Read Online Agent to the Stars by John Scalzi - Free Book Online Page A

we?” she said.
    â€œThat wasn’t very nice,” I said, mildly.
    â€œI’ll tell you what’s not very fucking nice, Tom,” Tea said. “It’s not nice to get back from Honolulu, where I’ve been visiting my family, and having a message from Mandy, telling me how excited she is to be working with me.” From her sinister stretch, Tea straightened up, preternaturally perky. Her voice became a dead-on ringer for Amanda’s Girl Scout–like tone. “‘I have your album! I love to listen to it while I’m exercising!’” Tea slouched again. “Great. Add that to the half that are whacking off to my picture on the cover, sister.”
    â€œIt’s actually only forty-five percent,” I said.
    Tea’s eyes narrowed. “What?”
    â€œForty-five percent are whacking off,” I said. “Your record company’s own estimate. Tea, Amanda’s working with me. She’s my assistant.”
    â€œI thought Miss Bitch back there was your assistant,” Tea said, jerking a thumb towards Miranda’s desk. “She almost didn’t let me in to your office today. I was getting ready to smack her.”
    Before getting her act together and working her way through college, Miranda spent a reasonable portion of her teen years gang-banging in East LA. One night, at a company party, Miranda showed me her collection of scars, inflicted by razors in a number of cat fights. The other girls got it worse, she said. I didn’t suspect Tea realized how close to death she had gotten this morning.
    â€œMiranda is my administrative assistant,” I said. “Amanda is working with me with some of my clients.”

    â€œWell, I don’t want to work with her,” Tea said.
    â€œWhy not?”
    â€œHello? Tom? Did you not see Miss Mandy in here today? What a fucking crybaby.”
    â€œHow did she get that way, Tea?” I asked.
    â€œBeats me,” Tea said. “We were just sitting here, waiting for you, and I was just telling her that there was no fucking way on the planet she was going to be my agent.”
    â€œHow long were you in here before I got here?”
    Tea shrugged. “A half-hour, forty-five minutes.”
    â€œI see,” I said. “And you don’t think being shat on for three-quarters of an hour is a good reason to get upset.”
    â€œHey,” Tea sat up again and jabbed a finger at me. “ You’re the one that put her in that situation. Don’t get angry at me because I went off on her a little.”
    â€œForty-five minutes is not a little, Tea,” I said.
    â€œWhat the fuck does that mean? I’m the one getting screwed here.” She slumped back, sullen.
    I was getting a headache. “Tea, what do you want from me?” I asked.
    â€œI want you to do your fucking job, ” Tea said. “I’m not giving you ten percent so you can palm me off on Mandy, the Teenage Agent. I can think of about ten agents in town who’d get on their hands and knees to represent me. You’re not doing me any favors, Tom.”
    â€œReally,” I said. “Ten agents.”
    â€œAt least.”
    â€œFine,” I said. “Name one.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œName one,” I said. “Give me the name of one of those agents.”

    â€œHell, no,” Tea said. “Why should I tell you who your competition is? Stay nervous.”
    â€œNervous? Hell, Tea, I want to call them up,” I said. “If they’re so gung-ho to have you, I’ll let you go. I don’t want you to be unhappy. So let’s do this thing. Let’s get it over with. Unless you’re running off at the mouth.”
    That got her. “Alan Finley at ACR,” she said.
    I buzzed Miranda. She came to the door. “Yes, Tom?”
    â€œMiranda, would you call Alan Finley over at Associated Client Representation, and put him on the speaker when you get