Read Online Almost Friends by Philip Gulley - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Philip Gulley
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knocking on his door. Dale answered the door in his pajamas, studying the booklet of instructions from his computer.
“Hey, Sam. Boy, this is the craziest thing,” he said, scratching his head. “I know I changed my computer from AM to AM . At least I thought I did. Oh well, just gonna have to keep on trying. Guess that’s all we can do. Besides, you know what Paul wrote in his letter to the Hebrews.”
“It’s a lengthy letter,” Sam said. “Perhaps you could be more specific.”
“‘Run with perseverance the race that is set before us.’ We gotta keep persevering.”
“Dale, I know you mean well, and don’t think I don’t appreciate your efforts to help our meeting grow, but you’ve got to stop. You’re making the whole town mad at us. No one’s going to come to our church after this.”
Dale began to protest, but Sam held up his hand. “Dale, I’m not going to argue with you. You’re doing this in the name of the church, and it must stop. If you don’t, I’m going to call the elders and have them speak with you.”
“Well, that’s a fine thing,” Dale said. “Somebody in our church finally starts preaching the gospel, and you’re gonna have the elders make ’em stop. That’s a fine how-do-you-do.”
“If you don’t like it, you can always attend another church,” Sam said.
It had taken him six years to invite Dale to worship elsewhere, and saying it out loud, instead of muttering it under his breath in private, felt pleasantly liberating.
“And if I left, who would head up our Evangelism Committee?” Dale asked. “Harvey Muldock? Ellis Hodge? I don’t think so. They’re nice guys, but they don’t have the heart for the gospel like I do. No, Sam, I can’t leave now. The meeting needs me.”
I will have to kill him, Sam thought to himself. It’s the only way to be shed of him. Drown him in the bathtub. Loadhis body in the car trunk and throw him in the river. Maybe Frank can help me. A smile crossed his face.
Dale broke Sam’s reverie. “Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll get it right this time. You just go do your ministry and I’ll do mine, and the Lord’ll bless us both.” And with that, Dale closed the door.
Though Sam didn’t think it was possible, the day turned out worse than the one before. Wherever Sam went, he was greeted with open hostility and threats of lawsuits. Two members turned in their membership, and Miriam Hodge, a pacifist to the core, stopped by the office to inform Sam one of his parishioners was in jeopardy. “I’m telling you this now, so you can visit him in the hospital. I’m going to hit Dale Hinshaw squarely in the nose, and I’m not stopping until he’s down.”
Sam counseled forgiveness and tolerance, but Miriam could tell he was insincere, that he wanted, more than anything else, to clean Dale’s clock too.
She had brought a copy of the Quaker Faith and Practice with her. “Do you realize there is a glaring omission in our book of order?” she asked Sam. “Nowhere does it say we can kick Dale Hinshaw out of the church.”
“I suggested to him that he worship elsewhere,” Sam said.
“How’d he take that?
“He said he could never desert the meeting, that we needed him too badly.”
“If I weren’t so mad at him, I’d be touched by his loyalty,” Miriam said. “Right now, I just want to wrap my handsaround that skinny little neck of his, right above his Adam’s apple, and squeeze for all I’m worth.”
They sat quietly, contemplating the ethereal beauty of such a circumstance.
“Well,” Sam said after a bit, “we can’t very well do that now, can we?”
“Probably not,” Miriam conceded.
“It’s times like these that test our Christian charity,” Sam pointed out.
“You’re absolutely right. I must do better,” Miriam said, standing to leave. “Thank you for reminding me of my Christian duty.”
Which isn’t to say she still didn’t want to choke Dale, just that she knew it would be wrong.
After
“Hey, Sam. Boy, this is the craziest thing,” he said, scratching his head. “I know I changed my computer from AM to AM . At least I thought I did. Oh well, just gonna have to keep on trying. Guess that’s all we can do. Besides, you know what Paul wrote in his letter to the Hebrews.”
“It’s a lengthy letter,” Sam said. “Perhaps you could be more specific.”
“‘Run with perseverance the race that is set before us.’ We gotta keep persevering.”
“Dale, I know you mean well, and don’t think I don’t appreciate your efforts to help our meeting grow, but you’ve got to stop. You’re making the whole town mad at us. No one’s going to come to our church after this.”
Dale began to protest, but Sam held up his hand. “Dale, I’m not going to argue with you. You’re doing this in the name of the church, and it must stop. If you don’t, I’m going to call the elders and have them speak with you.”
“Well, that’s a fine thing,” Dale said. “Somebody in our church finally starts preaching the gospel, and you’re gonna have the elders make ’em stop. That’s a fine how-do-you-do.”
“If you don’t like it, you can always attend another church,” Sam said.
It had taken him six years to invite Dale to worship elsewhere, and saying it out loud, instead of muttering it under his breath in private, felt pleasantly liberating.
“And if I left, who would head up our Evangelism Committee?” Dale asked. “Harvey Muldock? Ellis Hodge? I don’t think so. They’re nice guys, but they don’t have the heart for the gospel like I do. No, Sam, I can’t leave now. The meeting needs me.”
I will have to kill him, Sam thought to himself. It’s the only way to be shed of him. Drown him in the bathtub. Loadhis body in the car trunk and throw him in the river. Maybe Frank can help me. A smile crossed his face.
Dale broke Sam’s reverie. “Don’t worry, Sam. I’ll get it right this time. You just go do your ministry and I’ll do mine, and the Lord’ll bless us both.” And with that, Dale closed the door.
Though Sam didn’t think it was possible, the day turned out worse than the one before. Wherever Sam went, he was greeted with open hostility and threats of lawsuits. Two members turned in their membership, and Miriam Hodge, a pacifist to the core, stopped by the office to inform Sam one of his parishioners was in jeopardy. “I’m telling you this now, so you can visit him in the hospital. I’m going to hit Dale Hinshaw squarely in the nose, and I’m not stopping until he’s down.”
Sam counseled forgiveness and tolerance, but Miriam could tell he was insincere, that he wanted, more than anything else, to clean Dale’s clock too.
She had brought a copy of the Quaker Faith and Practice with her. “Do you realize there is a glaring omission in our book of order?” she asked Sam. “Nowhere does it say we can kick Dale Hinshaw out of the church.”
“I suggested to him that he worship elsewhere,” Sam said.
“How’d he take that?
“He said he could never desert the meeting, that we needed him too badly.”
“If I weren’t so mad at him, I’d be touched by his loyalty,” Miriam said. “Right now, I just want to wrap my handsaround that skinny little neck of his, right above his Adam’s apple, and squeeze for all I’m worth.”
They sat quietly, contemplating the ethereal beauty of such a circumstance.
“Well,” Sam said after a bit, “we can’t very well do that now, can we?”
“Probably not,” Miriam conceded.
“It’s times like these that test our Christian charity,” Sam pointed out.
“You’re absolutely right. I must do better,” Miriam said, standing to leave. “Thank you for reminding me of my Christian duty.”
Which isn’t to say she still didn’t want to choke Dale, just that she knew it would be wrong.
After
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