Read Online Between Before and After by Amanda Dick - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Amanda Dick
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been.
“He seemed okay earlier, didn’t he?” Lacey asked hopefully.
The Beatles sang in the background, but her question remained unanswered.
Chapter Eight
Kate floated on her back, staring up at the sky. The sun was still setting and the gathering dark suited her mood. Finn was right – she should probably sell Danny’s vinyl collection. She didn’t listen to it nearly as often as she used to. Selling it just felt wrong, somehow – as if she were pushing Danny away, throwing the things he loved after him. It felt so final. She wasn’t sure she was ready for ‘final’ yet. ‘Final’ meant ‘the end’ – the end of one chapter of her life, the beginning of the next one. What would the next chapter hold? Would it be better or worse than this one?
She turned over onto her stomach, keeping herself afloat with her arms. The water temperature seemed warmer now. It was refreshing, like a cool bath. The setting sun had taken the heat of the day with it, and the difference between the air and the water temperature seemed minimal. She began swimming slowly towards the pontoon that floated in the middle of the bay.
Memories – that was all she had left now. That was one of the reasons she had stayed in the house she and Danny had shared. She still saw him there, sometimes – as if an echo of his former self had been left behind. She would glance up and swear she saw him walking past the doorway out of the corner of her eye, as if she had just missed him. It was comforting. She had tried to explain it to Lacey at New Years, but she wasn’t sure she had been able to make her understand. She didn’t know if she understood it herself most of the time. It was just a feeling, and lately she had been noticing it less and less.
If she moved out of the house, would she lose what was left of Danny? That was one of the reasons she hadn’t made a decision about the new job. Taking it would mean not only leaving the house, but also leaving Auckland. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that kind of upheaval. The list of pros and cons she had made to help her make up her mind had only confused her more.
Reaching the pontoon, she grabbed hold of the ladder. She didn’t feel like climbing up onto it anymore. Instead, she took a few minutes to catch her breath. She turned back to the house and admired it from this angle. Tucked into the hillside as it was, it seemed to be hiding from the world. The lamps in the living area had been switched on, throwing rectangles of golden light over the lawn. She could barely make out the shapes inside the house as she tried to pick out her friends.
Max was worrying her. It felt like he was slowly removing himself from her life and she missed him. She missed the long phone calls that went on well into the early hours of the morning. She missed meeting up with him for weekends at Gavin and Lacey’s. She missed him – the old Max, the one who was just as much of a prankster as Danny was, the one who always seemed to know when she needed to talk, the one who had been there for her in the months after Danny’s death. That was the Max she missed, the Max she was anxious to get back. This Max, the one here with them this weekend, seemed like a stranger. And then there was the drinking. That wasn’t normal, either.
As the sun sank even further into the horizon, she began swimming slowly back to shore. When she got closer, she saw a figure sitting on the beach, next to where she had dropped her towel.
“Just doing my lifeguard thing,” Finn called out, over the noise of the cicadas.
She couldn’t help but smile. “Okay, Hoff.”
He shook his head, sucking in air through his teeth. “Low blow,” he chuckled, standing up.
He handed her the towel as she walked up the beach out of the water. She felt self-conscious. Just like earlier, she could feel his gaze on her. It both excited and frightened her.
“Thanks,” she said shyly, taking the towel from him and wrapping it around her
“He seemed okay earlier, didn’t he?” Lacey asked hopefully.
The Beatles sang in the background, but her question remained unanswered.
Chapter Eight
Kate floated on her back, staring up at the sky. The sun was still setting and the gathering dark suited her mood. Finn was right – she should probably sell Danny’s vinyl collection. She didn’t listen to it nearly as often as she used to. Selling it just felt wrong, somehow – as if she were pushing Danny away, throwing the things he loved after him. It felt so final. She wasn’t sure she was ready for ‘final’ yet. ‘Final’ meant ‘the end’ – the end of one chapter of her life, the beginning of the next one. What would the next chapter hold? Would it be better or worse than this one?
She turned over onto her stomach, keeping herself afloat with her arms. The water temperature seemed warmer now. It was refreshing, like a cool bath. The setting sun had taken the heat of the day with it, and the difference between the air and the water temperature seemed minimal. She began swimming slowly towards the pontoon that floated in the middle of the bay.
Memories – that was all she had left now. That was one of the reasons she had stayed in the house she and Danny had shared. She still saw him there, sometimes – as if an echo of his former self had been left behind. She would glance up and swear she saw him walking past the doorway out of the corner of her eye, as if she had just missed him. It was comforting. She had tried to explain it to Lacey at New Years, but she wasn’t sure she had been able to make her understand. She didn’t know if she understood it herself most of the time. It was just a feeling, and lately she had been noticing it less and less.
If she moved out of the house, would she lose what was left of Danny? That was one of the reasons she hadn’t made a decision about the new job. Taking it would mean not only leaving the house, but also leaving Auckland. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that kind of upheaval. The list of pros and cons she had made to help her make up her mind had only confused her more.
Reaching the pontoon, she grabbed hold of the ladder. She didn’t feel like climbing up onto it anymore. Instead, she took a few minutes to catch her breath. She turned back to the house and admired it from this angle. Tucked into the hillside as it was, it seemed to be hiding from the world. The lamps in the living area had been switched on, throwing rectangles of golden light over the lawn. She could barely make out the shapes inside the house as she tried to pick out her friends.
Max was worrying her. It felt like he was slowly removing himself from her life and she missed him. She missed the long phone calls that went on well into the early hours of the morning. She missed meeting up with him for weekends at Gavin and Lacey’s. She missed him – the old Max, the one who was just as much of a prankster as Danny was, the one who always seemed to know when she needed to talk, the one who had been there for her in the months after Danny’s death. That was the Max she missed, the Max she was anxious to get back. This Max, the one here with them this weekend, seemed like a stranger. And then there was the drinking. That wasn’t normal, either.
As the sun sank even further into the horizon, she began swimming slowly back to shore. When she got closer, she saw a figure sitting on the beach, next to where she had dropped her towel.
“Just doing my lifeguard thing,” Finn called out, over the noise of the cicadas.
She couldn’t help but smile. “Okay, Hoff.”
He shook his head, sucking in air through his teeth. “Low blow,” he chuckled, standing up.
He handed her the towel as she walked up the beach out of the water. She felt self-conscious. Just like earlier, she could feel his gaze on her. It both excited and frightened her.
“Thanks,” she said shyly, taking the towel from him and wrapping it around her
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