“I said something about Peter
and Uncle Terry gave me a slap. It bloody hurts.”
“It will
do. Drink your lemonade. It’ll help settle your stomach.”
I sighed
and took a measured sip, feeling the cut smart inside my mouth. Pam gave me a
nod of approval. “What did you say about Pete?” she asked and I cringed.
“I can’t
repeat it,” I said. “It was mean and I shouldn’t have said it.”
“Perhaps
it was a home truth he needed to hear.” She poured hot water over a tea bag and
squished it with a spoon, bringing her mug with her as she sat opposite me at
the table. “They let that boy run riot; Margaret and Terry. They wouldn’t be
told. I know he left you in debt.” Pam narrowed her eyes and watched me. “We’d
all have helped you, sweetie.” She leaned forward and stroked my hand with hers
and I felt my chest tighten.
“Don’t
be nice to me, Aunty. It doesn’t help and I don’t deserve it.” My mind wandered
back to Terry’s face as I threatened his son’s good name with my knowledge. I
cringed and she saw.
“I think
you’ve been punished enough, sweetie,” she said, her voice soft. “There’s
nothing you could’ve done to deserve losing the love of your life.”
I gaped
and fixed my eyes on a bookcase in the corner, stilling my body and forbidding
it to react. I swallowed and waited until I could guarantee the solidity of my
voice before speaking. “Yeah, Pete dying was a kick in the guts.”
Pam
shook her head. “Now we both know I’m not talking about Pete,” she said, her
tone soft. “Jordan had no right making you marry him. You should’ve come for
help instead of going along with it. Larry always said you were made for each
other but I guessed the truth. It wasn’t a love match by any standards.”
“I
didn’t see a way out,” I whispered. “It’s not like I had a queue of hot guys
lining up to whisk me up the altar and make cute babies.” My eyes strayed to a
photo of Alysha and Mikey and Pam tracked my gaze.
“It’s
not all it’s cracked up to be,” she said, smoothing her fingers over the top of
my hand. “Alysha often looks at you and wishes she could swap lives for a day
or two.”
I
snorted and shook my head. “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s got Craig and Mikey, a
nice house, decent car and you. Why would she want to swap that for a dingy
flat, standing for half an hour on the bus twice a day and the sound of my best
friend, the TV night after night?” I heard the resentment in my voice and the
vehemence shocked me. Pam kept stroking my hand, not put off by my anger.
“No. She
looks at you with your lovely figure, boobs where they’re meant to be and a
good night’s sleep within reach every night. Once you’ve got Pete’s debts
sorted your money will be your own and you can spend it on holidays to Fiji or
ice cream.”
“Probably
not the ice cream.” I smirked and my lip split again. “Don’t want to go back
there.”
“Yeah,
well you need to work with what today brings you, instead of craving what
tomorrow might have up its sleeve. There are no guarantees in this world,
sweetie. So, you’ve been stung in the past but it doesn’t mean you get to lay
down and die. Grab your opportunities and get moving.”
I
pressed the ice to my cheek and gave a slow nod in acknowledgement of Pam’s
truths. “Yeah. I felt cheated not getting pregnant. It’s probably too late
now.” I felt the tears prick behind my eyelids and let go, allowing them to
surf the contours of my jawbone. I didn’t add the minor detail that it took
more than two attempts at sex for some women to conceive, figuring she didn’t
need to know that. Her steady stroking motion against my skin comforted me and
I closed my eyes, placing my mother there instead of Pam. I swallowed. “I miss
Mum.”
“Yeah, I
know.” Pam’s voice wavered too. “She was the best sister anyone could ask for.
It wasn’t fair; losing her so young.”
I nodded
and a tear ran over my
and Uncle Terry gave me a slap. It bloody hurts.”
“It will
do. Drink your lemonade. It’ll help settle your stomach.”
I sighed
and took a measured sip, feeling the cut smart inside my mouth. Pam gave me a
nod of approval. “What did you say about Pete?” she asked and I cringed.
“I can’t
repeat it,” I said. “It was mean and I shouldn’t have said it.”
“Perhaps
it was a home truth he needed to hear.” She poured hot water over a tea bag and
squished it with a spoon, bringing her mug with her as she sat opposite me at
the table. “They let that boy run riot; Margaret and Terry. They wouldn’t be
told. I know he left you in debt.” Pam narrowed her eyes and watched me. “We’d
all have helped you, sweetie.” She leaned forward and stroked my hand with hers
and I felt my chest tighten.
“Don’t
be nice to me, Aunty. It doesn’t help and I don’t deserve it.” My mind wandered
back to Terry’s face as I threatened his son’s good name with my knowledge. I
cringed and she saw.
“I think
you’ve been punished enough, sweetie,” she said, her voice soft. “There’s
nothing you could’ve done to deserve losing the love of your life.”
I gaped
and fixed my eyes on a bookcase in the corner, stilling my body and forbidding
it to react. I swallowed and waited until I could guarantee the solidity of my
voice before speaking. “Yeah, Pete dying was a kick in the guts.”
Pam
shook her head. “Now we both know I’m not talking about Pete,” she said, her
tone soft. “Jordan had no right making you marry him. You should’ve come for
help instead of going along with it. Larry always said you were made for each
other but I guessed the truth. It wasn’t a love match by any standards.”
“I
didn’t see a way out,” I whispered. “It’s not like I had a queue of hot guys
lining up to whisk me up the altar and make cute babies.” My eyes strayed to a
photo of Alysha and Mikey and Pam tracked my gaze.
“It’s
not all it’s cracked up to be,” she said, smoothing her fingers over the top of
my hand. “Alysha often looks at you and wishes she could swap lives for a day
or two.”
I
snorted and shook my head. “Don’t be ridiculous. She’s got Craig and Mikey, a
nice house, decent car and you. Why would she want to swap that for a dingy
flat, standing for half an hour on the bus twice a day and the sound of my best
friend, the TV night after night?” I heard the resentment in my voice and the
vehemence shocked me. Pam kept stroking my hand, not put off by my anger.
“No. She
looks at you with your lovely figure, boobs where they’re meant to be and a
good night’s sleep within reach every night. Once you’ve got Pete’s debts
sorted your money will be your own and you can spend it on holidays to Fiji or
ice cream.”
“Probably
not the ice cream.” I smirked and my lip split again. “Don’t want to go back
there.”
“Yeah,
well you need to work with what today brings you, instead of craving what
tomorrow might have up its sleeve. There are no guarantees in this world,
sweetie. So, you’ve been stung in the past but it doesn’t mean you get to lay
down and die. Grab your opportunities and get moving.”
I
pressed the ice to my cheek and gave a slow nod in acknowledgement of Pam’s
truths. “Yeah. I felt cheated not getting pregnant. It’s probably too late
now.” I felt the tears prick behind my eyelids and let go, allowing them to
surf the contours of my jawbone. I didn’t add the minor detail that it took
more than two attempts at sex for some women to conceive, figuring she didn’t
need to know that. Her steady stroking motion against my skin comforted me and
I closed my eyes, placing my mother there instead of Pam. I swallowed. “I miss
Mum.”
“Yeah, I
know.” Pam’s voice wavered too. “She was the best sister anyone could ask for.
It wasn’t fair; losing her so young.”
I nodded
and a tear ran over my
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