Read Online Blinding Rain, Season 2, Episode 7 (Rising Storm) by Elisabeth Naughton - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Elisabeth Naughton
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trying to do the right thing after you...after you left.”
She placed a hand on her belly. “I didn’t lie to protect myself. I lied because...” Even now the words felt pathetic, but she forced them out. “Because your mom overheard I was pregnant and she just assumed you and I, that we...”
A lump formed in her throat, and she swallowed hard. “And the thing is, I wanted that. I was in love with you for a very long time, Jacob Salt. The night you and I spent together, it was like...perfect. If it had been up to me, there would have been a lot of other perfect nights between us. I only started seeing the senator because I was depressed that you and I, that we weren’t...that you weren’t interested in me like that. The first time with him, I was feeling self-destructive because I couldn’t have you. It’s not an excuse but it’s the truth. After that...” She shrugged. “After that, it was nice to feel wanted, you know?”
She swiped at the stupid tears again. “But I knew it was wrong. And I’d already broken it off with him the night you found me upset. I wanted to tell you about it but I felt wretched. And I was still so in love with you. I was afraid you’d be disgusted by what I’d done. And then you kissed me, and it was like none of it mattered. Everything was right for one perfect night.”
She drew in a shuddering breath. “The whole way home from college, the night I was driving, just before the accident, all I wanted to do was tell you I loved you and beg you to give me a chance. And then that deer stepped into the road and everything changed in an instant.”
The tears flowed faster down her cheeks, and she swiped at them again, forcing herself to go on, needing to purge the words once and for all. “I shouldn’t have lied to everyone in the hospital. I know that. But I was devastated after they told me you were gone. I wanted to die too. And then when I found out I was pregnant, it was like...like a tiny miracle in the middle of Hell. I didn’t even think. I just said the words.”
She rubbed her belly again and choked back a sob. “This baby is yours, Jacob. It has to be yours. I have to believe it’s yours because the alternative is just...it’s too awful to comprehend. I love you. You were my best friend. You are still my best friend, and I would give anything to have you back right now, even yelling at me and telling me what an idiot I am.”
Emotions overwhelmed her, and she dropped her face into her hands and cried. She cried over her lost youth, over her mistakes, over losing her closest friend. But mostly she cried because she knew she had to stop hiding behind excuses. She had to stand up for herself so she could stand up for her child—whoever its father might be. And she had to let go of Jacob, once and for all, so she could have a shot at happiness and some kind of future, even if that future wasn’t at all what she’d planned.
Sniffling, she swiped at her nose and eyes and stared at Jacob’s headstone again. “You must think I’m totally pathetic.” She drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out, until she knew the sobfest was over. “I think I’m pathetic. Though...did you see me talk to your mom yesterday in the flower shop? I don’t know what got into me.”
She sighed again, feeling steadier, knowing Jacob would have gotten a kick out of that scene with his mother. A wry smile tugged at her lips. He would have told her “Good job. Way to finally stand up for yourself.” And he would have meant it.
“I’ll make things up to your mom,” she said softly. “I don’t know how, but I will. And I’m trying to make things right with Marisol. But the one person who won’t give me a chance is Logan.”
She felt a little strange talking to Jacob about Logan, especially now when she was pregnant, but she pushed the feeling aside and reminded herself she’d talked to Jacob about a lot of guys, and that Jacob had always been right there for her when
She placed a hand on her belly. “I didn’t lie to protect myself. I lied because...” Even now the words felt pathetic, but she forced them out. “Because your mom overheard I was pregnant and she just assumed you and I, that we...”
A lump formed in her throat, and she swallowed hard. “And the thing is, I wanted that. I was in love with you for a very long time, Jacob Salt. The night you and I spent together, it was like...perfect. If it had been up to me, there would have been a lot of other perfect nights between us. I only started seeing the senator because I was depressed that you and I, that we weren’t...that you weren’t interested in me like that. The first time with him, I was feeling self-destructive because I couldn’t have you. It’s not an excuse but it’s the truth. After that...” She shrugged. “After that, it was nice to feel wanted, you know?”
She swiped at the stupid tears again. “But I knew it was wrong. And I’d already broken it off with him the night you found me upset. I wanted to tell you about it but I felt wretched. And I was still so in love with you. I was afraid you’d be disgusted by what I’d done. And then you kissed me, and it was like none of it mattered. Everything was right for one perfect night.”
She drew in a shuddering breath. “The whole way home from college, the night I was driving, just before the accident, all I wanted to do was tell you I loved you and beg you to give me a chance. And then that deer stepped into the road and everything changed in an instant.”
The tears flowed faster down her cheeks, and she swiped at them again, forcing herself to go on, needing to purge the words once and for all. “I shouldn’t have lied to everyone in the hospital. I know that. But I was devastated after they told me you were gone. I wanted to die too. And then when I found out I was pregnant, it was like...like a tiny miracle in the middle of Hell. I didn’t even think. I just said the words.”
She rubbed her belly again and choked back a sob. “This baby is yours, Jacob. It has to be yours. I have to believe it’s yours because the alternative is just...it’s too awful to comprehend. I love you. You were my best friend. You are still my best friend, and I would give anything to have you back right now, even yelling at me and telling me what an idiot I am.”
Emotions overwhelmed her, and she dropped her face into her hands and cried. She cried over her lost youth, over her mistakes, over losing her closest friend. But mostly she cried because she knew she had to stop hiding behind excuses. She had to stand up for herself so she could stand up for her child—whoever its father might be. And she had to let go of Jacob, once and for all, so she could have a shot at happiness and some kind of future, even if that future wasn’t at all what she’d planned.
Sniffling, she swiped at her nose and eyes and stared at Jacob’s headstone again. “You must think I’m totally pathetic.” She drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out, until she knew the sobfest was over. “I think I’m pathetic. Though...did you see me talk to your mom yesterday in the flower shop? I don’t know what got into me.”
She sighed again, feeling steadier, knowing Jacob would have gotten a kick out of that scene with his mother. A wry smile tugged at her lips. He would have told her “Good job. Way to finally stand up for yourself.” And he would have meant it.
“I’ll make things up to your mom,” she said softly. “I don’t know how, but I will. And I’m trying to make things right with Marisol. But the one person who won’t give me a chance is Logan.”
She felt a little strange talking to Jacob about Logan, especially now when she was pregnant, but she pushed the feeling aside and reminded herself she’d talked to Jacob about a lot of guys, and that Jacob had always been right there for her when
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