the words as she was, but he said it all the same.
She didn’t know what button of his she was pressing right now to make him act this way, to make him say these things that seemed calculated to do nothing other than hurt her. But he was still doing it, and for all the screwed up things she’d been taught as a kid, she’d also been taught that if someone is hurting you on purpose, that they’re the asshole, not you, and that it was okay—even encouraged—to walk away from them.
“That’s a shame,” she said, forcing her tone to stay level, forcing herself not to cry. “Because what I was working up to saying to you was that I was trying to learn. But this is not the world I grew up in, and I need your help to figure out how to walk in it. “
He stood up too, and reached out to her, but she brushed his hands away.
“Mason, no,” she said. “I can’t— I don’t know what’s going on, why we’re fighting right now, but I can’t do this. I need some time away from all of this. Jack thinks that his friend will be able to offer you a deal, testify against the cop, about what you know about the club’s involvement in all of the dirty dealings Declan had, and you won’t be prosecuted for any of it. I’m going
She took a deep breath. This was both the conversation that needed to happen, and the one she’d been hoping to avoid. “It’s not that I don’t trust you. But… Shit, Mason, the last time a guy threatened me, look what happened!”
The look on his face chilled down to the temperature of cold oceans. “Yes, I’m sure I should ask forgiveness for protecting you from a guy who would have killed you if he’d thought for one second that you knew enough to be a danger to him.”
“It’s not that—I appreciate you keeping me safe. But I— we should have gone to the cops in the beginning, Mason. We wouldn’t be in this hole now.”
“You’re right. You wouldn’t be in this hole. You’d be in your pretty little house with your pretty little dog, and I’d be in jail on charges of embezzlement, guns trafficking, and distribution. But your ass would be perfectly safe, so what’s the difference?”
“You don’t know that,” Caroline said, working to keep her tone calm and even. “Jack’s friend is going to try and get you a deal.”
“What deal? I don’t need a deal, because I haven’t done anything!”
She stared at him, and he stared right back. He didn’t flinch or hesitate. “Where’s Declan, then?”
The grin that spread over his face was fueled by nothing but cruelty and pain. “I could tell you,” He said, enunciating each word like a stage actor after an elocution lesson, “But then, I would have to kill you.”
If she’d been standing, she would have stumbled away from him. Sitting, all she could do was press herself back away from him, into the arm of the couch. She saw uncertainty flicker through his eyes, but it was too late. What he’d said— there was no way to take it back.
She stood up and shook her head. “I’m not sure what you think is going on here,” she said. “I was trying to protect you. I was trying to handle my problems like an adult. I went to Teddy because I’ve known him my entire life. I went to Jack because I was scared Randall would move on him next. You were here. You have your own personal army ready to defend you. I love you, Mason, but I can’t—I’m not a rebel. I’m not a renegade. I don’t know how to live like you live.”
“No one’s asking you to live this way,” he said, and she knew he didn’t mean it, knew that he was as frightened by the coldness of the words as she was, but he said it all the same.
She didn’t know what button of his she was pressing right now to make him act this way, to make him say these things that seemed calculated to do nothing other than hurt her. But he was still doing it, and for all the screwed up things she’d been taught as a kid, she’d also been taught that if someone is hurting you on purpose, that they’re the asshole, not you, and that it was okay—even encouraged—to walk away from them.
“That’s a shame,” she said, forcing her tone to stay level, forcing herself not to cry. “Because what I was working up to saying to you was that I was trying to learn. But this is not the world I grew up in, and I need your help to figure out how to walk in it. “
He stood up too, and reached out to her, but she brushed his hands away.
“Mason, no,” she said. “I can’t— I don’t know what’s going on, why we’re fighting right now, but I can’t do this. I need some time away from all of this. Jack thinks that his friend will be able to offer you a deal, testify against the cop, about what you know about the club’s involvement in all of the dirty dealings Declan had, and you won’t be prosecuted for any of it. I’m going
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