Matthew and Honor talk about themselves, in a far livelier
and more interesting way than usual. I donât think I had ever seen Matthew so relaxedâhe was even making jokes about his clients. Phoebe had a knack for presenting people to themselves in their best light.
The four of us laughed and talked and ate. Phoebe naturally moved on to the subject of the boys, and her anecdotes about them were so funny that Honorâs disgust turned to amusement. We vied to cap each otherâs stories, and it was only afterward that I reflected this might not have been a very good idea. Everything we said seemed to highlight the boysâ least admirable qualitiesâtheir naughtiness, their fondness for partying, their brushes with the law. Phoebe assumed that their innate loveliness was obvious to everyone.
I had said I would drive home, but I was having such a good time that I drank too much. Matthew said he would drive, and frisked me for my keys. We were to drop Phoebe off first, then Honor.
As soon as we had waved Phoebe into her front door, Honor let out a long sigh.
âWhat an adorable woman! How did her sons turn out so awful? Itâs enough to put you off having children. I was so sorry for her. I didnât know where to look.â And she launched into a description of her meeting with Fritz and Ben.
I was very annoyed with the Darlings for being so oafish in front of a potential bride, but I found myself irritated by Honorâs self-righteousness. I had enjoyed laughing over the old stories with Phoebe, and remembering why I was so fond of the boys next door. They might have been oafs, I thought, but they were very kind and entertaining oafs. Nobody in the world could make me laugh like the Darlings.
Honor didnât see the funny side of anything. Dull old poop, I thought. No wonder she couldnât get laid.
And how could she possibly overlook the sheer gorgeousness of Fritzâs naked body? Too sozzled to feel guilty, I closed my eyes to conjure it up again. I had shown Honor a body to die for, and all she could think about was the untidiness. It was great that Matthew was making such an effort to be nice to her, but I wished he would stop agreeing with her, and adding his own criticisms of the Fritz-and-Ben lifestyle.
âGod knows why they think the world owes them a living,â he said.
âAnd itâs rather appalling that theyâve let their flat get into such a state. Donât they care about the house?â
One thing was abundantly clear. We had a serious problem with presentation. Fritz and Ben had to be in on this whole matchmaking plan, or it was doomed.
CHAPTER FOUR
N ext morning, while Matthew was out at the gym, I took the step of calling the boysâwithout Phoebeâs knowledgeâfor an emergency meeting.
I got Fritzâs voice on the answering machine. âHi. Youâve reached the residence of Fritz and Ben Darling. Leave a message and weâll call you back.â
I left a message. âHi, itâs Cassie. Could one of you ring me? Itâs important. Thanks.â
There was no reply that day. Perhaps it was just as well, since I was on boyfriend duty and very busy. Matthewâs weekends were as labor-intensive as his working week. We read quantities of huge newspapers, drank coffee and bought organic brie at Villandry, saw a depressing foreign film, had sex three times, and shopped at Healâs for a desk lamp. In between, I left three more messages for the Darlings.
By Monday morning, my office seemed an oasis of peace. Iâd had a wonderful weekend with Matthew, I told myselfâbut I did notice that I was looking forward to wearing jeans and eating a pizza on the sofa. We had an editorial meeting about the next issue. I persuaded an eminent old author to write our main article, and left three more messages for Fritz and Ben. Didnât they ever return calls? I was beginning to be irked by the intractability of the
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