Action!
you’re only fourteen years old now. You’re new in the area, and your brothers are still trying to make a go at being farmers.”
    I nodded. It seemed strange that he wanted me to think of all that stuff when the only thing I had to do was write in the diary.
    “Action,” Morris said.
    I opened the little book, took up the heavy fountain pen, and paused. What was I supposed to write? Suddenly I panicked. Had Morris wanted me to memorize Esther’s actual diary entries? Was the camera going to show what I was writing? I had no idea what kinds of things Esther had written when she was younger. The only thing they’d taught us in school about her diary was that those incriminating pages were ripped out.
    “Cut,” Morris said. “Nancy? Why aren’t you writing?”
    “Um, I’m not sure what to write,” I admitted. “Did you want me to memorize the actual diary?”
    He chuckled. “Good heavens, no. I wouldn’t expect anyone to do that! Just write whatever you want to.”
    “The camera won’t see it?”
    Morris shook his head. “We’re not going to do close-ups yet. Later we may shoot a few takes of the entries from the real diary. I haven’t decided yet.”
    “Okay. Sorry.” I leaned back over the book as a production assistant read off the information about the scene and the take.
    “Action,” Morris called.
    I touched the fountain pen to the page, and the black ink sank right into the paper, making a big blot. I tried to pretend I hadn’t noticed. I began moving the pen, but I still didn’t know what to write. In desperation I wrote down my address. Then I wrote Bess’s, and then George’s. The whole time all I could think about was the camera. There were at least fifteen people on the soundstage, and they were all staring right at me. The camera was watching me and only me.
    I wrote down Jeffrey Allman’s address. I hadn’t even realized I was thinking about him, but I guess the mysterious fire at his house was still in the back of my mind. Maybe I could make a list of possible motives for someone setting the fire. But I felt kind of silly writing something like that in Esther’s diary.
    It was really quiet. The silence made me even more nervous for some reason. All I could hear was the sound of the pen scratching as I wrote. My breathbegan to come faster. I missed having the Alvarez brothers here to distract me. I noticed that my hand was shaking, and the fountain pen made another big blot.
    “And … cut,” Morris said.
    I put down the pen and turned nervously to the director. “That was good, Nancy,” he said unconvincingly. “But in this next take I want you to remember what we talked about. You’re only fourteen, and you have no worries yet about your brothers.”
    “Okay,” I said. But I still didn’t understand why any of that mattered. We did another take. I could tell right away that this one was worse than the last one. With the camera rolling, I became completely selfconscious. I knew that my hands were moving in a weird, stilted way. I wondered if I was sitting up straight or if I would look slumped over on camera. I concentrated on straightening my spine.
    Morris called cut again. He got out of his chair and came over to sit with me at the table. I winced, expecting him to yell at me for being such a bad actress.
    “You need to relax, Nancy,” he said gently. “You’re very stiff. What’s the matter?”
    “I feel silly just sitting here and writing,” I admitted.
    Morris smiled. “Maybe that’s the problem. You should be doing more than just sitting and writing.”
    Shoot. I was supposed to be doing something else?Had I forgotten some of his directions? My cheeks grew hot with embarrassment. “What else should I be doing?” I asked.
    “Thinking,” he said. “You don’t suppose that Esther Rackham felt silly sitting at her table and putting her thoughts down in her diary, do you?”
    “Of course not,” I said.
    “So why should you feel silly?”
    I thought

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