Read Online All the Things We Never Knew by Sheila Hamilton - Free Book Online Page B

people. No risk, no reward. David’s nature was that he would go to the end of the road and inevitably want to go further, like an Alice in his own wonderland. Truthfully, I too was curious about what was on the other side. I craved the intensity David yearned for during those wild explorations, and his moods, when high, were contagious. Holding onto the high of euphoria was impossible, and it made our inevitable fall that much harder.Two weeks later, back home from Salt Lake, I was driving home from the television station to have my dinner break with David and Sophie. A heavy rain turned to slush on the windshield, and then, just as quickly, into fat, sloppy snowflakes. Rushing home for dinner was my way of trying to hold things together—not because I feared losing David so much, but because I didn’t want Sophie to lose David. Would he stay in her life if we divorced? I could not say yes for certain. I couldn’t accurately plot the course of David’s day, let alone what might happen if we divorced. There was still so much about him I didn’t understand.
    I sat with the engine running in the driveway, watching the wipers wash over the flakes one, two, three times. We were doing better since the affair—weren’t we? The wipers thumped a steady beat to Fleetwood Mac, something from the Mirage album, the one with the album cover of Stevie Nicks and Christine McVie sandwiching Lindsey Buckingham, both women attempting to capture something that was already gone. The music sounded tired, as if the band was going through the motions. I clicked the radio off and went in through the side door.
    David was standing at the front door looking out on the falling snow. I set my briefcase on the kitchen counter and came from behind to hug his big back. I truly wanted to make it work.
    â€œHi, sweetheart,” I said. “Where’s Sophie?”
    â€œShe’s asleep,” he mumbled, staring straight ahead into the darkness. “I put her to bed early.”
    I checked my watch. “But it’s only six thirty. I really wanted to see her.”
    He stared out the window, not acknowledging me. “She was cranky.”
    I weighed my options. If I told him how important it was to keep Sophie up so that I could see her before bedtime, I’d have another fight on my hands. He was defensive about everything these days, especially Sophie’s care. “Isn’t it gorgeous?” I said instead, looking out at the snow.
    â€œWhat?” he turned abruptly, revealing a pen and paper in his hand. “What’s gorgeous? I can’t see anything gorgeous because I can’t hear myself THINK in this house. I can’t sit down in this house and read a book. I can’t even bear to look out the window because all I see and all I hear are those GODDAMN CARS!” His voice rose to a pitch that scared me. The blood vessels in his neck bulged, and his eyes darted to the window. There were no cars outside.
    I was stunned. I began to speak and then stopped myself, not knowing how to gauge this level of anger. I’d seen David upset before, but never like this, never about something so bizarre. We were a block away from a busy street. This was a side street, not a busy boulevard! It was a total overreaction, reminding me of something else that had changed recently. He had a heightened hypersensitivity to sound, to bright lights, to smells, to clothing that wasn’t organic cotton.
    â€œWhat do you mean, the cars?” I pointed toward the street. “I don’t know what you mean—David, are you okay?”
    He pointed his pen to his yellow pad. “This, these cars! I’ve counted every car that has come along in the last two hours. Twenty-seven cars! Twenty-seven fucking cars, with their bright lights and fucking loud engines racing to their fucking homes going forty miles per hour. I can’t THINK!”
    His face was red and splotchy, and he smelled of