Read Online All She Ever Wanted by Rosalind Noonan - Free Book Online Page B

cubicle to go to. The whole office scene with people to talk to. I want to commiserate with the other staff about the bad coffee and the weather. Chat about kids and in-laws and movies and TV shows. Buy bad candy bars for fundraisers and take people to lunch for their birthdays.”
    â€œPlease . . . I had to buy two chocolate bars last week for Mitch’s kid. They’re still sitting in my desk drawer.” He scratched the center of his forehead, where the creases formed when he worried. Annie had those creases, too, though Chelsea wondered what she could be worrying about. “But it will get better,” Leo promised.
    â€œI don’t want better. I want my old life back.”
    Without Annie.
    She couldn’t say it, but the unspeakable words buzzed in her subconscious.
    Without Annie.
    She longed for her life before the baby. She wanted to turn back time and get a major do over.
    â€œWow.” Leo looked down at the table. “I can’t imagine life without Annabelle anymore. The house would feel weird without her. You don’t think about it before you have a kid, but they just fill every minute. When you’re not doing something for them, you’re watching the stuff they do or trying to interpret their squeaks.”
    As Leo described the things Annabelle did that fascinated him, she ran her thumb over her water glass and tried to find the same enthusiasm in her soul. She wanted to love her baby. But when she searched inside . . . there was nothing but pain and resentment.
    â€œBut here’s the thing. I know we’re in different places right now.” He took a sip of wine, swallowed, those worry lines creasing his forehead. “I talked to Emma while you were getting ready—just for a minute—and she told me that Volmer wasn’t so helpful. She mentioned your breakdown on the ride home.”
    Chelsea winced. “Let’s not ruin our night out.”
    â€œJust give me a minute and we’ll get off it. I just have to say this.” He covered her hand with his. “Honey, you’re suffering. I see that. The depression and the visions . . .”
    She pressed her fingertips to her temples, as if she could hold on to her composure as guilt blew over her. Of course, she had told Leo about the bad visions. . . .
    He would have been an idiot not to notice when she hid away the kitchen knives because she imagined them flipping through the air and landing on Annie, slicing clean through her body. And the stretch of days when she refused to use the oven because she kept imagining how Annie’s little body would fit inside.
    â€œWhat you’re going through, it’s more than anyone should have to bear.”
    Her throat was getting tight. She didn’t want to do this here . . . not now. She didn’t want to think of that growing mountain of insurance statements and doctors’ bills in the corner of the living room.
    â€œAll I’m saying is, I think you should go to this appointment with Emma’s doctor. Even if we have to pay, it’s worth the money to get you better. Screw the insurance. We’ll dip into our savings if we need to. Okay?”
    â€œOur savings?” Her hands dropped away as she faced him. “You would use our savings on a doctor?”
    â€œOf course. Whatever it takes . . . whatever you need, honey.”
    His compassion made Chelsea want to cry. He was so sweet. She had married a good guy.
    â€œWhat if Dr. Volmer’s little pink pills help?” she asked.
    â€œHe’s not really addressing the problem. He wouldn’t even order a blood screening.”
    She swallowed back the knot in her throat, taking a swig of wine for good measure. “I’ll try Emma’s doctor. I hate to blow our savings, but Emma said she would help.”
    â€œWe’ll figure it out.”
    With Leo beside her, promising his help, hope seemed as real and solid as his hand on hers. Maybe he was