Read Online Brenda Monk Is Funny by Katy Brand - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Katy Brand
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disappeared once more.
‘Rich Joyce, people. Give him a clap, he’s as old as your grandad, remember.’
Rich grimaced as he reappeared.
‘Tough lot, Rich?’
‘Bit slow, yeah.’
A huge laugh from beyond. Rich flinched.
‘Think I’m gonna call it a night.’
He grabbed a shabby old leather bag and his old bomber jacket and left the room. Everybody relaxed.
‘I don’t know why he still does it,’ said Matt.
‘What else would he do?’ said Fenella, and there was a small pause as they all acknowledged the brutal truth of it.
‘Without further fucking about, here’s Matt Linton to entertain and inform.’
A disappointed round of applause for the unknown comedian, but the young one ran on with all the confidence of youth. Diarmuid tag teamed him and then left him to his fate.
Brenda took a bottle of white wine off the table and looked around for a glass.
‘Just drink it out of the bottle, no-one else will want it,’ Fenella said and Brenda unscrewed the cap. Jonathan had settled himself in one corner on a chair that had been stacked. Lloyd, Joan and the other woman pulled their own chairs off the pile and sat down around him.
‘Why does he always need an entourage?’ Brenda heard Fenella mutter to Diarmuid as she walked over to join Jonathan.
‘Bren, this is Ruby. She works in Joan’s London office.’
Ruby stuck on a smile and stuck out her hand.
‘This is Brenda, my girl.’
Brenda swallowed – Jonathan always called her ‘his girl’ as opposed to his ‘girlfriend’ when he wasn’t feeling especially committed.
‘Did you enjoy Fenella?’ Lloyd asked politely.
‘Yes, she was great. Really great.’
This was greeted with a brief silence, broken only by a peel of laughter from Fenella on the other side of the room as Diarmuid showed her something on his phone. The tension in the room was getting pretty tasty.
‘Jonathan, you’re on next, OK? Then Fenella, then I’ll wrap it up,’ Diarmuid called over.
‘I thought I was closing.’
‘Yeah, you were, and then Fenella turned up and I thought she could do ten as a surprise guest.’
Fenella scented a weak spot.
‘I don’t mind going on before you, Jonny, if you’d rather close. Just don’t blame me if they’re so weak with laughter by the end of my set that there’s none left for you.’
An extremely deft move by Fenella. There was now no option Jonathan could take without looking weak.
‘Let’s leave it as it is,’ he said with great nonchalance, ‘I’m not bothered either way.’
‘OK, Fenella closes then.’
Brenda was now sitting next to him, and he placed his hand on her knee. Ruby shifted in her seat.
‘I think I’ll head out and watch from the front,’ Joan said, indicating that Ruby should go with her. Jonathan watched them leave, paying particular attention to Ruby’s leather-clad departing behind, as it seemed to Brenda.
The door closed. Lloyd leaned in.
‘She’s just shit hot at the moment. She was named as one of LA’s top deal closers in the
Hollywood Reporter
in April. It’s going to be an interesting autumn out there for us.’ Brenda pricked up her ears. So Jonathan was planning on being away for the whole autumn? He had mentioned a couple of weeks gigging in New York, but clearly the plans had got bigger. She didn’t have the stomach to tackle it now, though, and she knew better than to be needy just before Jonathan went on stage. She also knew better than to be needy when he came off stage too. And when he was resting on a day off. In fact, there was never a good time to be needy with Jonathan, so she tried to never to need anything. Which worked to a point, except that there would be an inevitable explosion every few weeks over something apparently bafflingly small, that in fact constituted far less than one eighth of what was lurking below the surface. She just squashed the prospect of no Jonathan for three months and used two whole Arthur’s Seat batteries in the process. She
‘Rich Joyce, people. Give him a clap, he’s as old as your grandad, remember.’
Rich grimaced as he reappeared.
‘Tough lot, Rich?’
‘Bit slow, yeah.’
A huge laugh from beyond. Rich flinched.
‘Think I’m gonna call it a night.’
He grabbed a shabby old leather bag and his old bomber jacket and left the room. Everybody relaxed.
‘I don’t know why he still does it,’ said Matt.
‘What else would he do?’ said Fenella, and there was a small pause as they all acknowledged the brutal truth of it.
‘Without further fucking about, here’s Matt Linton to entertain and inform.’
A disappointed round of applause for the unknown comedian, but the young one ran on with all the confidence of youth. Diarmuid tag teamed him and then left him to his fate.
Brenda took a bottle of white wine off the table and looked around for a glass.
‘Just drink it out of the bottle, no-one else will want it,’ Fenella said and Brenda unscrewed the cap. Jonathan had settled himself in one corner on a chair that had been stacked. Lloyd, Joan and the other woman pulled their own chairs off the pile and sat down around him.
‘Why does he always need an entourage?’ Brenda heard Fenella mutter to Diarmuid as she walked over to join Jonathan.
‘Bren, this is Ruby. She works in Joan’s London office.’
Ruby stuck on a smile and stuck out her hand.
‘This is Brenda, my girl.’
Brenda swallowed – Jonathan always called her ‘his girl’ as opposed to his ‘girlfriend’ when he wasn’t feeling especially committed.
‘Did you enjoy Fenella?’ Lloyd asked politely.
‘Yes, she was great. Really great.’
This was greeted with a brief silence, broken only by a peel of laughter from Fenella on the other side of the room as Diarmuid showed her something on his phone. The tension in the room was getting pretty tasty.
‘Jonathan, you’re on next, OK? Then Fenella, then I’ll wrap it up,’ Diarmuid called over.
‘I thought I was closing.’
‘Yeah, you were, and then Fenella turned up and I thought she could do ten as a surprise guest.’
Fenella scented a weak spot.
‘I don’t mind going on before you, Jonny, if you’d rather close. Just don’t blame me if they’re so weak with laughter by the end of my set that there’s none left for you.’
An extremely deft move by Fenella. There was now no option Jonathan could take without looking weak.
‘Let’s leave it as it is,’ he said with great nonchalance, ‘I’m not bothered either way.’
‘OK, Fenella closes then.’
Brenda was now sitting next to him, and he placed his hand on her knee. Ruby shifted in her seat.
‘I think I’ll head out and watch from the front,’ Joan said, indicating that Ruby should go with her. Jonathan watched them leave, paying particular attention to Ruby’s leather-clad departing behind, as it seemed to Brenda.
The door closed. Lloyd leaned in.
‘She’s just shit hot at the moment. She was named as one of LA’s top deal closers in the
Hollywood Reporter
in April. It’s going to be an interesting autumn out there for us.’ Brenda pricked up her ears. So Jonathan was planning on being away for the whole autumn? He had mentioned a couple of weeks gigging in New York, but clearly the plans had got bigger. She didn’t have the stomach to tackle it now, though, and she knew better than to be needy just before Jonathan went on stage. She also knew better than to be needy when he came off stage too. And when he was resting on a day off. In fact, there was never a good time to be needy with Jonathan, so she tried to never to need anything. Which worked to a point, except that there would be an inevitable explosion every few weeks over something apparently bafflingly small, that in fact constituted far less than one eighth of what was lurking below the surface. She just squashed the prospect of no Jonathan for three months and used two whole Arthur’s Seat batteries in the process. She
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