Beyond Moonlight

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Authors: Piper Vaughn, M.J. O'Shea
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really  really  alone, with Shane for the first time after everything that had happened between them was a hell of a lot scarier. Shane opened his door, then turned to look at Jesse.
    “Hey,” he murmured. “You okay?”
    “Just nervous, I guess.”
    Shane chuckled. “It’s just me, Jess. Remember all those afternoons we hung out in your room and played music and kissed and stuff. We can be like that again, right?”
    “You don’t think you made me nervous back then?” Jesse’s stomach was weak, but it felt good. Fluttery and wonderful and exactly like he remembered. He hadn’t let himself feel it all those long months on the road. Every time the giddy happiness tried to come up he’d forced it down as hard as he could. It was nice to finally let go.
    Shane cupped his face with trembling hands and kissed him slowly.  God,  it was amazing.
    “You make me nervous too. And happy, and scared and like I can barely keep from laughing half the time over nothing. I think that’s what it’s supposed to feel like when you’re in love.”
    Jesse ground his face into Shane’s neck and hugged him as tightly as he could. They walked awkwardly into Shane’s condo, kissing and holding each other, dropping instruments and duffel bags, pants, shoes, shirts…by the time they got to Shane’s enormous bedroom and the pale-green tiled bathroom beyond, it was just them, sweaty skin, swollen lips, hair crunchy from stage products, eyeliner smeared from half-shed tears.
    Jesse reached into the shower and turned it on, shocked when an icy blast hit his arm. Shane chuckled and turned the knob until the water was warm and the room filled with steam.
    “C’mon, Jess. I always wanted to do this with you when we were kids.”

    It was something that Jesse, in his past incarnation, would’ve never dared to dream of. He and Shane, wet, huddled as close as they could get under the showerhead and still squeezing tighter together. Warm water rinsed them clean of sweat and grimy makeup. Jesse reached for Shane’s shampoo and poured some into his palm. He massaged it into Shane’s hair and reveled in the moans and whimpers he got in return.
    “Love your hands on me,” Shane murmured. “I always have.”
    “Me too.”
    Shane smiled and filled his palm with shampoo to return the favor. “You used to be so shy when I wanted to touch you. Like you couldn’t believe I really did.” Shane’s long fingered hands slid through his hair, lathering gently. Jesse shivered. It felt so perfect. They were finally touching the way it was meant to be. No anger, no resentment, just wonder.
    “I guess I  couldn’t  believe that you really wanted me. I was dorky and chubby and so damn insecure. That’s what made it so easy to believe that you were done with me. I didn’t even question that you really meant it.”
    “Oh, God, Jess. I  wasn’t  done with you. I loved you so much. That day was torture. I fucking cried that night. For hours. I almost called you so many times.” Shane’s voice cracked.
    “Shane, it’s over. We’re here now.” Jesse wiped the shampoo from Shane’s forehead and guided him under the water to rinse his hair clean.
    “How can you be so wonderful to me?  Fuck . I took eleven years of our life together away. We could’ve been like an old married couple by now. You and me always. Like it was supposed to be.”
    Jesse’s chest ached at the thought of the time they could’ve had. But it was gone, and all that was left was the future. “It can be like that now. I still don’t want anybody else. I never did.”
    “Me neither. None of them. I just want you.”
    Jesse smiled. “So let’s start tonight. We can’t pretend those years didn’t happen, but they’re gone and we’re back, right?”
    “Yeah.” Shane gulped and wrapped his arms tightly around Jesse. “I’m trying to be cool…but I just have these moments where I start fucking panicking.”
    “About what?” He squeezed Shane

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