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Authors: Peter Trachtenberg
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teamâs T-shirt. I donât think we knew yet that he was only six, but still it struck me that he was just a little boy who might be away from home for the first time in his life. The night yawning around the house was so much darker than the
night he was used to, and alive with digestive chirps and gulps and stridulations. But the cat had come to him. F. told him it was because Bitey was a good judge of character. I beamed at her. Weâd done good.
Of course, this was usually my bedroom, so Bitey was used to sleeping in it, and if she lay down on Wilfredoâs cot instead of on the bed with Cedric, it may have been because she was drawn to the younger boyâs particular smell of hot dogs, ketchup, bug spray, and bath soap, with a faint, interesting undernote of piss.
Â
Back when I was teaching comp in grad school and despairing over the blandness of the suggested essay topics, I hit on having students write about their last girlfriend or boyfriend. They had to begin by telling how theyâd met, what had attracted them to the other person, and the kinds of things theyâd enjoyed doing together (I didnât tell them that they couldnât write about sex, but nobody ever did). In the concluding paragraphs, they had to draw on those examples to define what makes a good girlfriend or boyfriend. I still remember some of the kidsâ responses:
Â
To me, a good boyfriend is somebody who cares.
Someone who thinks Iâm special.
She makes me feel like Iâm important.
I can have a good time with him.
No one in my recollection said anything about love. This may be due to the same reticence that kept the kids from writing about sex (unless thatâs what the last author meant by âa good timeâ). Maybe they thought it was creepy of me to even
be asking them about their girlfriends and boyfriends. But maybe they already knew that love has about as much to do with what makes someone a good girlfriend or boyfriend as it does with what makes someone a good wife or husband, which is not a whole lot. More, in the second case, but even there the relation is not so much necessary as contingent.
Love is a feeling, and girlfriend or boyfriend, like wife or husband, is a function, or maybe a job; you could think of a date as a job interview. My students were trying to define the qualifications for that job the way personnel directors might mull over the requisite skill set of a CEO or a die-punch operator. You could argue with some parts of this analogy: employees, for one thing, usually get paid. But you choose the people you go out with the same way you choose the ones who work for you, down to the guy with a van you hire for a couple hours to move a bookcase. Thatâs why you find notices for both on Craigâs List:
Iâm hoping to find a man who is also educated, intelligent, healthy, a non-smoker, employed, enjoys travel, culture and trying new things and who too wants companionship, friendship and hopefully ultimately a LTR. I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week and hope you are also fit and take care of yourself. If you are looking for a FWB, hook up, fling, or NSA relationship than I am definitely not the woman for you. So if you think you might be what Iâm looking for, please say hello and tell me about yourself.
Â
We all want the same thing. That person that will care for us, listen, comfort us, make us feel special, never
hurt us, accept us for who we are, and basically love us unconditionally until the end of time. We want a friend, a lover, a companion because no one wants to grow old alone. We need that person who will nudge us when weâre sleeping and stop breathing so we donât wake up dead (lol).
Â
So, Iâve found a great house to buy. Now I just need a man to share it with. Man must:
1. Have a retirement plan.
2. Believe in aliens.
3. Be comfortable in most any social situation.
Whatâs striking about these ads is the way they
night he was used to, and alive with digestive chirps and gulps and stridulations. But the cat had come to him. F. told him it was because Bitey was a good judge of character. I beamed at her. Weâd done good.
Of course, this was usually my bedroom, so Bitey was used to sleeping in it, and if she lay down on Wilfredoâs cot instead of on the bed with Cedric, it may have been because she was drawn to the younger boyâs particular smell of hot dogs, ketchup, bug spray, and bath soap, with a faint, interesting undernote of piss.
Â
Back when I was teaching comp in grad school and despairing over the blandness of the suggested essay topics, I hit on having students write about their last girlfriend or boyfriend. They had to begin by telling how theyâd met, what had attracted them to the other person, and the kinds of things theyâd enjoyed doing together (I didnât tell them that they couldnât write about sex, but nobody ever did). In the concluding paragraphs, they had to draw on those examples to define what makes a good girlfriend or boyfriend. I still remember some of the kidsâ responses:
Â
To me, a good boyfriend is somebody who cares.
Someone who thinks Iâm special.
She makes me feel like Iâm important.
I can have a good time with him.
No one in my recollection said anything about love. This may be due to the same reticence that kept the kids from writing about sex (unless thatâs what the last author meant by âa good timeâ). Maybe they thought it was creepy of me to even
be asking them about their girlfriends and boyfriends. But maybe they already knew that love has about as much to do with what makes someone a good girlfriend or boyfriend as it does with what makes someone a good wife or husband, which is not a whole lot. More, in the second case, but even there the relation is not so much necessary as contingent.
Love is a feeling, and girlfriend or boyfriend, like wife or husband, is a function, or maybe a job; you could think of a date as a job interview. My students were trying to define the qualifications for that job the way personnel directors might mull over the requisite skill set of a CEO or a die-punch operator. You could argue with some parts of this analogy: employees, for one thing, usually get paid. But you choose the people you go out with the same way you choose the ones who work for you, down to the guy with a van you hire for a couple hours to move a bookcase. Thatâs why you find notices for both on Craigâs List:
Iâm hoping to find a man who is also educated, intelligent, healthy, a non-smoker, employed, enjoys travel, culture and trying new things and who too wants companionship, friendship and hopefully ultimately a LTR. I go to the gym 4 to 5 times a week and hope you are also fit and take care of yourself. If you are looking for a FWB, hook up, fling, or NSA relationship than I am definitely not the woman for you. So if you think you might be what Iâm looking for, please say hello and tell me about yourself.
Â
We all want the same thing. That person that will care for us, listen, comfort us, make us feel special, never
hurt us, accept us for who we are, and basically love us unconditionally until the end of time. We want a friend, a lover, a companion because no one wants to grow old alone. We need that person who will nudge us when weâre sleeping and stop breathing so we donât wake up dead (lol).
Â
So, Iâve found a great house to buy. Now I just need a man to share it with. Man must:
1. Have a retirement plan.
2. Believe in aliens.
3. Be comfortable in most any social situation.
Whatâs striking about these ads is the way they
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