Read Online Behind Closed Doors by Susan Lewis - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Susan Lewis
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do.
I don’t know what else to say, except sorry again. I expect you’ll all be much happier without me. Please tell Andee she can have whatever she likes of mine, although I don’t expect she’ll want anything at all.
Your daughter, Penny
The shock, the fear and grief that ripped through the family was only surpassed by the desperate need to find her. More police were drafted in; friends, neighbours, even strangers from far and wide came to join in the search. It was all over the news for weeks, but Penny was never found.
Andee remembered her mother being sedated throughout that time, while Andee herself had wanted to die rather than live with the fear of what might be happening to her sister. The question she kept asking herself, that everyone was asking themselves but never spoke aloud was,
had Penny committed suicide? Or was she still out there somewhere waiting, needing to be convinced she was loved?
No body was ever found, and they never received another letter.
The disappearance had proved the beginning of the end for her father. Not knowing what had happened to his daughter tore him to pieces, over and over, ceaselessly. That she hadn’t believed he loved her when he had, more than his own life, wasn’t possible for him to deal with. He’d never had a favourite, he swore it, but how could he tell Penny that if she didn’t come back?
It soon became clear that he was finding it increasingly difficult to focus. The sense of despair, shame and guilt was so consuming that he could hardly relate to anyone, either at home or at work. In his heart and in reality he was still looking for her. Everywhere they went his eyes were searching faces, doorways, alleyways, desperate for a glimpse of his girl. Within a year he’d become a shell of the man they used to know. Though he went through the motions of his everyday life at work, at home it was obvious that he was struggling to carry on the pretence. Hardest of all, it seemed, was sharing any sort of closeness with Andee. It was as though he was afraid Penny might be watching, ready to accuse him again of loving his elder daughter more. So the easy banter that had always existed between them had fallen into silence. They no longer joked and bickered over issues as they came up on the news, he stopped asking how she was doing at school, and he almost never laughed.
It was two years after the dreaded note had arrived that the cottage next to his parents in Kesterly came up for sale. After discussing it with Andee and Maureen, he put in for early retirement and moved the family to the West Country. Though Andee knew that her parents shared her fear that Penny would come back and find them gone, like them she was also glad to be out of the house that Penny would always haunt.
However, being in Kesterly wasn’t any easier for her. In some ways it was worse, since every corner she turned, everywhere she looked, every scent that carried on the breeze seemed to hold a memory of Penny. She could see her leaping up as she found a crab in a rock pool; laughing her head off as she trotted along the sands on a donkey; coming up from the waves gulping for air as she learned to surf. It wasn’t the same for her parents; they hadn’t spent their summers here, so for them it was something of a fresh start.
Even so Penny was always there. She was the tragic hole in their lives, the one that could never be bridged until she was found; the one they always had to step around to find one another.
Penny, Penny, Penny
. The cry rose silently, inextinguishably from their very existence.
Though Andee completed sixth-form college in Kesterly, as soon as it was over she returned to London to begin her police training. She knew it was crazy even to think this might be a way to find Penny, but having no real closure where her sister was concerned was at the very centre of who she was back then. Not only that, she’d felt a burning need to try to restore the connection with her father
I don’t know what else to say, except sorry again. I expect you’ll all be much happier without me. Please tell Andee she can have whatever she likes of mine, although I don’t expect she’ll want anything at all.
Your daughter, Penny
The shock, the fear and grief that ripped through the family was only surpassed by the desperate need to find her. More police were drafted in; friends, neighbours, even strangers from far and wide came to join in the search. It was all over the news for weeks, but Penny was never found.
Andee remembered her mother being sedated throughout that time, while Andee herself had wanted to die rather than live with the fear of what might be happening to her sister. The question she kept asking herself, that everyone was asking themselves but never spoke aloud was,
had Penny committed suicide? Or was she still out there somewhere waiting, needing to be convinced she was loved?
No body was ever found, and they never received another letter.
The disappearance had proved the beginning of the end for her father. Not knowing what had happened to his daughter tore him to pieces, over and over, ceaselessly. That she hadn’t believed he loved her when he had, more than his own life, wasn’t possible for him to deal with. He’d never had a favourite, he swore it, but how could he tell Penny that if she didn’t come back?
It soon became clear that he was finding it increasingly difficult to focus. The sense of despair, shame and guilt was so consuming that he could hardly relate to anyone, either at home or at work. In his heart and in reality he was still looking for her. Everywhere they went his eyes were searching faces, doorways, alleyways, desperate for a glimpse of his girl. Within a year he’d become a shell of the man they used to know. Though he went through the motions of his everyday life at work, at home it was obvious that he was struggling to carry on the pretence. Hardest of all, it seemed, was sharing any sort of closeness with Andee. It was as though he was afraid Penny might be watching, ready to accuse him again of loving his elder daughter more. So the easy banter that had always existed between them had fallen into silence. They no longer joked and bickered over issues as they came up on the news, he stopped asking how she was doing at school, and he almost never laughed.
It was two years after the dreaded note had arrived that the cottage next to his parents in Kesterly came up for sale. After discussing it with Andee and Maureen, he put in for early retirement and moved the family to the West Country. Though Andee knew that her parents shared her fear that Penny would come back and find them gone, like them she was also glad to be out of the house that Penny would always haunt.
However, being in Kesterly wasn’t any easier for her. In some ways it was worse, since every corner she turned, everywhere she looked, every scent that carried on the breeze seemed to hold a memory of Penny. She could see her leaping up as she found a crab in a rock pool; laughing her head off as she trotted along the sands on a donkey; coming up from the waves gulping for air as she learned to surf. It wasn’t the same for her parents; they hadn’t spent their summers here, so for them it was something of a fresh start.
Even so Penny was always there. She was the tragic hole in their lives, the one that could never be bridged until she was found; the one they always had to step around to find one another.
Penny, Penny, Penny
. The cry rose silently, inextinguishably from their very existence.
Though Andee completed sixth-form college in Kesterly, as soon as it was over she returned to London to begin her police training. She knew it was crazy even to think this might be a way to find Penny, but having no real closure where her sister was concerned was at the very centre of who she was back then. Not only that, she’d felt a burning need to try to restore the connection with her father
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