Read Online Beg Me by Lisa Lawrence - Free Book Online Page B

looked at me kind of sideways. “What do you plan to do?”
    “Get in. Infiltrate them. It’s the only way. Tell me about the leaders.”
    “That’s not what you’ll need.”
    “Oh?”
    He shook his head. “You’ll never get in. And I pray to God you won’t.”
    “I’ve got into worse places.”
    “It’s not a question of geography.”
    “Then what is it?”
    He didn’t answer. He moved in close and kissed me. At first it was tender, and I thought there was genuine affection behind it. Maybe it was protective desperation on his part. I closed my eyes and tasted his tongue, and the room felt even smaller, the air staler. Then I felt his hand slide up under my top and cup my breast, and while I enjoyed this, it disturbed me, this sudden inappropriate eroticism.
    He was tugging down my bra cup, bringing his lips to suck my nipple as his hand undid the button of my jeans and burrowed down under the band of my panties. I felt his fingers working me, fumbling with me to make me wet.
    “Wait, wait…Oliver?”
    My lips below were starting to open for him.
No.
    “Oliver, what is this?”
    Breaking away from him now, putting myself back together.
    “You’ll never get in, Teresa.” It was the second time he’d said that to me. I was getting tired of it.
    “Why not?” I demanded, annoyed at his negativity, wondering what the hell he was doing.
    He sighed, his eyebrows jumping, as if there was a huge gulf of ignorance on my part and he would have to explain something about a surgical operation.
    Then he said: “It’s the kind of person you are. You can’t…playact with them. You can’t pretend you think you’re second place to a man—you’ve got to act like you believe it, that it’s your
duty.
And they don’t go in for nasty fluids or leg worship or foot fetish. They’re about fucking with your body and fucking with your mind. I’d have to teach you stuff, and you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
    “So was that a sample?” I demanded sarcastically.
    “No,” he said slowly, with an edge in his voice. “That was because I’m tempted. I like you…. And since I like you, I wanted to touch you a proper loving way before I have to—This is nuts! We’re not doing this. I can’t teach you, and I can’t help you.”
    “Try me.”
    He shook his head again, his eyes full of disdain. “You have
no
idea what this shit is about. You’d have to let me do things to you. As a matter of fact, you’d have to give me blanket permission to do things to you, and once you give it, you can’t take it back. These people don’t have safe words for where they go with your head! It’s not about pain at that point, it’s about taking you to mental places that are goddamn scarier than you’ve ever been.”
    I don’t know how he expected me to react to all this hype. Sometimes people think an appropriate expression of fear should be displayed like respect, but I was wearing my poker face. After a pause, I said, “All right.”
    “No, no, no!” he said, getting frustrated with me.
    “Look, all this big talk is not—”
    “You don’t understand—”
    “I’m sorry I’m not as intimidated as you want me to be.” I shrugged. “I said I’m in. Go ahead and train me for them.”
    “Hey, I don’t know if I want to do this either!” he snapped. “I don’t like the person I was turning into, and you want this shit, I’ve got to be that guy again.”
    Oh, please.
    “How long is this going to take?” I asked, my voice bored.
    He considered it for a moment. “You wear contact lenses?” I shook my head. “Any breathing problems? Asthma? Good. I’m going to psychologically break you—I hope you’re prepared for that.”
    I tried hard not to burst out laughing.
    “Take your clothes off!” he ordered.
    “Are you kidding me?” I said. “Your shop’s still open. Suppose your guy comes back here?” And I noticed that the windows toward the back faced out on the cross street. There were