Read Online Bloodsucking fiends by Christopher Moore - Free Book Online Page A

laughing. Laughing loudly enough to be heard without Jody's acute hearing. They both turned and looked back. A thin man dressed in black was standing under a street lamp a block away.
    "What's so funny?" Tommy asked.
    Jody didn't answer. She was staring at something that wasn't there. There was no heat signature coming off the man in black.
    "Let's go," Jody said, hurrying Tommy up the street. As they passed the doorway across the street, Jody looked over and flipped a middle finger to the three toughs that had been waiting to ambush them. You guys are nothing, she thought. Laughter from the man in black still rang in her ears.
    It had been a long time since the vampire had heard the sound of his own laughter, and hearing it made him laugh all the louder. So the fledgling had found herself a minion. It had been a good idea to leave her hand partially exposed to the daylight. She had learned that lesson quickly. So many of them just wandered until daylight and burned to death, and he couldn't even enjoy the show unless he wanted to join them in perdition. This one was interesting: so reluctant to give herself to the blood.
    They only seemed to have two instincts, the hunger and the hiding. And this one had controlled the hunger on her first feeding. She was almost too good. So many of them, if they lasted the first night, went mad trying to live with their new senses. One night and he had to send them to hell with a snap of the neck and a fare-thee-well. But not this one. She had made him laugh; afraid of a few mortals whom she could crush like insects.
    Perhaps she was protecting her new servant. Perhaps he should kill the boy, just to watch her reaction. Perhaps, but not yet. Some other fly in her ointment then. Just to keep the game going.
    It felt so good to laugh after so long.

Chapter 10 – Walking, Talking, and
    Bumping in the Night
    Coit Tower jutted out of Telegraph Hill like a giant phallus. Impressive as it was, all lit up and overlooking the City, it made Tommy feel nervous, inferior, and pressured to perform. She had as much as admitted that she was going to take him to bed – had even offered to solve the problem of the Wongs. She was a dream come true. It scared the hell out of him.
    She took his hand and looked out over the City. "It's pretty, isn't it. We're lucky it's a clear night."
    "Your hand is freezing," he said. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. God, I'm smooth, he thought, a complete stud. I'm making a move on an older woman – an older woman with money. Now what? My arm is lying on her shoulder like a dead fish. I'm a geek. If I could just turn my mind off until it's all over. Just get shit-faced and do it. No, not that. Not again.
    Jody stiffened. She thought: I'm not cold. I haven't been cold since I changed, nor warm, for that matter. Kurt used to say I was always cold. How strange. I can see the heat around Tommy but there's none around me.
    "Feel my forehead," she said to Tommy.
    Tommy said, "Jody, we don't have to do this if you're not ready. I mean, maybe, like you said, we should just be roommates. I don't want to pressure you."
    "No, feel my forehead and see if I have a fever."
    "Oh." He put his hand on her forehead. "You're as cold as ice. Do you feel okay?"
    Oh my God! How could I have been so stupid? She tore away from him and began pacing. The guy outside her apartment, the laughing man on Kearny Street, he had been cold. And so was she. How many vampires were out there that she hadn't seen?
    "What's the matter?" Tommy asked. "Did I say something wrong?"
    I've got to tell him, she thought. He's not going to trust me if I keep it from him.
    She took his hand again. "Tommy, I think you ought to know. I'm not exactly what I seem to be."
    He stepped back. "You're a guy, aren't you? I knew it. My dad warned me that this could happen here."
    Maybe not, she thought.
    "No, I'm not a guy."
    "Are you sure?"
    "Are you?"
    "There's no need to get nasty."
    "Well, how would you feel if