it’s explaining equations for measuring population density of species. See, this is a formula for finding the merged estimate, that’s the mean of the individual estates. And its variance is the mean of . . .” She stopped, grinned at her mother’s face. “Do you really want to know?”
“Do you remember me helping you with math after you got through long division.”
“No.”
“That would be your answer. Anyway, you didn’t dance much tonight.”
“We liked listening to the music, and it was so nice out.”
And whenever you came back in, Jenna thought, you had that dazed and smug look of a girl who’d done some serious kissing.
Please, God, let that be all.
“You and Cooper aren’t just friends anymore.”
Lil sat up a little straighter. “Not just. Mom—”
“You know we love him. He’s a good young man, and I know you care about each other. I also know that you’re not children anymore, and when you feel more than friendship, things happen. Sex happens,” Jenna corrected, ordering herself to stop being a coward.
“It hasn’t. Yet.”
“Good. That’s good, because if it does, I want both of you to be prepared, to be safe.” She reached in her pocket and took out a box of condoms. “To be protected.”
“Oh.” Lil just stared at them, as dumbfounded as her mother had been by the equations. “Oh. Um.”
“Some girls consider this the boy’s responsibility. My girl is smart and self-aware, and will always look after herself, rely on herself. I wish you’d wait, I can’t help wishing you’d wait. But if you don’t, I want you to promise me you’ll use protection.”
“I will. I promise. I want to be with him, Mom. When I am—I mean just with him, I feel all this . . . this,” she said lamely. “In my heart, and in my stomach, in my head. Everything’s fluttering around so I can barely breathe. And when he kisses me, it’s like, Oh, that’s what’s it supposed to be. I want to be with him,” she repeated. “He pulls back because he’s not sure I’m really ready. But I am.”
“You’ve just made me feel a lot better about him. A lot better knowing he’s not pressuring you.”
“I think it might be, sort of, the other way around.”
Jenna managed a weak laugh. “Lil, we’ve talked before, about sex, safety, responsibility, those feelings. And you’ve grown up on a farm. But if there’s anything you’re not sure of, or want to talk about, you know you can talk to me.”
“Okay. Mom, does Dad know you’re giving me condoms?”
“Yes. We talked about it. You know you can talk to him, too, but—”
“Oh, yeah, big but. It’d feel really weird.”
“On both sides.” Jenna patted Lil’s thigh as she rose. “Don’t stay up too late.”
“I won’t. Mom? Thanks for loving me.”
“Never a problem.”
RELY ON YOURSELF, Lil thought. Her mother was right, as usual, she decided as she packed provisions. A woman had to have a plan, that was the key. What to do, when and how to do it. She’d made the arrangements. Maybe Coop didn’t know all of them, but the element of surprise was also key.
She put the packs in the truck, grateful that her parents had gone to town, so there didn’t have to be any awkward be carefuls, even if they were unspoken.
She wondered if Coop’s grandparents knew what was going on. Really going on. She’d opted not to ask her mother that one. Talk about awkward.
Didn’t matter, don’t care, she thought as she drove with the wind shooting through the open windows. She had three days free. Probably her last in a row for the summer. In another few weeks she’d be on her way north, on her way to college. And another phase of her life would begin.
She wasn’t leaving until she’d finished this phase.
She’d thought she’d be nervous, but she wasn’t. Excited, happy, but not nervous. She knew what she was doing—in theory—and was ready to put it into practice.
She turned the radio up and sang along as she drove
“Do you remember me helping you with math after you got through long division.”
“No.”
“That would be your answer. Anyway, you didn’t dance much tonight.”
“We liked listening to the music, and it was so nice out.”
And whenever you came back in, Jenna thought, you had that dazed and smug look of a girl who’d done some serious kissing.
Please, God, let that be all.
“You and Cooper aren’t just friends anymore.”
Lil sat up a little straighter. “Not just. Mom—”
“You know we love him. He’s a good young man, and I know you care about each other. I also know that you’re not children anymore, and when you feel more than friendship, things happen. Sex happens,” Jenna corrected, ordering herself to stop being a coward.
“It hasn’t. Yet.”
“Good. That’s good, because if it does, I want both of you to be prepared, to be safe.” She reached in her pocket and took out a box of condoms. “To be protected.”
“Oh.” Lil just stared at them, as dumbfounded as her mother had been by the equations. “Oh. Um.”
“Some girls consider this the boy’s responsibility. My girl is smart and self-aware, and will always look after herself, rely on herself. I wish you’d wait, I can’t help wishing you’d wait. But if you don’t, I want you to promise me you’ll use protection.”
“I will. I promise. I want to be with him, Mom. When I am—I mean just with him, I feel all this . . . this,” she said lamely. “In my heart, and in my stomach, in my head. Everything’s fluttering around so I can barely breathe. And when he kisses me, it’s like, Oh, that’s what’s it supposed to be. I want to be with him,” she repeated. “He pulls back because he’s not sure I’m really ready. But I am.”
“You’ve just made me feel a lot better about him. A lot better knowing he’s not pressuring you.”
“I think it might be, sort of, the other way around.”
Jenna managed a weak laugh. “Lil, we’ve talked before, about sex, safety, responsibility, those feelings. And you’ve grown up on a farm. But if there’s anything you’re not sure of, or want to talk about, you know you can talk to me.”
“Okay. Mom, does Dad know you’re giving me condoms?”
“Yes. We talked about it. You know you can talk to him, too, but—”
“Oh, yeah, big but. It’d feel really weird.”
“On both sides.” Jenna patted Lil’s thigh as she rose. “Don’t stay up too late.”
“I won’t. Mom? Thanks for loving me.”
“Never a problem.”
RELY ON YOURSELF, Lil thought. Her mother was right, as usual, she decided as she packed provisions. A woman had to have a plan, that was the key. What to do, when and how to do it. She’d made the arrangements. Maybe Coop didn’t know all of them, but the element of surprise was also key.
She put the packs in the truck, grateful that her parents had gone to town, so there didn’t have to be any awkward be carefuls, even if they were unspoken.
She wondered if Coop’s grandparents knew what was going on. Really going on. She’d opted not to ask her mother that one. Talk about awkward.
Didn’t matter, don’t care, she thought as she drove with the wind shooting through the open windows. She had three days free. Probably her last in a row for the summer. In another few weeks she’d be on her way north, on her way to college. And another phase of her life would begin.
She wasn’t leaving until she’d finished this phase.
She’d thought she’d be nervous, but she wasn’t. Excited, happy, but not nervous. She knew what she was doing—in theory—and was ready to put it into practice.
She turned the radio up and sang along as she drove
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