Read Online Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out by Susan Kuklin - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Susan Kuklin
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girl who made a video saying that no man is ever going to take a trans girl serious. That’s what I feel. He’s going to want to have sex with a trans girl, to see what it’s like, but at the end of the day, he’s going to put the ring on the genetic female.
Whenever my transgender friends get a boyfriend, I say, “I give it one month, or two.” When a man finds out you’re trans, his respect for you goes down. If a man meets me as a woman, he’s very nice, gentle, opens the door for me, and doesn’t talk about sex. As soon as he finds out I’m trans, he starts talking about sex. It’s frustrating because he’s not treating me like a woman anymore. It makes me less a woman.
I’m learning how to deal with men. I talk about men a lot. I do. Right? Don’t I? I keep going back to men, boys . . . terrible.
When I started dating straight men, it was very scary to admit that I was transgender. They could get very violent and freak out. Or they could say they didn’t care. But I always doubt that people are genuine when they say they don’t care. What’s their motive? Sex? I feel that no man takes a trans woman seriously at all.
Talking to guys, telling them that I’m trans, gets old so fast. They ask stupid questions, like, “How do we have sex?”
I get mad when they ask me that, but I can’t blame them for their ignorance. If they’ve never had an experience with a trans woman, then how can they know? But that shouldn’t be the first question that comes out of their mouths.
They ask me so many questions that are very personal, like, Do I still have it? Do I still have my part?
If I did get to the point where I felt comfortable talking about it, I would say, “You know, it’s just like doing it with a regular female, only I don’t have the lady part.” They can use common sense to figure out what that means.
Sometimes they ask me, “Am I gay for liking you?”
I have to get accustomed to men paying the bill. I’m used to “I pay my part; you pay your part.” But on dates they’ll say, “No, I’ll pay the bill.”
At first I felt bad about it because I felt that I didn’t deserve to have a man pay for my meal. We were both getting to know each other, so why did he have to pay for it? I also had to get accustomed to a man holding a door open for me. I had to get accustomed to a man walking on the outside of the street. That was very, very weird.
My mom never spoke to me about sex. She didn’t talk to my brothers, either. I feel that if I had been a girl, she would have spoken to me about it. I learned from my own experiences that I was getting nowhere having sex with different guys. When I did, no one took me seriously. I learned that in order for a man to take you serious, and love you for you, you can’t have sex with him right away. When I met Gabriel, he didn’t believe me when I told him I was trans. He thought I was just saying that.
He tried to have sex with me right away, but I didn’t let him, not until he said, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” I wanted to be sure he was really serious. We didn’t have sex for two months. I wanted to see if he truly liked me for me and not because of the way I look.
I can’t truly let myself go with him. I’ve been in bed with my boyfriend, but I never let him see
it.
Ever. I wear my panties the whole time when we’re intimate. And that really sucks because I can’t be fully intimate with him. I’m always worried he’s going to see it; he’s going to feel it.
Gabriel went against his own family for me. At first they didn’t know that I was trans and they loved me; they thought I was a great person. One of his cousins went to Mount Saint Michael. He went on my Facebook page and saw that I used to go to Mount. It was easy to put two and two together.
He told my business to Gabriel’s whole family. Once they found out I was transgender, they said, “Don’t let her in my house.”
Gabriel stood up to them. “I love her.
Whenever my transgender friends get a boyfriend, I say, “I give it one month, or two.” When a man finds out you’re trans, his respect for you goes down. If a man meets me as a woman, he’s very nice, gentle, opens the door for me, and doesn’t talk about sex. As soon as he finds out I’m trans, he starts talking about sex. It’s frustrating because he’s not treating me like a woman anymore. It makes me less a woman.
I’m learning how to deal with men. I talk about men a lot. I do. Right? Don’t I? I keep going back to men, boys . . . terrible.
When I started dating straight men, it was very scary to admit that I was transgender. They could get very violent and freak out. Or they could say they didn’t care. But I always doubt that people are genuine when they say they don’t care. What’s their motive? Sex? I feel that no man takes a trans woman seriously at all.
Talking to guys, telling them that I’m trans, gets old so fast. They ask stupid questions, like, “How do we have sex?”
I get mad when they ask me that, but I can’t blame them for their ignorance. If they’ve never had an experience with a trans woman, then how can they know? But that shouldn’t be the first question that comes out of their mouths.
They ask me so many questions that are very personal, like, Do I still have it? Do I still have my part?
If I did get to the point where I felt comfortable talking about it, I would say, “You know, it’s just like doing it with a regular female, only I don’t have the lady part.” They can use common sense to figure out what that means.
Sometimes they ask me, “Am I gay for liking you?”
I have to get accustomed to men paying the bill. I’m used to “I pay my part; you pay your part.” But on dates they’ll say, “No, I’ll pay the bill.”
At first I felt bad about it because I felt that I didn’t deserve to have a man pay for my meal. We were both getting to know each other, so why did he have to pay for it? I also had to get accustomed to a man holding a door open for me. I had to get accustomed to a man walking on the outside of the street. That was very, very weird.
My mom never spoke to me about sex. She didn’t talk to my brothers, either. I feel that if I had been a girl, she would have spoken to me about it. I learned from my own experiences that I was getting nowhere having sex with different guys. When I did, no one took me seriously. I learned that in order for a man to take you serious, and love you for you, you can’t have sex with him right away. When I met Gabriel, he didn’t believe me when I told him I was trans. He thought I was just saying that.
He tried to have sex with me right away, but I didn’t let him, not until he said, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” I wanted to be sure he was really serious. We didn’t have sex for two months. I wanted to see if he truly liked me for me and not because of the way I look.
I can’t truly let myself go with him. I’ve been in bed with my boyfriend, but I never let him see
it.
Ever. I wear my panties the whole time when we’re intimate. And that really sucks because I can’t be fully intimate with him. I’m always worried he’s going to see it; he’s going to feel it.
Gabriel went against his own family for me. At first they didn’t know that I was trans and they loved me; they thought I was a great person. One of his cousins went to Mount Saint Michael. He went on my Facebook page and saw that I used to go to Mount. It was easy to put two and two together.
He told my business to Gabriel’s whole family. Once they found out I was transgender, they said, “Don’t let her in my house.”
Gabriel stood up to them. “I love her.
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