Read Online Bang by Charles Kennedy Scott - Free Book Online Page A

was desperation, not going bonkers. But she truly was, bonkers. For now,
anyway.
    Meanwhile the officer had been demoted, because when
asked by his superiors what he’d done with the prisoner he claimed to have
forgotten. They were keen to find her, they told him, because the man had come
back into Authority Welcome offering to pay her bail, and now that she had
become a murderer the Authority could charge a much higher price.
    ‘Wake up, fruitcake,’ said Gentle, and kicked Delilah
with the fur of a new boot. ‘Look what I’m wearing! I went back to the boot
shop and purchased the green after all. It does suit me, it does, oh do agree
with me. The man in the shop said he’d never seen someone with a figure like
mine. He said I should model. He made me twirl and he clapped his hands. He
wants to Life me, he says, and get together over a meal, talk big figures, and
knock heads together concerning my future. I am feeling very good about myself,
now, despite my demotion. I think I might jack in all this nonsense and go and
get me some fame. I could do with some fame. It would do my confidence no end
of good – people looking at me, children whispering to their guardians
when I walk by ‘Look, there goes the famous Gentle!’ Yes, I think I might Life
him. I’ll think it over. I’m a thinker, as you know. That’s what I’ll do, think
it over for a month or so. Then Life him.’ But what he actually did was leave
room, so taken with his own thoughts that he’d forgotten to do what he went in
there for, which was to release Delilah and claim the reward the Authority had
offered for her retrieval. Which was promotion – and would have reinserted
him back into the level of his short-held higher rank.
    A plumber who’d come to repair Shower Unit 101 after
bits of towel had jammed up a jet discovered Delilah. He’d been asked to look
in, ‘whilst on the premises’, at the launderette and do something once and for
all about ‘those leaky machines’.
    ‘All right, darling,’ he offered, when he came looking
for the stopcock to shut off the water, ‘don’t mind me, I’ll be out of your way
in no time. Just having a quick shufti round here. Gor, what a place. This
yours, is it? You wanna think about decorating. Putting in a comfortable bed.
You’ll do your back in, lying down there like that. Hold up, what’s this? You
fastened yourself to the floor or somint? Here, my precious, are you all
right? Wake up, darling, talk to me. Hey? Look at me like that? There’s no
need to be rude, I’m just an honest plumber. Fine, so go and ignore me, see if
I care.’ He located the stopcock and twisted it off with a grunt, killing a
prisoner (prematurely) in Shower Unit 101 (the fountain he’d been perched upon
for many hours dissolved instantly causing his fatal fall). ‘All right, one
last try, my love, to get through to you. Here’s a joke, stop me if you’ve
heard it, a geezer walks into a wall. That’s it. Here’s another. A geezer walks
into another geezer. Strike a light, goes the first geezer, don’t I know you?
No, says the second geezer, you don’t – now, if you don’t mind, little
man, I’ve got to get to the shops. That’s it. They’re not very good, are they.
Plumbing’s my strong point. Not jokes. Eh, eh, you nearly opened an eye there.
We have life! You’re a nice looking bird, you know, just need to clean yourself
up a bit, take a bit more pride in your appearance. What are you, nineteen,
twenty? Well, seeing as I’m here, how about I loosen these spiky things on your
ankles, and stop that drip up there, it must be driving you crazy .’ He
got busy with his tools and worked quickly. ‘Now then,’ he said, slipping out
of his overalls, ‘put these on or you’ll catch your death down here. Brhhh! No?
You want me to do it for you? Not a problem, my darling. That’s right, one leg
goes in there, and the other – that’s it – see, wasn’t too difficult,
was it? Can you walk? Grab a