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Authors: Carolly Erickson
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wedding day was only three days away, were also on the platform to greet Nicky, and Alfred’s sister Vicky and brother Bertie, Ducky’s
sister Missy and her husband, Crown Prince Ferdinand of Rumania, and a score of others. But the only one Nicky wanted to see was Alix, and he greeted her warmly, all but ignoring the others, intent
on her response.
He had almost decided not to come to Coburg, for his sister Xenia had told him that Alix remained fixed in her opposition to any thought of marriage to him. Xenia had recently written to Alix to
say that she was ‘ruining Nicky’s life’ by her refusal; Alix had written back to say that Xenia’s accusation was cruel, and that, no matter what, ‘it NEVER can
be’. 1 For emphasis, Alix had sent a telegram saying the same thing, and when he heard about it, Nicky had been very upset. But his mother had
convinced him not to give up so quickly, and by the time the train arrived he had regained his courage. He would speak to Alix, alone, and all would be well.
He was so convinced that all would be well, in fact, that he had brought along a chaplain, Father Yanishev, to instruct Alix in the Orthodox faith, and a tutor, Fräulein Schneider, to teach
her Russian.
But when on the following day Nicky had his first private conversation with Alix, he found her to be resolute, though emotional. He too was keyed up, his emotions in
turmoil; this was the crucial talk which for months he had longed to have with her, his chance to sway her with the force of his love and his reasoned arguments. For two hours he tried to persuade
her to give in, to drop her objections and agree to marry him, alternately arguing and pleading, while she wept and repeatedly whispered, ‘No, I cannot.’
Deeply moved, part of her wanting nothing more than to yield to his pleas, still Alix resisted. She could not forgo her loyalty to the Lutheran church, she could not be false to it. Fidelity to
her church loomed in her mind as the ultimate test of her character, the defining core of her personal honour. Again and again she shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, and whispered,
‘No, I cannot.’ 2
Finally Nicky gave up, and went out into the rainy afternoon and took a drive with Ella and Serge, then a long walk with Uncle Vladimir to the old Coburg castle on the hill.
No record remains of what Alix did that afternoon, but inwardly she had clearly come to a crossroads. Ella, Serge and now even Ernie were bringing pressure to bear on her to accept Nicky,
probing her attitudes and feelings, looking for a way around her adamant objections. Tsar Alexander and Minnie were inviting her into the family, and would be affronted if she refused their
invitation. She was about to lose the only home she had, and enter the featureless land of spinsterhood. Her will was strong, but her heart was breaking under the strain, with the man she loved
holding out his arms to her, offering her all his sweetness and warmth – if only she would take one hallowed step, across the threshold of Orthodox Christianity.
Alix’s firm and independent stance on the marriage issue was, if not unheard-of, very rare. Women in 1894 were not masters of their own destinies; they did not assert their desires in
opposition to the strong urgings of their suitors and relatives. To do so was considered unfeminine, even unnatural. Deference to others was the expected norm for a woman of any age in that era,
especially where marriageand family were concerned, and the force of convention was exceedingly strong.
So Alix, standing at her crossroads, showed remarkable power of will, assailed as she was by prevailing social expectations, by the threat of lifelong loneliness, by her family, by her adored
Nicky.
Thus assailed, she did not capitulate – but she began, tentatively, to search for a way out of her dilemma.
In conversations with Ella and Serge and Ernie it slowly began to be apparent to Alix that what troubled her
sister Missy and her husband, Crown Prince Ferdinand of Rumania, and a score of others. But the only one Nicky wanted to see was Alix, and he greeted her warmly, all but ignoring the others, intent
on her response.
He had almost decided not to come to Coburg, for his sister Xenia had told him that Alix remained fixed in her opposition to any thought of marriage to him. Xenia had recently written to Alix to
say that she was ‘ruining Nicky’s life’ by her refusal; Alix had written back to say that Xenia’s accusation was cruel, and that, no matter what, ‘it NEVER can
be’. 1 For emphasis, Alix had sent a telegram saying the same thing, and when he heard about it, Nicky had been very upset. But his mother had
convinced him not to give up so quickly, and by the time the train arrived he had regained his courage. He would speak to Alix, alone, and all would be well.
He was so convinced that all would be well, in fact, that he had brought along a chaplain, Father Yanishev, to instruct Alix in the Orthodox faith, and a tutor, Fräulein Schneider, to teach
her Russian.
But when on the following day Nicky had his first private conversation with Alix, he found her to be resolute, though emotional. He too was keyed up, his emotions in
turmoil; this was the crucial talk which for months he had longed to have with her, his chance to sway her with the force of his love and his reasoned arguments. For two hours he tried to persuade
her to give in, to drop her objections and agree to marry him, alternately arguing and pleading, while she wept and repeatedly whispered, ‘No, I cannot.’
Deeply moved, part of her wanting nothing more than to yield to his pleas, still Alix resisted. She could not forgo her loyalty to the Lutheran church, she could not be false to it. Fidelity to
her church loomed in her mind as the ultimate test of her character, the defining core of her personal honour. Again and again she shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, and whispered,
‘No, I cannot.’ 2
Finally Nicky gave up, and went out into the rainy afternoon and took a drive with Ella and Serge, then a long walk with Uncle Vladimir to the old Coburg castle on the hill.
No record remains of what Alix did that afternoon, but inwardly she had clearly come to a crossroads. Ella, Serge and now even Ernie were bringing pressure to bear on her to accept Nicky,
probing her attitudes and feelings, looking for a way around her adamant objections. Tsar Alexander and Minnie were inviting her into the family, and would be affronted if she refused their
invitation. She was about to lose the only home she had, and enter the featureless land of spinsterhood. Her will was strong, but her heart was breaking under the strain, with the man she loved
holding out his arms to her, offering her all his sweetness and warmth – if only she would take one hallowed step, across the threshold of Orthodox Christianity.
Alix’s firm and independent stance on the marriage issue was, if not unheard-of, very rare. Women in 1894 were not masters of their own destinies; they did not assert their desires in
opposition to the strong urgings of their suitors and relatives. To do so was considered unfeminine, even unnatural. Deference to others was the expected norm for a woman of any age in that era,
especially where marriageand family were concerned, and the force of convention was exceedingly strong.
So Alix, standing at her crossroads, showed remarkable power of will, assailed as she was by prevailing social expectations, by the threat of lifelong loneliness, by her family, by her adored
Nicky.
Thus assailed, she did not capitulate – but she began, tentatively, to search for a way out of her dilemma.
In conversations with Ella and Serge and Ernie it slowly began to be apparent to Alix that what troubled her
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