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Authors: Daria Snadowsky
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―love‖ as if there were a peanut shell stuck in his throat, but just hearing the word instantly causes me to stop crying, as if I‘m having an epiphany.
Until now, for some reason, it has never occurred to me I might actually love Wes. I knew I really, really liked him and wanted to date him, but it seems illogical that I could love a boy I‘ve spent only a few hours alone with, especially when I‘m not sure about his feelings for me. On the other hand, I do want to be with him every minute, and I‘m always going out of my way to do nice things for him, and the thought of his not wanting me makes me cry.
I guess I do love him. A lot.
I nod.
―Hmmm…Well, it‘s a pisser your first time‘s not a happy one, but you don‘t need a boyfriend right now, anyway. Just like you shouldn‘t commit to a career too early, you shouldn‘t commit to a guy so young.‖
I don‘t say anything and lean against him a few more minutes. Eventually I mumble, ―I promised Mom I‘d clean up the kitchen before she gets back. I‘d better go do that.‖
―Go ahead, but keep your chin up. You never know what tomorrow will bring.‖
As I‘m wiping off the countertops I start to feel rejuvenated. Dad‘s right. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, which is all the more reason not to rule out Wes. Even though I met him just a couple months ago, I feel more deeply for him than anyone else I‘ve known for years.
Truth be told, Wes is the first thing in my life I‘ve ever felt totally, completely, and viscerally passionate about and want to devote every hour of my day to. I know that sounds off the wall, but I never knew I could be this into something, or someone. What‘s more, I‘ve worked hard for everything I‘ve ever earned in the past, be it good grades or SAT scores. I owe it to myself to work just as hard to win Wes‘s heart. Even Emily Dickinson wrote, ―To love is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.‖
I rush to my room, turn on my computer, and allow the adrenaline to ooze from my fingertips as I compose my most personal e-mail yet, just short of declaring my eternal love. I write Wes that I‘m so grateful for his friendship because he‘s the most interesting and talented guy I‘ve ever met. I say a day isn‘t complete when I don‘t hear from him, and a week is empty if I don‘t see him at least once. I finish by telling him he‘s one of the closest friends I‘ve ever had, but in my heart I‘m wondering if he could be even more than that.
I opt not to proofread because I don‘t want to give myself the chance to edit down my emotions.
I pressSEND , inhale deeply, and resume writing my English paper with vigor. Of course, I still manage to check e-mail every three minutes for Wes‘s response.
12
I t never comes.
Obviously, he doesn‘t want me as a girlfriend, and I had to push it. I think about writing him another e-mail telling him I‘m okay with being just friends, but I know that would be a lie. I should be relieved, though. Now I have more time to ponder really important things, like current events. A huge segment of the world‘s population is dying of starvation, disease, natural disasters, and war. With all this tragedy happening around me, how can I justify being upset over somebody as trivial as a sprinter on EFM‘s track team? Anyway, it‘s not like Wes and I are breaking up. We‘ve just stopped being friends.
On the second day of no reply, I ask Dad to time me as I play Operation in a feeble attempt to rekindle my interest in medicine and forget about Wes, even if just for a few seconds. But my hands are shaking so much I can‘t even tweeze out one piece without sounding the buzzer. I never realized before that this red-nosed patient is suffering from unrequited love too. He has a butterfly in his stomach, and his plastic heart is broken. My God, I‘m actually identifying with the man in Operation. How much lower can I go?
On the third day, I
Until now, for some reason, it has never occurred to me I might actually love Wes. I knew I really, really liked him and wanted to date him, but it seems illogical that I could love a boy I‘ve spent only a few hours alone with, especially when I‘m not sure about his feelings for me. On the other hand, I do want to be with him every minute, and I‘m always going out of my way to do nice things for him, and the thought of his not wanting me makes me cry.
I guess I do love him. A lot.
I nod.
―Hmmm…Well, it‘s a pisser your first time‘s not a happy one, but you don‘t need a boyfriend right now, anyway. Just like you shouldn‘t commit to a career too early, you shouldn‘t commit to a guy so young.‖
I don‘t say anything and lean against him a few more minutes. Eventually I mumble, ―I promised Mom I‘d clean up the kitchen before she gets back. I‘d better go do that.‖
―Go ahead, but keep your chin up. You never know what tomorrow will bring.‖
As I‘m wiping off the countertops I start to feel rejuvenated. Dad‘s right. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, which is all the more reason not to rule out Wes. Even though I met him just a couple months ago, I feel more deeply for him than anyone else I‘ve known for years.
Truth be told, Wes is the first thing in my life I‘ve ever felt totally, completely, and viscerally passionate about and want to devote every hour of my day to. I know that sounds off the wall, but I never knew I could be this into something, or someone. What‘s more, I‘ve worked hard for everything I‘ve ever earned in the past, be it good grades or SAT scores. I owe it to myself to work just as hard to win Wes‘s heart. Even Emily Dickinson wrote, ―To love is so startling it leaves little time for anything else.‖
I rush to my room, turn on my computer, and allow the adrenaline to ooze from my fingertips as I compose my most personal e-mail yet, just short of declaring my eternal love. I write Wes that I‘m so grateful for his friendship because he‘s the most interesting and talented guy I‘ve ever met. I say a day isn‘t complete when I don‘t hear from him, and a week is empty if I don‘t see him at least once. I finish by telling him he‘s one of the closest friends I‘ve ever had, but in my heart I‘m wondering if he could be even more than that.
I opt not to proofread because I don‘t want to give myself the chance to edit down my emotions.
I pressSEND , inhale deeply, and resume writing my English paper with vigor. Of course, I still manage to check e-mail every three minutes for Wes‘s response.
12
I t never comes.
Obviously, he doesn‘t want me as a girlfriend, and I had to push it. I think about writing him another e-mail telling him I‘m okay with being just friends, but I know that would be a lie. I should be relieved, though. Now I have more time to ponder really important things, like current events. A huge segment of the world‘s population is dying of starvation, disease, natural disasters, and war. With all this tragedy happening around me, how can I justify being upset over somebody as trivial as a sprinter on EFM‘s track team? Anyway, it‘s not like Wes and I are breaking up. We‘ve just stopped being friends.
On the second day of no reply, I ask Dad to time me as I play Operation in a feeble attempt to rekindle my interest in medicine and forget about Wes, even if just for a few seconds. But my hands are shaking so much I can‘t even tweeze out one piece without sounding the buzzer. I never realized before that this red-nosed patient is suffering from unrequited love too. He has a butterfly in his stomach, and his plastic heart is broken. My God, I‘m actually identifying with the man in Operation. How much lower can I go?
On the third day, I
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