Instead of the sexy legs he’d bragged about before were two stumps. He was an amputee, a double amputee. That explained a lot of things. Like why he always wore pants and why he’d been limping. It was the injury that ended his military career, not PTSD like he claimed. Or maybe it was that, too, because if I’d lost both my legs in combat I was sure I’d be pretty messed up in the head.
It was too late to erase the shocked look from my face. Justin had already seen it. Before I could think of the right words, actually any words to say, Justin slammed the door shut.
“Go away,” he said from behind the closed door.
“Justin. C’mon, please just open the door.”
“I said go away.”
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I had to find a way to make things better, a way to let him know that his injury didn’t matter to me. He didn’t need to be embarrassed. I wasn’t sure what to do. It dawned on me that if Justin locked the door I was pretty sure I would have heard a click. I reached for the knob, twisted it and opened the door. Justin sat in his wheelchair a few feet away with his hands covering his face.
“Justin. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He dropped his hands from his face and looked at me with a mortified expression on his face. “Tell you what? That I have no legs. It’s not exactly something I like to talk about.”
“I. . .I thought we were friends.” It sounded lame, but it was the only thing I could think of to say.
“Yeah, sure, friends,” he muttered. “Maybe you think I didn’t notice the look on your face after I opened the door, but I did.”
“I was just surprised, that’s all.”
“And now you feel sorry for me, right?” he said, his voice mournful. “What are you even doing here?”
I held up the white paper bag and coffee. “I brought you breakfast. I thought you were sick, and I. . .I figured I’d surprise you, cheer you up.”
Justin turned his head. “I’m not feeling very well right now, Jesse. Can you please just go?”
I didn’t want to. What I wanted to do was put my hand on Justin’s shoulder and tell him that legs or not I still thought he was one of the most handsome, sweetest guys I’d ever met. Instead I stood in the doorway willing myself to say or do something, but I was frozen.
“Jesse, please. I really want to be alone right now.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled it so quietly I wasn’t sure Justin heard me, then I backed away from the door. Justin couldn’t bring himself to look at me and eventually I turned and began to walk down the hallway. I heard his door close behind me and then I ran for the elevator and out of Justin’s building without looking back. I threw the bagels and coffee in the trash before running towards the train station. I had to be at work in less than half an hour. How the hell I was going to get through the day? I thought about just going back home and calling Mrs. Connor to tell her I couldn’t make it in, but I needed the money, and the distraction.
After arriving at the community center, I gave a wobbly wave to Don and went into the bathroom to wash my face. Did anyone else at work knew about Justin? They had to. Why was it okay for Mrs. Connor and probably even Don to know about his legs, but not me?
Somehow I muddled my way through a morning and afternoon of tutoring. At the end of the day, as I was on my way out, I saw Mrs. Connor sitting in her office. I knocked on her door.
“Come in.” I entered hesitantly. “Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Yeah. I just wanted to ask you something. . .about Justin.”
She pointed to a chair in front of her desk and I took a seat. “What about him?”
I was afraid to ask her about his legs on the off chance that she didn’t actually know, but that didn’t seem possible. Justin said he’d volunteered at the community center for a year before he got hired. I doubted he could keep that kind of thing secret for so long.
“What happened to his legs?” I
It was too late to erase the shocked look from my face. Justin had already seen it. Before I could think of the right words, actually any words to say, Justin slammed the door shut.
“Go away,” he said from behind the closed door.
“Justin. C’mon, please just open the door.”
“I said go away.”
I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I had to find a way to make things better, a way to let him know that his injury didn’t matter to me. He didn’t need to be embarrassed. I wasn’t sure what to do. It dawned on me that if Justin locked the door I was pretty sure I would have heard a click. I reached for the knob, twisted it and opened the door. Justin sat in his wheelchair a few feet away with his hands covering his face.
“Justin. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He dropped his hands from his face and looked at me with a mortified expression on his face. “Tell you what? That I have no legs. It’s not exactly something I like to talk about.”
“I. . .I thought we were friends.” It sounded lame, but it was the only thing I could think of to say.
“Yeah, sure, friends,” he muttered. “Maybe you think I didn’t notice the look on your face after I opened the door, but I did.”
“I was just surprised, that’s all.”
“And now you feel sorry for me, right?” he said, his voice mournful. “What are you even doing here?”
I held up the white paper bag and coffee. “I brought you breakfast. I thought you were sick, and I. . .I figured I’d surprise you, cheer you up.”
Justin turned his head. “I’m not feeling very well right now, Jesse. Can you please just go?”
I didn’t want to. What I wanted to do was put my hand on Justin’s shoulder and tell him that legs or not I still thought he was one of the most handsome, sweetest guys I’d ever met. Instead I stood in the doorway willing myself to say or do something, but I was frozen.
“Jesse, please. I really want to be alone right now.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled it so quietly I wasn’t sure Justin heard me, then I backed away from the door. Justin couldn’t bring himself to look at me and eventually I turned and began to walk down the hallway. I heard his door close behind me and then I ran for the elevator and out of Justin’s building without looking back. I threw the bagels and coffee in the trash before running towards the train station. I had to be at work in less than half an hour. How the hell I was going to get through the day? I thought about just going back home and calling Mrs. Connor to tell her I couldn’t make it in, but I needed the money, and the distraction.
After arriving at the community center, I gave a wobbly wave to Don and went into the bathroom to wash my face. Did anyone else at work knew about Justin? They had to. Why was it okay for Mrs. Connor and probably even Don to know about his legs, but not me?
Somehow I muddled my way through a morning and afternoon of tutoring. At the end of the day, as I was on my way out, I saw Mrs. Connor sitting in her office. I knocked on her door.
“Come in.” I entered hesitantly. “Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Yeah. I just wanted to ask you something. . .about Justin.”
She pointed to a chair in front of her desk and I took a seat. “What about him?”
I was afraid to ask her about his legs on the off chance that she didn’t actually know, but that didn’t seem possible. Justin said he’d volunteered at the community center for a year before he got hired. I doubted he could keep that kind of thing secret for so long.
“What happened to his legs?” I
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