not to watch them, but I can’t help myself. According to Principal Geddy, tomorrow we’ll be out there. With them.
I want to go back to Cody’s house and shut myself up in his sister’s room and try to make sense of this day, but I can’t. I have a counseling session with my parents in less than an hour. My headache goes from bad to almost unbearable.
Mrs. Ward gathers up the last of our tests and we start collecting our coats and lining up by the double doors.
“What do you think about this place? About today?” Will says as he comes up beside me. He has his coat on. His hands are in his pockets like they’re already cold.
“I have no idea,” I say honestly, and his mouth turns up a little.
“I think it sucked … truly.” He makes a face and I can’t help smiling back at him.
Heather and Julie are watching us from the front of the line. Heather raises an eyebrow and the side of her mouth curves up. She whispers in Julie’s ear. They both stare atus with unmistakable approval. Julie starts humming that creepy song again, loudly enough for me to hear; this time the tune is extra cheery. There’s an unspoken “I knew it was only a matter of time” to the tone.
“So how’s your new place?” I ask Will in a voice loud enough to drown out her humming.
“Not like home,” he says.
Will and I squeeze through one side of the library’s double doors. We haven’t been this close since the night we snuck out of the Community and danced together down by the river. My nose bumps his chest, right above his heart. I breathe in sharply. It only takes a second to realize that Will doesn’t smell like summertime or the fields beyond Mandrodage Meadows the way he used to. He just smells like soap and boy. That familiar scent is gone—like so many other things. Out of nowhere my eyes fill with tears. They fill up so unexpectedly and fast that I can’t keep the tears from spilling out and running down my cheeks.
There goes Taylor’s carefully applied makeup and my vow to never cry here
, is all I can think as the tears run off my face and onto my shirt. My nose starts to run and my chest aches and then all of it—this day, this moment, all that I’ve lost—overwhelms me. I can’t move.
Will’s already through the door, but when I don’t keep up, he turns back toward me. He notices that I’m crying right away. I open my mouth to explain, but he shushes me. “It’s okay, I get it. Man, do I get it,” he says softly, hishand coming up to touch my cheek. His eyes are rimmed in red and he swallows hard. “This … it’s not easy.”
I nod. He will always get me in a way that no one else can. It’s sad and somehow comforting all at the same time.
Will’s hand lingers for a moment on my cheek.
“Lyla?” It’s Cody. He’s walking up the hallway, his eyes on Will’s hand and my face, still wet with tears. “What happened?”
Will lets his hand drop. His eyes grow distant. He rounds on Cody. “I don’t know, maybe it’s the weird way your friends welcomed us or maybe it’s having to start her whole life over from scratch. What did you expect, for her to just blend right in?”
I don’t want Will to speak for me, especially not to Cody. “I’m fine, I just had a moment there,” I say, and stand between them. Neither boy looks convinced. I wipe my face. “I’m fine, really, it’s just the day was … weird.”
I want to explain, to help Cody understand, but I can’t and so I have to hope that he’ll get it enough to not be mad that I was so close to Will a second ago. Besides, how do I explain that Will’s lack of summertime smell felt like one more death in a long line of them and it was just more than I could take? Cody wants me to be happy here with him. And I want to be that. Happy. I
need
to be. Otherwise, all that’s happened was for nothing.
Cody steps closer to me. His hands are in his pockets, his backpack slung over one shoulder. He stares at Will. Will stares
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