muffle all sound but his heartbeat and near-deafening gulps. Tears tracked to his temples before being swallowed by the lake.
He desperately wanted Erik.
L UTHER STEPPED OUTSIDE into the late-afternoon sun and smelled the fallen leaves that had been rustled around by the raw wind. He taped a Sale sign on the display of pumpkins, scarecrows, and hay bales the owner of the lumberyard had hoped would bring business in to sell more two-by-fours and doors. It hadn’t worked, hence the Sale sign.
A familiar gold Buick came into view, so Luther waved at his mom, resigned but prepared. It was nearing his lunch break, and right on schedule, she was there for their Wednesday lunch date that was now part of his new routine.
“Give me five,” he said when she rolled her window down and peered at him from over her sunglasses.
“I have a doctor’s appointment at 3:30, so no dawdling.”
He was in and out of the lumberyard before his mom could work herself up into a lather. After their meal had come, Luther sat back in the chair and released a dismal sigh.
“What’s that for?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” He looked around the near-empty diner and glanced at the clock. Two o’clock. “It’s good to be here, and I never thought I’d say that.”
“Good? But you’ve been so down since you moved back, and that sigh certainly didn’t sound happy.” She gave him her nurturing smile, so he knew she wasn’t going to be bringing up ex-girlfriends or grandbabies or settling down right then. She genuinely wanted to know what was bothering him.
“I’m missing someone. A lot. And no matter how many weeks go by, it’s not getting easier.”
“Did you leave someone behind?”
Luther nodded and took a sip of his water. “Not by choice.” He dipped his spoon into his cup of soup and stirred it around, watching the creamy concoction coat the silverware before he brought it to his mouth. “I left someone very important to me, but because of this place, the oil workers, all the people I’ve known in my life, I’ve never felt comfortable letting anyone know the real me. That was the deal breaker.”
“Why, honey?”
“I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of being pushed even farther out of the world than I already am.”
“Gracious. What could cause that? Are you dating a non-Christian?”
“What if I were?”
His mom shrugged, then twisted her wrist in a careless manner. “Well, you haven’t been to church in years, and no one holds that against you. Are you? Is she not a Christian?”
Luther shook his head. “I don’t know. We never got that far, to be honest. He never said.”
“Well that’s im— Wait. He?”
Luther pulled another spoonful of soup to his mouth and watched his mother’s face contort as she slowly worked her mind around his words.
“He?” she whispered.
“I’m gay, Mom. So settling down with any woman, no matter how sweet or kind, was never in the cards. I got out of here the minute I could because I needed to.”
“Why did you need to?” She had tears on her lashes that she carefully dabbed at with the corner of her napkin so her mascara wouldn’t smear.
Luther glanced around the restaurant and saw four sets of familiar eyes on him. Everyone was listening, even if they now turned away, pretending to be overly interested in their pie and coffee and checks.
By bedtime, news would be all over town. Rather than his chest collapsing and air being stolen from him, Luther could suddenly breathe.
“Maybe I never needed to, but I was scared. Never letting anyone get too close to find out my secret seemed easiest.”
“That’s not a way to live, pushing people away.”
“I know. It’s been lonely.”
“And now you’re back.”
She reached for his hand, smiling, and Luther squeezed her fingers. “I’m back, but without him.”
“No wonder you’ve been so subdued. He’s the one you want to settle down with, isn’t he?”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “But
He desperately wanted Erik.
L UTHER STEPPED OUTSIDE into the late-afternoon sun and smelled the fallen leaves that had been rustled around by the raw wind. He taped a Sale sign on the display of pumpkins, scarecrows, and hay bales the owner of the lumberyard had hoped would bring business in to sell more two-by-fours and doors. It hadn’t worked, hence the Sale sign.
A familiar gold Buick came into view, so Luther waved at his mom, resigned but prepared. It was nearing his lunch break, and right on schedule, she was there for their Wednesday lunch date that was now part of his new routine.
“Give me five,” he said when she rolled her window down and peered at him from over her sunglasses.
“I have a doctor’s appointment at 3:30, so no dawdling.”
He was in and out of the lumberyard before his mom could work herself up into a lather. After their meal had come, Luther sat back in the chair and released a dismal sigh.
“What’s that for?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” He looked around the near-empty diner and glanced at the clock. Two o’clock. “It’s good to be here, and I never thought I’d say that.”
“Good? But you’ve been so down since you moved back, and that sigh certainly didn’t sound happy.” She gave him her nurturing smile, so he knew she wasn’t going to be bringing up ex-girlfriends or grandbabies or settling down right then. She genuinely wanted to know what was bothering him.
“I’m missing someone. A lot. And no matter how many weeks go by, it’s not getting easier.”
“Did you leave someone behind?”
Luther nodded and took a sip of his water. “Not by choice.” He dipped his spoon into his cup of soup and stirred it around, watching the creamy concoction coat the silverware before he brought it to his mouth. “I left someone very important to me, but because of this place, the oil workers, all the people I’ve known in my life, I’ve never felt comfortable letting anyone know the real me. That was the deal breaker.”
“Why, honey?”
“I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of being pushed even farther out of the world than I already am.”
“Gracious. What could cause that? Are you dating a non-Christian?”
“What if I were?”
His mom shrugged, then twisted her wrist in a careless manner. “Well, you haven’t been to church in years, and no one holds that against you. Are you? Is she not a Christian?”
Luther shook his head. “I don’t know. We never got that far, to be honest. He never said.”
“Well that’s im— Wait. He?”
Luther pulled another spoonful of soup to his mouth and watched his mother’s face contort as she slowly worked her mind around his words.
“He?” she whispered.
“I’m gay, Mom. So settling down with any woman, no matter how sweet or kind, was never in the cards. I got out of here the minute I could because I needed to.”
“Why did you need to?” She had tears on her lashes that she carefully dabbed at with the corner of her napkin so her mascara wouldn’t smear.
Luther glanced around the restaurant and saw four sets of familiar eyes on him. Everyone was listening, even if they now turned away, pretending to be overly interested in their pie and coffee and checks.
By bedtime, news would be all over town. Rather than his chest collapsing and air being stolen from him, Luther could suddenly breathe.
“Maybe I never needed to, but I was scared. Never letting anyone get too close to find out my secret seemed easiest.”
“That’s not a way to live, pushing people away.”
“I know. It’s been lonely.”
“And now you’re back.”
She reached for his hand, smiling, and Luther squeezed her fingers. “I’m back, but without him.”
“No wonder you’ve been so subdued. He’s the one you want to settle down with, isn’t he?”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “But
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