Read Online Are We Live? by Marion Appleby - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Marion Appleby
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to take this opportunity now live on television to say, Jo, get the fuck out of my life!’
However, despite realistic onscreen graphics and some pretty good acting from the show’s real presenters, Taylor later confessed that the whole thing had been a set-up. It was in fact part of an elaborate series of pranks for Australian comedy series The Chaser’s War on Everything .
‘Television: teacher, mother, secret lover.’
HOMER SIMPSON
Is that it?
During a sports report on Australia’s Ten News at Five , news anchor Belinda Heggen delivered a low blow when she mocked the size of her co-anchor’s manhood.
After footage was shown of English cricketer Andrew Strauss proudly showing off what looked to be the world’s smallest trophy, co-anchor Mark Aiston said, ‘Belinda, I just can’t understand how something so small can be so impressive.’ To which she replied, ‘Well, Mark, you would know about that.’ She gamely carried on presenting, while Mark no doubt wept inside.
‘Television: chewing gum for the eyes.’
ARCHITECT FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT
BODILY DYSFUNCTION
LETTING LOOSE
When you’re in a tense situation, sometimes your brain goes into anxiety mode: What if my hand does that funny, flappy thing? What if my leg won’t stop jigging up and down? Oh, God, OH, GOD, what if I fart? Make no mistake – this is not idle paranoia. People really do fart on live television. And throw up. And sometimes they even wee. But that’s mostly the animals.
The Demon Drink
Two things it’s best not to combine: copious amounts of alcohol and live television. It will only end in disaster.
Propped up
‘[While] doing a piece to camera on the Greek island where Shirley Valentine was filmed …we grabbed a bottle of retsina as a prop and off we went. The only problem was that each take was spoiled by something …But each time I had already taken a slug of retsina needed for the shot. Eventually, it was just me cocking up. I had to be helped off the beach.’
Former GMTV breakfast show host Penny Smith
on the perils of drinking on camera
‘If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.’
COMEDIAN JOEY ADAMS
In denial
Reality TV show The Club – in which three celebrities were each given control of a bar in a London club – aired in the UK in 2003 for just six weeks. In that short time it still provided us with one of TV’s most uncomfortable moments: a clearly drunk veteran glamour model Samantha Fox (who also happened to be dressed up as a vampire) vehemently denying her state of intoxication during a live interview with her on-screen employee Steve.
Wide-eyed and slurring her words, Fox’s defence to the accusation that she was drunk was that she’s an actress playing the part of a drunk – ‘I don’t need to be drunk to be like this. I’m like this at nine a clock in the morning!’ Just a few moments later she called Steve ‘an arsehole’ and claimed, ‘I don’t even drink.’ Her clearly incensed employee then proclaimed, ‘[You] lying cow …I’ve served you drinks!’ Despite Steve’s trump card, Fox still managed to grab the last word to Steve: ‘It’s a shame about your little knob, innit?’
URBAN LEGENDS
The myths of live broadcast debunked
Erik Hartman, the host of a Flemish daytime talk show, was once unable to continue interviewing his guests due to a massive fit of the giggles during a discussion on ‘medical mistakes’. Hartman’s laughing fit appeared to have been provoked by two vocally challenged guests: the first of whom had an incredibly high-pitched voice caused by a recent, botched tonsillectomy; the second of whom sported a low, robotic voice due to his use of an electronic speech device that had been fitted after a laryngectomy.
However, despite over 10 million hits on YouTube and an outing on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno , the chat show was in fact faked. The sketch had been
However, despite realistic onscreen graphics and some pretty good acting from the show’s real presenters, Taylor later confessed that the whole thing had been a set-up. It was in fact part of an elaborate series of pranks for Australian comedy series The Chaser’s War on Everything .
‘Television: teacher, mother, secret lover.’
HOMER SIMPSON
Is that it?
During a sports report on Australia’s Ten News at Five , news anchor Belinda Heggen delivered a low blow when she mocked the size of her co-anchor’s manhood.
After footage was shown of English cricketer Andrew Strauss proudly showing off what looked to be the world’s smallest trophy, co-anchor Mark Aiston said, ‘Belinda, I just can’t understand how something so small can be so impressive.’ To which she replied, ‘Well, Mark, you would know about that.’ She gamely carried on presenting, while Mark no doubt wept inside.
‘Television: chewing gum for the eyes.’
ARCHITECT FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT
BODILY DYSFUNCTION
LETTING LOOSE
When you’re in a tense situation, sometimes your brain goes into anxiety mode: What if my hand does that funny, flappy thing? What if my leg won’t stop jigging up and down? Oh, God, OH, GOD, what if I fart? Make no mistake – this is not idle paranoia. People really do fart on live television. And throw up. And sometimes they even wee. But that’s mostly the animals.
The Demon Drink
Two things it’s best not to combine: copious amounts of alcohol and live television. It will only end in disaster.
Propped up
‘[While] doing a piece to camera on the Greek island where Shirley Valentine was filmed …we grabbed a bottle of retsina as a prop and off we went. The only problem was that each take was spoiled by something …But each time I had already taken a slug of retsina needed for the shot. Eventually, it was just me cocking up. I had to be helped off the beach.’
Former GMTV breakfast show host Penny Smith
on the perils of drinking on camera
‘If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.’
COMEDIAN JOEY ADAMS
In denial
Reality TV show The Club – in which three celebrities were each given control of a bar in a London club – aired in the UK in 2003 for just six weeks. In that short time it still provided us with one of TV’s most uncomfortable moments: a clearly drunk veteran glamour model Samantha Fox (who also happened to be dressed up as a vampire) vehemently denying her state of intoxication during a live interview with her on-screen employee Steve.
Wide-eyed and slurring her words, Fox’s defence to the accusation that she was drunk was that she’s an actress playing the part of a drunk – ‘I don’t need to be drunk to be like this. I’m like this at nine a clock in the morning!’ Just a few moments later she called Steve ‘an arsehole’ and claimed, ‘I don’t even drink.’ Her clearly incensed employee then proclaimed, ‘[You] lying cow …I’ve served you drinks!’ Despite Steve’s trump card, Fox still managed to grab the last word to Steve: ‘It’s a shame about your little knob, innit?’
URBAN LEGENDS
The myths of live broadcast debunked
Erik Hartman, the host of a Flemish daytime talk show, was once unable to continue interviewing his guests due to a massive fit of the giggles during a discussion on ‘medical mistakes’. Hartman’s laughing fit appeared to have been provoked by two vocally challenged guests: the first of whom had an incredibly high-pitched voice caused by a recent, botched tonsillectomy; the second of whom sported a low, robotic voice due to his use of an electronic speech device that had been fitted after a laryngectomy.
However, despite over 10 million hits on YouTube and an outing on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno , the chat show was in fact faked. The sketch had been
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