caused me to wonder if there was something in his past that could have, or did, change the way I felt about him. But he changed the subject before I could push it any further. *** I was having that dream again. It was odd because I knew it was a dream. But it also felt like a memory—even though I don’t remember it actually happening. That woman was there. We were in the bridal shop and I was wearing that hideous dress. This time we were laughing, as though it was some great joke. She said something, but I didn’t quite hear what it was she said. And then the dream shifted. We were in a cavernous room that was so large our voices were echoing off the walls. “I can’t believe you would betray me that way! Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that? I thought we were friends. You were supposed to be a part of my wedding for God’s sake!” “It wasn’t my place to tell you. Xander should have done it.” “But we worked together all this time—” “I thought he’d already told you. I thought you were okay with it.” “Well, you thought too much.” “It was a lifetime ago, Harley. It’s been over so long that it doesn’t even feel like it was part of this life.” “But it was. And neither of you felt the need to tell me.” I had no idea what we were arguing over; yet, the emotions roaring through my body were very real. There were tears streaming down my face, and my fists were clutched at my side—tight enough that I could feel the ache in my fingers. And the rage in my chest…it wasn’t just anger. It was rage. I don’t think I’d ever felt emotion quite like that ever before. It was so intense that it pulled me out of the dream, out of sleep all together. I sat up, my breath coming in small, awkward puffs. “Xander.” His name was on my lips before I even realized he was on my mind. But the moment I spoke it, my body began to ache for him in a way I couldn’t remember ever feeling. My body remembered him. My heart remembered him. And that scared me. How could somebody love someone so much that even when the individual couldn’t remember that person, the body—the soul—could?
Chapter 11
Harley “This is from a weekend we spent in Malibu,” Xander said, as he scrolled to a new picture on his phone. “We stayed at a friend’s house and spent most of the weekend walking on the beach.” I stared at my own face smiling at me, Xander’s cheek pressed against mine with an even wider grin. It was one of those selfies that sickeningly adorable couples took to rub in the faces of all their single friends on Facebook or Twitter. I couldn’t get over how happy I looked—even with the first hints of a sunburn on my shoulders. “That was after I moved to Los Angeles?” “Yes. About two or three months after. I remember it was still a little cold outside, so we had to wear sweaters when we walked in the evenings.” I nodded, still staring at the picture. I’d been here—I still couldn’t quite bring myself to call it home—for almost a week. Xander tried to give me space, but we kept having these conversations where he would talk about people I didn’t know, places I didn’t remember going, and things I couldn’t even imagine doing, let alone remember doing. So he thought showing me a few pictures of our life together might help. But I didn’t recognize that girl in those pictures. “This was a dinner party we attended at my mother’s boss’s house.” I studied the picture, admiring the black shoes the girl who looked like me was wearing. “It that your mother?” “Yeah. That’s her.” I studied the woman with the dark hair and blue eyes that were so much like Xander’s. There was no doubt that they were related. She was a little shorter—more petite than I would have imagined such a large man’s mother would be—but I could see him in the lines of her face and the shape of her nose. She was a beautiful