Read Online Boys Don't Cry by Malorie Blackman - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Malorie Blackman
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that a lot of boys do.’
‘Hmmm . . . a phase? So when d’you plan to grow out of yours?’
‘Huh?’
‘This heterosexual phase you’re currently going through?’
‘Damn it, Adam.’
‘I’m only asking,’ said Adam. ‘Tell you what – when you grow out of yours, I’ll grow out of mine.’
I glared at him. ‘My situation is entirely different – and you know it.’
‘Why? Because there are more of you? There are more brunettes than people with red hair. Does that make redheads abnormal just because they’re not in the majority?’
‘You’re deliberately misunderstanding what I’m trying to say.’
‘No, I understand you perfectly,’ said Adam. ‘I’m just curious about this age of enlightenment you keep going on about. This mysterious age when I turn into you.’
‘I just don’t want to see you get hurt.’
My brother regarded me, a faint smile on his face. ‘I know, Dante. But this is my life, not yours. What’re you so scared of ? What I am isn’t contagious.’
‘Don’t be stupid. I just . . .’ I began, then shook my head. ‘Never mind.’
‘Go on. Say it.’
‘I’m concerned about you – OK?’ I admitted. ‘You need to be more . . .’
‘In the closet?’
‘No. Of course not. Well, not exactly. You just need to pick your moments.’
Adam frowned. ‘The moments to talk about stuff that’s important to me? Or the moments when you’d rather I didn’t?’
He was deliberately twisting my words. ‘I’m not the bad guy here, Adam.’
‘Neither am I,’ my brother informed me.
Silence.
‘I know that,’ I said at last.
‘I’m glad to hear it.’
‘Damn, but you’re hard work,’ I sighed.
‘No swearing in front of your daughter, please. Sewer-mouth!’
I laughed, then stopped abruptly. Hang on a sec . . . Since when was ‘damn’ swearing? But then, I didn’t want Emma to turn into the kind of toddler who went round effing and jeffing.
A toddler . . . Damn it, what was I thinking? This baby would be long gone out of my life before it had the chance to toddle anywhere.
‘Did you love Melanie?’ asked Adam unexpectedly.
There was no pause before I shook my head.
‘That’s a shame,’ said Adam.
‘Why?’
‘Well, someone as special as your daughter should’ve been . . . made with love.’
‘She shouldn’t have been made at all.’
‘Coulda, woulda, shoulda,’ Adam pointed out. ‘She’s here now and she’s not going anywhere.’
‘The jury is still out on that one,’ I said.
‘D’you think that Melanie will come back for her then?’
‘If there’s a God,’ I replied.
My brother opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again without saying a word. We both sat in silence for a while. I don’t know what was on Adam’s mind but his words kept buzzing in my head. I regarded the baby as it lay asleep in his arms – so small, so helpless.
My daughter, Emma . . .
Should’ve been made with love
. . .
Yeah, it . . .
she
should’ve been.
There it was again – that pain like I’d been punched in the throat. I closed my eyes, waiting impatiently until I could open them again without embarrassing myself. And what was the first thing I saw? Adam kissing Emma on the forehead. Again. How I envied my brother. His default state of mind was to trust everyone and accept everything until he had a reason to do otherwise. That’s what made me so anxious about him. He was so naive. Next to him, I felt like the most cynical bastard in the universe.
14
Adam
Poor Dante. I can’t help feeling sorry for him. I know it must be one hell of a shock to suddenly find out you’re a dad and a single parent all on the same day, but he looks like he’s teetering on the edge of a cliff and believes that no matter what he does, he’s going to fall. He can’t see how beautiful his daughter is – which is really surprising considering who her father is.
And his face when I said I was unlikely ever to be a dad! I don’t hide what I am, but
‘Hmmm . . . a phase? So when d’you plan to grow out of yours?’
‘Huh?’
‘This heterosexual phase you’re currently going through?’
‘Damn it, Adam.’
‘I’m only asking,’ said Adam. ‘Tell you what – when you grow out of yours, I’ll grow out of mine.’
I glared at him. ‘My situation is entirely different – and you know it.’
‘Why? Because there are more of you? There are more brunettes than people with red hair. Does that make redheads abnormal just because they’re not in the majority?’
‘You’re deliberately misunderstanding what I’m trying to say.’
‘No, I understand you perfectly,’ said Adam. ‘I’m just curious about this age of enlightenment you keep going on about. This mysterious age when I turn into you.’
‘I just don’t want to see you get hurt.’
My brother regarded me, a faint smile on his face. ‘I know, Dante. But this is my life, not yours. What’re you so scared of ? What I am isn’t contagious.’
‘Don’t be stupid. I just . . .’ I began, then shook my head. ‘Never mind.’
‘Go on. Say it.’
‘I’m concerned about you – OK?’ I admitted. ‘You need to be more . . .’
‘In the closet?’
‘No. Of course not. Well, not exactly. You just need to pick your moments.’
Adam frowned. ‘The moments to talk about stuff that’s important to me? Or the moments when you’d rather I didn’t?’
He was deliberately twisting my words. ‘I’m not the bad guy here, Adam.’
‘Neither am I,’ my brother informed me.
Silence.
‘I know that,’ I said at last.
‘I’m glad to hear it.’
‘Damn, but you’re hard work,’ I sighed.
‘No swearing in front of your daughter, please. Sewer-mouth!’
I laughed, then stopped abruptly. Hang on a sec . . . Since when was ‘damn’ swearing? But then, I didn’t want Emma to turn into the kind of toddler who went round effing and jeffing.
A toddler . . . Damn it, what was I thinking? This baby would be long gone out of my life before it had the chance to toddle anywhere.
‘Did you love Melanie?’ asked Adam unexpectedly.
There was no pause before I shook my head.
‘That’s a shame,’ said Adam.
‘Why?’
‘Well, someone as special as your daughter should’ve been . . . made with love.’
‘She shouldn’t have been made at all.’
‘Coulda, woulda, shoulda,’ Adam pointed out. ‘She’s here now and she’s not going anywhere.’
‘The jury is still out on that one,’ I said.
‘D’you think that Melanie will come back for her then?’
‘If there’s a God,’ I replied.
My brother opened his mouth to speak, only to close it again without saying a word. We both sat in silence for a while. I don’t know what was on Adam’s mind but his words kept buzzing in my head. I regarded the baby as it lay asleep in his arms – so small, so helpless.
My daughter, Emma . . .
Should’ve been made with love
. . .
Yeah, it . . .
she
should’ve been.
There it was again – that pain like I’d been punched in the throat. I closed my eyes, waiting impatiently until I could open them again without embarrassing myself. And what was the first thing I saw? Adam kissing Emma on the forehead. Again. How I envied my brother. His default state of mind was to trust everyone and accept everything until he had a reason to do otherwise. That’s what made me so anxious about him. He was so naive. Next to him, I felt like the most cynical bastard in the universe.
14
Adam
Poor Dante. I can’t help feeling sorry for him. I know it must be one hell of a shock to suddenly find out you’re a dad and a single parent all on the same day, but he looks like he’s teetering on the edge of a cliff and believes that no matter what he does, he’s going to fall. He can’t see how beautiful his daughter is – which is really surprising considering who her father is.
And his face when I said I was unlikely ever to be a dad! I don’t hide what I am, but
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