trip to the local sex boutique, Heaven, and buy a personal device, a dildo, for Christ’s sake.
In what I’m aware is a classic Audrey moment, I sit in the car willing myself to go inside. I can do this. It’s a store. That’s all , I tell myself, as if words will make me grow a pair of balls and complete this task. I peer through my windshield and look into the front window of the store. Sexy lingerie and leather accessories stare back at me. Sure, I ordered a slutty outfit online for Valentine’s Day, but I’ve never been in a shop like this. Dr. Markson was specific that I had to actually enter the store and purchase the dildo before our next meeting.
I pick up the phone a nd call Reese. “I just can’t go in there. Not alone.”
“Well, sweetie, I’d love to shop for a dick with you , but I can’t. I’m at work.”
“Can’t you play sick?”
“No. I can’t,” she says. “But I’m sending you all my good vibes and positive juju. You’ve got this.”
“Ugh. You suck.”
“Like a ten dollar hooker.”
I hang up and stare out the window again, ducking when a car pulls next to mine. Good grief. I’ve lost my damn mind. As if anyone going into the sex shop is judging me on going into the sex shop, I scold myself. Desperate, I pick up the phone again. I’m doing this, but I’m not going alone. I scroll through the phone and stop on the one other person I can call in a situation like this. I press dial and wait.
“Hello?”
“It’s Audrey. I need your help.”
*
My knight in shining armor shows up in an ancient, battered , green Land Cruiser. He steps out with a smile, takes my hand, and leads me to the doorway of the big, scary store.
My nails dig into his palm , and he says, “What’s the problem?”
“I don’t think I can go in there.”
“We’re going to go in, pick out something, and leave. That’s all. Why is that such a big deal?” His tone is gentle, yet serious. He really wants to know.
“Everyone in there will think I’m having sex.”
He stares at me. “Yeah, so?”
“But I’m not. I feel like a…fraud.”
“Audrey,” he says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. The motion soothes me. “No one in there cares about you. Do you think about why people are buying certain foods at the grocery store? It’s the same thing.”
“It’s not,” I tell him, but I know I’m being stupid. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”
We enter the store and I can feel my eyes pop wide open. Graham glances over and smiles. “You’re a mess,” he laughs.
“What do you even do with that?” I’ve stopped to stare at what looks like a small statue of a baby. “Is that Jesus?”
“Ah,” Graham says, picking up the package. “That appears to be a butt plug baby Jesus.”
“ A what?”
“You know a butt plug, for your um…” He makes a gesture.
“Out of a baby Jesus? Stop it. That is so wrong.”
He shakes his head and replaces the package . “Well, good thing we’re not here for that. Let’s go check out the wall of dildos.”
“Ugh.” We pass baskets of lubricant, edible panties, and several blow-up dolls. Toward the back is a huge display of personal devices . All shapes, colors and sizes. “Oooh!” I cry, grabbing one with rhinestones covering the sides. “So pretty.”
Graham takes it from me. “I don’t think that’s quite what you’re looking for.”
I eye the shelves and pretend I’m not about to burst into flames just being in the boutique. “To be honest? They all look so…big.”
He takes my hand and rubs his thumb over mine. He’s being very touchy; but then again, so far, our relationship is based on touch and his movements calm me. God, he’s turned me into one of Pavlov’s dogs. One touch and I’m drooling with complacency. “I imagine that it’s overwhelming for you. Let’s just get something very basic. No bumps or ridges or spikey things.”
I gulp. “Spikey things?”
“How about this one,” he says;
In what I’m aware is a classic Audrey moment, I sit in the car willing myself to go inside. I can do this. It’s a store. That’s all , I tell myself, as if words will make me grow a pair of balls and complete this task. I peer through my windshield and look into the front window of the store. Sexy lingerie and leather accessories stare back at me. Sure, I ordered a slutty outfit online for Valentine’s Day, but I’ve never been in a shop like this. Dr. Markson was specific that I had to actually enter the store and purchase the dildo before our next meeting.
I pick up the phone a nd call Reese. “I just can’t go in there. Not alone.”
“Well, sweetie, I’d love to shop for a dick with you , but I can’t. I’m at work.”
“Can’t you play sick?”
“No. I can’t,” she says. “But I’m sending you all my good vibes and positive juju. You’ve got this.”
“Ugh. You suck.”
“Like a ten dollar hooker.”
I hang up and stare out the window again, ducking when a car pulls next to mine. Good grief. I’ve lost my damn mind. As if anyone going into the sex shop is judging me on going into the sex shop, I scold myself. Desperate, I pick up the phone again. I’m doing this, but I’m not going alone. I scroll through the phone and stop on the one other person I can call in a situation like this. I press dial and wait.
“Hello?”
“It’s Audrey. I need your help.”
*
My knight in shining armor shows up in an ancient, battered , green Land Cruiser. He steps out with a smile, takes my hand, and leads me to the doorway of the big, scary store.
My nails dig into his palm , and he says, “What’s the problem?”
“I don’t think I can go in there.”
“We’re going to go in, pick out something, and leave. That’s all. Why is that such a big deal?” His tone is gentle, yet serious. He really wants to know.
“Everyone in there will think I’m having sex.”
He stares at me. “Yeah, so?”
“But I’m not. I feel like a…fraud.”
“Audrey,” he says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. The motion soothes me. “No one in there cares about you. Do you think about why people are buying certain foods at the grocery store? It’s the same thing.”
“It’s not,” I tell him, but I know I’m being stupid. “Fine. Let’s get this over with.”
We enter the store and I can feel my eyes pop wide open. Graham glances over and smiles. “You’re a mess,” he laughs.
“What do you even do with that?” I’ve stopped to stare at what looks like a small statue of a baby. “Is that Jesus?”
“Ah,” Graham says, picking up the package. “That appears to be a butt plug baby Jesus.”
“ A what?”
“You know a butt plug, for your um…” He makes a gesture.
“Out of a baby Jesus? Stop it. That is so wrong.”
He shakes his head and replaces the package . “Well, good thing we’re not here for that. Let’s go check out the wall of dildos.”
“Ugh.” We pass baskets of lubricant, edible panties, and several blow-up dolls. Toward the back is a huge display of personal devices . All shapes, colors and sizes. “Oooh!” I cry, grabbing one with rhinestones covering the sides. “So pretty.”
Graham takes it from me. “I don’t think that’s quite what you’re looking for.”
I eye the shelves and pretend I’m not about to burst into flames just being in the boutique. “To be honest? They all look so…big.”
He takes my hand and rubs his thumb over mine. He’s being very touchy; but then again, so far, our relationship is based on touch and his movements calm me. God, he’s turned me into one of Pavlov’s dogs. One touch and I’m drooling with complacency. “I imagine that it’s overwhelming for you. Let’s just get something very basic. No bumps or ridges or spikey things.”
I gulp. “Spikey things?”
“How about this one,” he says;
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