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targets already and was currently first on the leaders’ table.
    â€˜Perhaps that would be more deadly,’ I joked.
    Rachel laughed. ‘Still, I managed to kill you.’
    â€˜And me,’ said Rogan, walking up to us. ‘Garrotted with a string of rosary beads. How did you die?’ He sat across from me, balancing a plate of food, and gave me a smile. Farmer boy Joad, whom Rachel had christened Toad, moved into the spare seat next to Michael.
    It was the first time Rogan had spoken to me and Kesh blushed on my behalf.
    â€˜Killed with the tip of a poisoned umbrella.’
    Rogan dipped his head with a nod of respect at Rachel and pulled in his chair. Our feet accidentally bumped under the table.
    â€˜How is that sexist?’ said Joyce. ‘It’s equal opportunity carnage.’
    â€˜I see it more as a metaphor for college relationships,’ said Rachel. ‘First we get to know each other, second we screw each other and then we kill each other.’
    â€˜At least the first two don’t sound so bad,’ said Rogan.
    â€˜What a coincidence. Pen would say the same thing. Maybe you two should get together and go bowling,’ said Rachel, giving me a sly sideways sort of glance. A nervous giggle escaped from Kesh and I pretended to be engrossed in my breakfast.
    â€˜Can I have one of your sausages?’ Rachel asked Toby.
    â€˜You certainly may not. I need to fuel myself up before my big weekend,’ said Toby. ‘There is a whole tray of them over there.’
    â€˜That bastard chef is watching me like a hawk. He won’t even let me have bacon at breakfast.’
    â€˜He’s not serving at the moment,’ said Rogan. ‘I think he’s unloading a delivery.’
    â€˜I am so desperate for meat,’ said Rachel, standing up. ‘I might even roast my next victim and eat them.’
    â€˜You’ve got to hand it to her, she gives good game,’ said Toby, getting up to make himself more toast. ‘If I wasn’t going to win the keg of beer for being the most successful serial killer, I’d put money on her.’
    Joad rolled his eyes but waited until Toby was out of earshot, before saying, ‘First prize is mine. I’m not going to be beaten by any loudmouth bitch or faggot.’ He had a distinctive nasal voice that cut through the general rumble. There was a ripple of uncertainty at the table, as people tried to pretend he was being ironic.
    â€˜And how do you kill people?’ Rogan asked.
    â€˜That Screwdriver Man has the right idea,’ Joad replied. ‘My next victim will have body parts sliced off with a sharp implement while she’s still alive and then bleed slowly to death in agonising pain. Here’s hoping it’s the Not-so-Quiet American.’
    Joad spoke with such relish that all conversation at the table disappeared, which was why when I eventually said, ‘Maybe Leiza has a point,’ quietly to Kesh, it seemed much louder.
    â€˜Who asked you, Holly Hobbie?’ Joad said. ‘Not wearing your pretty dress today, I see.’
    It was easy to hate Joad. Not even sitting across from Rogan was worth putting up with him. I got up from the table, my breakfast uneaten.
    â€˜You finished?’ Toby asked in surprise, as I walked past where he was charcoalling some bread.
    â€˜Stuff to do,’ I said. Putting my plate in the washing area, I heard, ‘Goodbye, Sister Wife,’ a parting remark from Joad. As I left the dining room, I thought of all the ways I could kill him.
    I was still running through my options when I reached the phones. There was a phone on each floor at college for incoming calls. Two pay phones outside the dining hall were for calling out. Rachel said she never bothered calling her mother in the United States because the queues were a nightmare. But I had to brave them today because it was my mother’s birthday.
    One of the cubicles had a sticky-taped