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Authors: Ronald Firbank
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practising sinking upon a camp-stool like an Athenian, they came home, as a rule, rampageous.
‘This afternoon they are uncontrollable!’ Fräulein murmured, attempting to hurry them away. But Mrs Henedge, with an arm about a child, was beginning to expand.
‘Her complexion,’ she observed, ‘is as lovely as ever; but she
begins to look older
!’
As a foreigner, Fräulein could fully savour the remark. She had succeeded, only lately, to Mademoiselle Saligny, who had been dismissed for calling Marie Antoinette a doll. Unfortunately, as Lady Georgia had since discovered, her Teutonic scepticism varied scarcely at all, from the Almighty to a can of hot water; but this was more pardonable, she considered, thanlabelling Marie Antoinette a doll. Distinguished, or harmless doubts were these!
‘It’s really rather an escape!’ Lady Georgia murmured, as soon as they were gone; ‘my mother-in-law’s dictatorialness is becoming so impossible, and in this warm weather she’s sure to be out of sorts.’
She stretched out a hand listlessly, towards a red, colossal rose. So many talismans for happiness fettered her arms! She could hardly move but the jingling of some crystal ball, or the swaying of some malachite pig, reminded her of the fact that she was unhappy. ‘I can’t bear,’ she said, ‘James to arrange the flowers, he
packs
them down into the vases.’ She got up and loosened some. ‘And when Charles does them,’ she murmured, ‘they’re invariably swooning away! Come and see, though, all I’ve been doing; our lease, you know, doesn’t expire until two thousand and one. And so it’s quite worth while to make some little improvements!’
But Mrs Henedge seemed disinclined to stir. Seated upon a sofa entirely without springs, that had, most likely, once been Juliet’s bier, it appeared she had something to confide. Something was troubling her besides ‘
the poor Guards, in all this sun!
’
‘My dear Georgia,’ she said, ‘now that you’ve told me your news, I want to tell you of a most exquisite discovery.’
Lady Georgia opened wide-wide eyes. ‘Is it,’ she hazarded, ‘some new thing about Mrs Hanover?’
Mrs Henedge looked about her. ‘It’s rather a secret still,’ she continued, ‘and although, in many ways, I should have liked to have told Ada, she would probably immediately tell Robert, and he, in confidence, would, of course, tell Jack, and Jack would tell
everybody
, and so—’
‘Better say nothing to Ada!’
Mrs Henedge heaved a sigh.
‘Do you remember Professor Inglepin?’ she asked. ‘His mother was a Miss Chancellor … Fanny. Well, quite lately, whilst in Egypt, the Professor (he terrifies me! He’s so thin, he’s so fierce!) came upon an original fragment of Sappho. And I’m having a small party at my house, on Sunday, with his assistance, to make the line known.’
Lady Georgia became immediately animated. The Isabella d’Este in her awoke.
‘My dear, how heavenly!’ she exclaimed.
‘Exceptional people,’ Mrs Henedge hinted nervously, ‘are coming.’
‘Oh-h?’
‘Mrs Asp, Miss Compostella, the Calvallys!’
‘It will be delightful!’
‘Well, you won’t blame me, dear, will you, if you’re bored?’
Lady Georgia closed her eyes. ‘Sappho!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m wondering what I shall wear. My instinct would dress me, I believe, in a crinoline, with a yellow cashmere shawl, and a tiny turquoise bonnet.’
Mrs Henedge became alarmed. ‘I hope we shall be all as
Ingre
as possible,’ she said, ‘since there’s not much time to be Greek. And now that I’ve told you, I must fly! No, darling, I can’t even stay to look at the improvements; since the house is yours for so long, I shall see them, perhaps, again. I’m going this evening with the Fitzlittles to the Russian dancers.’ And she added melodiously from the stairs: ‘I do so
adore
Nijinsky in
Le Spectre de la Rose
.’
II
Mrs Henedge lived in a small house with killing
‘This afternoon they are uncontrollable!’ Fräulein murmured, attempting to hurry them away. But Mrs Henedge, with an arm about a child, was beginning to expand.
‘Her complexion,’ she observed, ‘is as lovely as ever; but she
begins to look older
!’
As a foreigner, Fräulein could fully savour the remark. She had succeeded, only lately, to Mademoiselle Saligny, who had been dismissed for calling Marie Antoinette a doll. Unfortunately, as Lady Georgia had since discovered, her Teutonic scepticism varied scarcely at all, from the Almighty to a can of hot water; but this was more pardonable, she considered, thanlabelling Marie Antoinette a doll. Distinguished, or harmless doubts were these!
‘It’s really rather an escape!’ Lady Georgia murmured, as soon as they were gone; ‘my mother-in-law’s dictatorialness is becoming so impossible, and in this warm weather she’s sure to be out of sorts.’
She stretched out a hand listlessly, towards a red, colossal rose. So many talismans for happiness fettered her arms! She could hardly move but the jingling of some crystal ball, or the swaying of some malachite pig, reminded her of the fact that she was unhappy. ‘I can’t bear,’ she said, ‘James to arrange the flowers, he
packs
them down into the vases.’ She got up and loosened some. ‘And when Charles does them,’ she murmured, ‘they’re invariably swooning away! Come and see, though, all I’ve been doing; our lease, you know, doesn’t expire until two thousand and one. And so it’s quite worth while to make some little improvements!’
But Mrs Henedge seemed disinclined to stir. Seated upon a sofa entirely without springs, that had, most likely, once been Juliet’s bier, it appeared she had something to confide. Something was troubling her besides ‘
the poor Guards, in all this sun!
’
‘My dear Georgia,’ she said, ‘now that you’ve told me your news, I want to tell you of a most exquisite discovery.’
Lady Georgia opened wide-wide eyes. ‘Is it,’ she hazarded, ‘some new thing about Mrs Hanover?’
Mrs Henedge looked about her. ‘It’s rather a secret still,’ she continued, ‘and although, in many ways, I should have liked to have told Ada, she would probably immediately tell Robert, and he, in confidence, would, of course, tell Jack, and Jack would tell
everybody
, and so—’
‘Better say nothing to Ada!’
Mrs Henedge heaved a sigh.
‘Do you remember Professor Inglepin?’ she asked. ‘His mother was a Miss Chancellor … Fanny. Well, quite lately, whilst in Egypt, the Professor (he terrifies me! He’s so thin, he’s so fierce!) came upon an original fragment of Sappho. And I’m having a small party at my house, on Sunday, with his assistance, to make the line known.’
Lady Georgia became immediately animated. The Isabella d’Este in her awoke.
‘My dear, how heavenly!’ she exclaimed.
‘Exceptional people,’ Mrs Henedge hinted nervously, ‘are coming.’
‘Oh-h?’
‘Mrs Asp, Miss Compostella, the Calvallys!’
‘It will be delightful!’
‘Well, you won’t blame me, dear, will you, if you’re bored?’
Lady Georgia closed her eyes. ‘Sappho!’ she exclaimed. ‘I’m wondering what I shall wear. My instinct would dress me, I believe, in a crinoline, with a yellow cashmere shawl, and a tiny turquoise bonnet.’
Mrs Henedge became alarmed. ‘I hope we shall be all as
Ingre
as possible,’ she said, ‘since there’s not much time to be Greek. And now that I’ve told you, I must fly! No, darling, I can’t even stay to look at the improvements; since the house is yours for so long, I shall see them, perhaps, again. I’m going this evening with the Fitzlittles to the Russian dancers.’ And she added melodiously from the stairs: ‘I do so
adore
Nijinsky in
Le Spectre de la Rose
.’
II
Mrs Henedge lived in a small house with killing
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