As I Am

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Authors: AnnaLisa Grant
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hear the sounds of someone getting sick behind a tree.
    “Ahhh,” we hear the girl’s voice sound. “I want to die.”
    “Hey … you need some help?” I ask as we approach her.
    “Tiffany?” Cal says and I recognize her as the girl I’ve seen him with a few times today. She’s a pretty girl with long strawberry -blonde hair and a petite frame.
    “Oh, Cal …” she manages before she hurls again.
    I pull a small rag I keep in my camera bag to wipe off everything from my camera to an object I’m shooting. “Here,” I say as I hand it to Cal. He hands it to Tiffany and she wipes her mouth off.
    “Okay, let’s get you back to Gateway and you can sleep it off. Lucky for you we don’t have to be anywhere until lunch tomorrow,” he chuckles.
    “Oh, god, don’t say lunch,” she moans.
    With that, Cal scoops Tiffany up in his arms like the featherweight that she is and carries her back to her cabin, I shove down feelings of complete and total inadequacy and reason that his ability or inability to pick me up the same way has no bearing on wherever our relationship goes.
    “I’m going to get her settled. Hopefully she doesn’t have a top bunk,” Cal jokes as we approach Gateway Cabin. Most everyone has gone in for the night, not to go to sleep, but to take the party indoors. It gets pretty chilly in the evenings out here and no one really knows how to maintain the bonfire. I took my cardigan off while Cal and I were climbing around on rocks so I could get some great pictures and now I’m feeling the chill.
    “Right, well … I guess I’ll see you later then,” I say, sure I should be saying something other than that. “Oh, you might want to have a chat with Tiffany about over doing it. The Fellows’ trust us not to go overboard.”
    “ Got it,” he says with a nod. “I had fun with you tonight, Kinley. Thanks for letting me help you with the pictures. It was cool to get an insider’s view to what you do.” Cal smiles and I look at him holding this beautiful, albeit drunk, girl in his arms. “I’ll catch you tomorrow at lunch?”
    “Sounds good. Goodnight.”
    “’Night.”
    Cal turns and heads down the path to the front door of Gateway Cabin and is inside before I can even turn around myself.
    “Well, that was interesting,” I say to myself. Wait. He’ll see me tomorrow at lunch? How long does it take to get one drunken, passed-out girl into bed? Stop obsessing, Kinley!
    I shift my camera bag on my shoulder and walk up the steps to The Lodge, not letting my mind wander into speculative places.
    My friends all seem to be here in the common room. I avoid making eye contact with anyone and go directly upstairs to put my camera away. I don’t feel like taking anymore pictures tonight. I’m tired and even contemplate if I’m going to go back downstairs.
    Sitting on the edge of my bed , I take my sandals off and consider my options. I could put my pajamas on and load the pictures I took today onto my laptop, ripping them to shreds for how much better they could be. Of course, I’ll have to explain to Addy why I didn’t want to be social. Or, I could go downstairs and just hang out like a normal person.
    Alright. Normal person, it is.
    Leaving everything where it is, I walk downstairs and go straight to the kitchen for a drink. Not a drink drink , but something with the purpose of actually quenching thirst. The Fellows stock our fridges with sodas so we have something cold to drink when we arrive. Snacks and unauthorized contraband beverages are on our own. The Fellows have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, but like I told Cal to remind Tiffany, we don’t go overboard. I’m not really a drinker. Addy says I’m a goodie-goodie, but her tone changes from condescending to appreciative when she’s sloshed and needs a ride home.
    I walk past a group of newbies and pull a cold individual bottle of soda from the fridge. Opening it , I take a sip and replace the cap as I move into the

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