Read Online Armageddon Rules by J. C. Nelson - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: J. C. Nelson
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know which is which?”
“I’m glad you asked.” I unwrapped the cracker and held it over the tank. Most of the frogs dove for the bottom in fear, but four of them floated near the top, beady little eyes fixed on me. I held my hand closer and all but one opened its mouth.
Beth clapped her hands. “I get it! Frogs eat flies, but those are willing to eat crackers, so you know they were once human!”
“Hardly.” I scooped the four up and dumped them into the bag in one motion. “There are two key things that tell you I’ve got three princes and probably a businessman who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. First off, they weren’t afraid when I came up to the tank. That means they’re too stupid to have lived in the wild. Secondly, three of them opened their mouths when I offered them food, meaning they’re so lazy they can’t even be bothered to flick a tongue. They feel entitled to be fed by hand. Lastly, they’re dumb enough to eat something that would kill them. Stupid, lazy, and entitled. That’s how you recognize a prince.”
I walked over to the counter where the witch waited and took out my company card. I wanted Beth to see this. “Time to pay.” I tapped the card and it changed into a glass vial filled with glowing gold dust. “This is Glitter. It’s the currency of magic, and while you’ll need plenty of green in the real world, you’ll need this to buy anything in Kingdom.”
I tapped the vial, and a swirl of Glitter ran from it onto the witch’s scales, exactly paying my bill. Not one speck more or less. Beth looked at the pile of dust with awe and wonder. “I don’t have any of that.”
“Exactly.” I nodded to the witch. “Thanks again, and have a good one.”
“Handmaiden,” said the witch, “have you used my gift to you?”
A few years ago she gave me a potion. A love potion, which I almost used and almost made a horrible mess of everything. I still had it, locked in a safe-deposit box in Grimm’s office. “I found love on my own, thanks.”
The witch nodded and smiled at me. “Then you are truly ready for our queen’s return.”
I took Beth and dragged her from the shop as fast as I could, running down the street outside so fast, I almost ran over a group of senior citizens tap-dancing with canes and walkers.
Beth came running after me. “What was that about?”
“She’s crazy. Obsessed with the idea that the Black Queen is going to come back.” I looked at my bag of shaken and stirred frogs. “I only go in there on business. Speaking of which, let’s head on over to the restaurant and talk money.”
* * *
WITH A STREAM of rats behind us, we entered the base of the building that led to the Mile High Club and waited for the elevator. Places like that were posh enough to afford separate up and down elevators. The up ones only go up, the down ones, well, you get the idea. While we waited, I began my pitch.
“You’re going to need to make a living. In time you’ll get enough control over your power that you won’t accidentally attract rats or teenagers. Then you’re going to need to decide how you are going to make money.”
“I need to eat,” said Beth. This was a somewhat obvious statement, since Beth was both skeleton thin and not likely to stop eating anytime soon.
“You do indeed. Ever been to a concert where it seemed like only one of the band members could play, and everyone else had taken music lessons by mail? Yet their concerts sold out and people lined up to hear them?”
Her eyes lit up with understanding.
“So I have to ask, Beth. How interested are you in being beheaded?”
It took her a moment to be sure she heard me right, and a moment longer to figure out how to answer that question. She narrowed her eyes. “Not at all.”
“Well, in that case, I need to give you a few ground rules. Pipe teenage boys to music concerts? No problem. Authorities will smile, people will love you. Pipe adult men to follow you to war
“I’m glad you asked.” I unwrapped the cracker and held it over the tank. Most of the frogs dove for the bottom in fear, but four of them floated near the top, beady little eyes fixed on me. I held my hand closer and all but one opened its mouth.
Beth clapped her hands. “I get it! Frogs eat flies, but those are willing to eat crackers, so you know they were once human!”
“Hardly.” I scooped the four up and dumped them into the bag in one motion. “There are two key things that tell you I’ve got three princes and probably a businessman who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. First off, they weren’t afraid when I came up to the tank. That means they’re too stupid to have lived in the wild. Secondly, three of them opened their mouths when I offered them food, meaning they’re so lazy they can’t even be bothered to flick a tongue. They feel entitled to be fed by hand. Lastly, they’re dumb enough to eat something that would kill them. Stupid, lazy, and entitled. That’s how you recognize a prince.”
I walked over to the counter where the witch waited and took out my company card. I wanted Beth to see this. “Time to pay.” I tapped the card and it changed into a glass vial filled with glowing gold dust. “This is Glitter. It’s the currency of magic, and while you’ll need plenty of green in the real world, you’ll need this to buy anything in Kingdom.”
I tapped the vial, and a swirl of Glitter ran from it onto the witch’s scales, exactly paying my bill. Not one speck more or less. Beth looked at the pile of dust with awe and wonder. “I don’t have any of that.”
“Exactly.” I nodded to the witch. “Thanks again, and have a good one.”
“Handmaiden,” said the witch, “have you used my gift to you?”
A few years ago she gave me a potion. A love potion, which I almost used and almost made a horrible mess of everything. I still had it, locked in a safe-deposit box in Grimm’s office. “I found love on my own, thanks.”
The witch nodded and smiled at me. “Then you are truly ready for our queen’s return.”
I took Beth and dragged her from the shop as fast as I could, running down the street outside so fast, I almost ran over a group of senior citizens tap-dancing with canes and walkers.
Beth came running after me. “What was that about?”
“She’s crazy. Obsessed with the idea that the Black Queen is going to come back.” I looked at my bag of shaken and stirred frogs. “I only go in there on business. Speaking of which, let’s head on over to the restaurant and talk money.”
* * *
WITH A STREAM of rats behind us, we entered the base of the building that led to the Mile High Club and waited for the elevator. Places like that were posh enough to afford separate up and down elevators. The up ones only go up, the down ones, well, you get the idea. While we waited, I began my pitch.
“You’re going to need to make a living. In time you’ll get enough control over your power that you won’t accidentally attract rats or teenagers. Then you’re going to need to decide how you are going to make money.”
“I need to eat,” said Beth. This was a somewhat obvious statement, since Beth was both skeleton thin and not likely to stop eating anytime soon.
“You do indeed. Ever been to a concert where it seemed like only one of the band members could play, and everyone else had taken music lessons by mail? Yet their concerts sold out and people lined up to hear them?”
Her eyes lit up with understanding.
“So I have to ask, Beth. How interested are you in being beheaded?”
It took her a moment to be sure she heard me right, and a moment longer to figure out how to answer that question. She narrowed her eyes. “Not at all.”
“Well, in that case, I need to give you a few ground rules. Pipe teenage boys to music concerts? No problem. Authorities will smile, people will love you. Pipe adult men to follow you to war
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