really speaking to me. He’s real stressed about work.” I was pink with shame.
“Hey, don’t worry about it! My first two husbands hardly ever spoke to me. It’s very common. Don’t be upset. You know what they say, the only important thing about a husband is to have one!” She giggled.
“Oh, I’m not upset ,” I said, suddenly bursting into tears. “I’m just, you know, madly in love and, you know, being in love makes you cry almost all the time, doesn’t it? I’m going to the restroom. Nice to meet you.”
I was completely freaked out. The minute I was out of earshot of the party, I called Julie from my cell. I wanted to kill some time while I tried to calm down.
“Hi, Julie-shmoolie,” I said. “I’m having a really fun time.”
“Is that why you’re crying like a Balenciaga bag that lost its buckle?” she replied. “Is something wrong?”
I told Julie that I was happier than I’d ever been in my life, that there were apple martinis everywhere you looked, and that Le Cirque’s Symphony of Desserts was just delicious. I was just calling to say I wished she could have been at the party.
“Honey, when you’re drinking martinis and your martini glass is full of tears, you gotta ask yourself, is the Universe trying to tell me something?” said Julie.
Oh god, when Julie starts talking about the Universe I worry about her. It means she’s been reading an unhealthy amount of horoscope books again. But maybe she had a point, even if she was getting her information from Moon Magic: How to Cast a Natal Horoscope .
“Zach’s acting weird, but I can’t explain now. I gotta go,” I said.
“Okay, feel better. Call me the minute you get back. Love-you-mean-it-later!”
A few minutes later Daphne found me sitting miserably on a bench outside the restroom. When she saw my tear-stained face she said, “Oh my god, what happened? Has Bradley been mean to you?”
“No, no. It’s Zach, he never gave me a ring, and Betthina started asking me where it is and…I don’t know, I feel terrible,” I sobbed.
“Get out!!! If anyone else asks you about the frigging engagement ring, tell them you got the Drowned Truck instead, which would buy six engagement rings, okay? When a man gives you something personal like that, well, that’s real love. Listen, Bradley went to Neil Lane for my ring, but so does everyone in Hollywood. Doesn’t mean a thing. Julia Roberts has like fifteen rings from there and look what happens to all her fiancés. You know how I know Bradley really loves me? When he brings me tea in bed when I’m sick with something really catching like SARS. It’s the small things that count. Now, can I see a smile? Hey, that’s better,” said Daphne as I grinned hopelessly at her. “You gotta look radiantly happy and in love if you want to feel radiantly happy and in love. Here.”
“Thanks,” I said, taking a Kleenex from her and wiping my eyes.
I guess I was totally in mood-swing central that night because as I walked back into the party I wasovercome by a spontaneous feeling of giddy happiness. Daphne was right, a Drowned Truck is much more significant love-wise than a ring. It’s just a bit of a drag you can’t wear it on your ring finger so that everyone else knows about the significant love, too. I thought of all the adorable things Zach had done when we first met, and I sort of hypnotized myself into a wonderful smiling paralysis that lasted the rest of the night. I felt my appetite disappearing again, which was a relief: I was definitely still in love.
Daphne led me back into the sitting room, which was now a blur of pastel dresses. The room was crowded with a million girls dressed exactly like Betthina. They were all frantically dissecting some movie that hadn’t even come out yet starring Keira Knight-ley, who they’d all be channeling when they were done with Kate Hudson. All the boyfriends and husbands were hanging on to their beautiful girls as though if they let go
“Hey, don’t worry about it! My first two husbands hardly ever spoke to me. It’s very common. Don’t be upset. You know what they say, the only important thing about a husband is to have one!” She giggled.
“Oh, I’m not upset ,” I said, suddenly bursting into tears. “I’m just, you know, madly in love and, you know, being in love makes you cry almost all the time, doesn’t it? I’m going to the restroom. Nice to meet you.”
I was completely freaked out. The minute I was out of earshot of the party, I called Julie from my cell. I wanted to kill some time while I tried to calm down.
“Hi, Julie-shmoolie,” I said. “I’m having a really fun time.”
“Is that why you’re crying like a Balenciaga bag that lost its buckle?” she replied. “Is something wrong?”
I told Julie that I was happier than I’d ever been in my life, that there were apple martinis everywhere you looked, and that Le Cirque’s Symphony of Desserts was just delicious. I was just calling to say I wished she could have been at the party.
“Honey, when you’re drinking martinis and your martini glass is full of tears, you gotta ask yourself, is the Universe trying to tell me something?” said Julie.
Oh god, when Julie starts talking about the Universe I worry about her. It means she’s been reading an unhealthy amount of horoscope books again. But maybe she had a point, even if she was getting her information from Moon Magic: How to Cast a Natal Horoscope .
“Zach’s acting weird, but I can’t explain now. I gotta go,” I said.
“Okay, feel better. Call me the minute you get back. Love-you-mean-it-later!”
A few minutes later Daphne found me sitting miserably on a bench outside the restroom. When she saw my tear-stained face she said, “Oh my god, what happened? Has Bradley been mean to you?”
“No, no. It’s Zach, he never gave me a ring, and Betthina started asking me where it is and…I don’t know, I feel terrible,” I sobbed.
“Get out!!! If anyone else asks you about the frigging engagement ring, tell them you got the Drowned Truck instead, which would buy six engagement rings, okay? When a man gives you something personal like that, well, that’s real love. Listen, Bradley went to Neil Lane for my ring, but so does everyone in Hollywood. Doesn’t mean a thing. Julia Roberts has like fifteen rings from there and look what happens to all her fiancés. You know how I know Bradley really loves me? When he brings me tea in bed when I’m sick with something really catching like SARS. It’s the small things that count. Now, can I see a smile? Hey, that’s better,” said Daphne as I grinned hopelessly at her. “You gotta look radiantly happy and in love if you want to feel radiantly happy and in love. Here.”
“Thanks,” I said, taking a Kleenex from her and wiping my eyes.
I guess I was totally in mood-swing central that night because as I walked back into the party I wasovercome by a spontaneous feeling of giddy happiness. Daphne was right, a Drowned Truck is much more significant love-wise than a ring. It’s just a bit of a drag you can’t wear it on your ring finger so that everyone else knows about the significant love, too. I thought of all the adorable things Zach had done when we first met, and I sort of hypnotized myself into a wonderful smiling paralysis that lasted the rest of the night. I felt my appetite disappearing again, which was a relief: I was definitely still in love.
Daphne led me back into the sitting room, which was now a blur of pastel dresses. The room was crowded with a million girls dressed exactly like Betthina. They were all frantically dissecting some movie that hadn’t even come out yet starring Keira Knight-ley, who they’d all be channeling when they were done with Kate Hudson. All the boyfriends and husbands were hanging on to their beautiful girls as though if they let go
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