Read Online Being Kendra by Kendra Wilkinson - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Kendra Wilkinson
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reality of my life and my marriage. The show found a real estate agent who showed me this beautiful house that looked great on paper and I was like, “I want it.” It was supposed to be this beautiful house in Pasadena and I got there and I was like, “What is this?” It was three miles up a mountain and you had to drive up the side of a cliff to get to it. Once you got to the house, the last thing you wanted to do was drive back down that scary road, especially with a kid in the backseat.
A perfect fit, right there on my shoulder. We make each other relaxed.
So I started not wanting to leave the house. And I got it into my head that the house was haunted, so in addition to not wanting to leave, I also didn’t want to be there! I’d gone from feeling isolated in Philly to feeling isolated and trapped in Pasadena. I couldn’t take it anymore after more than three weeks, so I called Hank’s parents to help me with the baby—in-laws 911! They flew out for a few weeks and helped me with the baby while I did photo shoots and interviews and work for the show. I couldn’t do it all and raise the baby alone. I could feel myself unraveling.
I started to blame Hank, and our relationship began to deteriorate fast. I said, “How could you do this to me? You don’t even know where I’m at right now.” I felt like he had let us down again. He wasn’t involved in our day-to-day life and it was like he had checked out, at least in my mind. I felt us drifting farther and farther apart. Hank is a very caring, loving man, a good seed. If this is the kind of interaction he has with his family when he’s away for the season, I can only imagine what some of the bad seeds out there are like. I started to question his involvement and devotion to us. What kind of a father and husband is that? I didn’t want to be one of those “wives” who ended up on a reality show with other wives bitching about my lowlife, cheating, absent husband who’s on the road all year playing football. I knew deep down Hank was a good man put between a rock and a hard place, but I felt like he didn’t man up. Forget me; didn’t he want a better life for his son? I was so focused on and angry about things that had already happened and couldn’t be changed that I really started to lose it. You shouldn’t dwell on the past but I was focusing on what had happened over the last few months and it was causing me to freak out in the present. My past has always been a disaster. For me what works is looking forward, but I’m not always capable of doing that.
Chapter 6
Meltdown in Minnesota
W hen the house didn’t work out in Pasadena, I flew out to Minnesota with the baby to live with Hank for a couple weeks so we could try to be together. It was the holidays and I wanted to do everything possible to make sure we could at least have some family time even if the rest of the year had been anything but normal. We had a little Charlie Brown–type tree for Christmas and a lot of snow. We were dealing with a five-hundred-square-foot apartment and blizzard weather, but at least we were reunited as a family.
The place was roomy enough for Hank by himself, but add a wife and kid and things got cramped real fast. I quickly learned I couldn’t stay there full-time, there just wasn’t enough space, so I spent the next couple of weeks going back and forth between L.A. and Minnesota (Hank’s parents came up to Minnesota to help out and keep an eye on the baby since Hank was playing football) and moved us out of my Pasadena house and into a month-to-month apartment in Studio City—a place we’d call home until we bought our new house several months later. Finally, after trying to get our lives settled in California, I flew back to Minnesota for a three-week stay, possibly the longest three weeks of my life. That is when I lost my cool, to say the least.
I now understand what some moms go through on a daily basis when dad heads off to work. One day I found
A perfect fit, right there on my shoulder. We make each other relaxed.
So I started not wanting to leave the house. And I got it into my head that the house was haunted, so in addition to not wanting to leave, I also didn’t want to be there! I’d gone from feeling isolated in Philly to feeling isolated and trapped in Pasadena. I couldn’t take it anymore after more than three weeks, so I called Hank’s parents to help me with the baby—in-laws 911! They flew out for a few weeks and helped me with the baby while I did photo shoots and interviews and work for the show. I couldn’t do it all and raise the baby alone. I could feel myself unraveling.
I started to blame Hank, and our relationship began to deteriorate fast. I said, “How could you do this to me? You don’t even know where I’m at right now.” I felt like he had let us down again. He wasn’t involved in our day-to-day life and it was like he had checked out, at least in my mind. I felt us drifting farther and farther apart. Hank is a very caring, loving man, a good seed. If this is the kind of interaction he has with his family when he’s away for the season, I can only imagine what some of the bad seeds out there are like. I started to question his involvement and devotion to us. What kind of a father and husband is that? I didn’t want to be one of those “wives” who ended up on a reality show with other wives bitching about my lowlife, cheating, absent husband who’s on the road all year playing football. I knew deep down Hank was a good man put between a rock and a hard place, but I felt like he didn’t man up. Forget me; didn’t he want a better life for his son? I was so focused on and angry about things that had already happened and couldn’t be changed that I really started to lose it. You shouldn’t dwell on the past but I was focusing on what had happened over the last few months and it was causing me to freak out in the present. My past has always been a disaster. For me what works is looking forward, but I’m not always capable of doing that.
Chapter 6
Meltdown in Minnesota
W hen the house didn’t work out in Pasadena, I flew out to Minnesota with the baby to live with Hank for a couple weeks so we could try to be together. It was the holidays and I wanted to do everything possible to make sure we could at least have some family time even if the rest of the year had been anything but normal. We had a little Charlie Brown–type tree for Christmas and a lot of snow. We were dealing with a five-hundred-square-foot apartment and blizzard weather, but at least we were reunited as a family.
The place was roomy enough for Hank by himself, but add a wife and kid and things got cramped real fast. I quickly learned I couldn’t stay there full-time, there just wasn’t enough space, so I spent the next couple of weeks going back and forth between L.A. and Minnesota (Hank’s parents came up to Minnesota to help out and keep an eye on the baby since Hank was playing football) and moved us out of my Pasadena house and into a month-to-month apartment in Studio City—a place we’d call home until we bought our new house several months later. Finally, after trying to get our lives settled in California, I flew back to Minnesota for a three-week stay, possibly the longest three weeks of my life. That is when I lost my cool, to say the least.
I now understand what some moms go through on a daily basis when dad heads off to work. One day I found
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