canât.â
âA cat could play the tambourine.â He shook it lightly. âHavenât you ever dreamed of being a rock star?â
Even if Iâd wanted to play with themâwhich I didnâtâI was sure that shaking a tambourine would shake loose something inside me that was already barely staying attached. âNo. But thanks. Really.â
He looked at me like he wanted to ask me something, then dropped the arm holding the tambourine to his side. âSee you after the show,â he said.
The show was completely insane.
At first, none of the people on the lawn were even remotely listening to the band. Sinead said, âWeâre the Cloversâ into the microphone, and I was literally the only person who noticed. As Sinead counted them in for the first song, I had enough time to try to think about how Iâd have to find something nice to say when they came offstage knowing theyâd bombed, and then Sinead finished the count and Declan started playing the guitar.
The notes were crisp, almost twangy. Danny joined them on the drums and Sean started playing the bass, and by the time Sinead started singing, people were already filing toward the stage. âI found a picture of you,â she began, and her voice was beautiful but there was a slight growl to it, almost like she was mad about what she was singing. âWhat hijacked my world that night . . .â
Iâd heard âBack on the Chain Gangâ before, but it wasnât a song I stopped to listen to if I happened to be playing theradio in my car and it came on. Now, for the first time, I could feel how good it was, how the notes pushed into your blood and bones. By the time the song ended, there must have been a hundred people standing on the lawn in front of the stage, and the audience kept getting bigger. Sinead was rightâit was an older crowd. But I spotted some younger people, maybe junior high kids, and they were dancing along with their parents.
They went right into a song I didnât know. âBeen running so long Iâve nearly lost all track of time,â Sinead belted out, and by now there was no one on the lawn who wasnât listening to the band except for an elderly couple standing about as far away as they could get without actually leaving the grounds of the club.
I edged around to the back of the stage where no one could see me. Iâd been right about the music shaking something loose inside me, and as they played I let myself sob, grateful that the band was loud enough that no one could hear me cry.
6
Afterward I felt better, as if the music and the crying had purged me of something heavy and dark. By the time the show was over, I didnât feel like crying anymore; I was just tired, and when Iâd helped them bring the equipment back to the van and we were all standing clumped together in the parking lot and Sinead asked me for my number, I had to think to remember what it was.
âThat way we can hang out,â Sinead explained, gesturing with her phone. âDeclan and Danny and I donât know anybody here besides Sean. And heâs so old.â
âHey, watch it,â said Sean. Heâd been drinking steadily, and now he sat in the open door of the van, an empty can next to him, a full one in his hand.
The phone she was holding buzzed, and Sinead looked atthe screen. âOh, damn. Thatâs Mum,â she said. âSheâs here to get Danny.â
âYouâre coming swimming with us, right?â asked Declan.
Sinead made a face. âI donât know. Iâm kind of tired. And Iâve got to get up early tomorrow. I might just call it a night.â
âPussy!â said Sean.
âWanker,â snapped Sinead.
âOkay,â said Declan. âThanks to both of you for your edifying verbal interplay.â
âIâm going,â said Sinead, reading something on her screen. âMum says sheâs been
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